the crack files:
Suzi sPEAKS
Just an average girl looking for her dream gig. Hit me up at: [email protected]
|
Call me Yogi!  Park RangerThe State of Florida – White Springs Salary: $2,166.67 Month; $26,000.04 Year This is moderately independent work providing Visitor Services, Resource Management, Maintenance, Administration and Protection of Stephen Foster Folk Culture Center State Park. VISITOR SERVICES - Explains facilities and services provided for public use, enjoyment and education; meets visitors, answers questions, provides information and directions. Attempts to resolve visitor complaints while maintaining good public relations. Provides natural and cultural history interpretive programs, assists with set up and break down of all park special events and provides unit specific services as directed. RESOURCE MANAGEMENT - Recognizes biological communities and the natural processes required for their maintenance. Observes, maintains and protects the natural, cultural, historic and archaeological resources of the park. Participates in prescribed burning related activities. Implements vegetation and wildlife management plans, maintains optimum species control via natural and chemical means. Implements site restoration projects such as reforestation and erosion control. Implements water resources management plans. Collects and records resource management data. Collects and records resource management data. MAINTENANCE - Maintains park structures, facilities, equipment and grounds through routine, preventive, and corrective maintenance practices. Conducts routine inspections to ensure proper maintenance standards are met. Maintains cleanliness of grounds and facilities. ADMINISTRATION - Prepares forms and reports on a wide range of subjects including visitation, vehicle usage, purchase requests and accidents. Answers telephone operates park radio, computer and various office equipment; conducts purchasing and fiscal activities in compliance with established procedures. Collects fees, performs cash register transactions and reconciles receipts. Orders, sells and inventories resale merchandise. Answers correspondence and maintains park files. PROTECTION - Performs routine patrols and security checks; takes appropriate action to ensure visitor safety and adherence to park rules; ensures adherence to the Park Protection Plan. Opens and/or secures park facilities as appropriate. Interprets and enforces park rules pertaining to all natural and cultural resources and facilities and use thereof for the safety and enjoyment of the visitor. Responsible for security of cash fund. Performs other related duties as required. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Pic-ih-nic Basket People, I have loved the great outdoors thanks to Yogi Bear. I mean, seriously. How cute. And fun. Now, I think we could use a little freshening up of the uniforms, because khaki is just so boring, but if we have to keep those colors, I suggest we wear some Skechers in hot pink or something. Cute and useful, right? I’m really great at giving tours. Many of my phone clients have translated into other opportunities where they have big parties at their homes and they want the ladies there to entertain, and so I always show the girls around the homes and make it sound so awesome. And, I’ll be great with security. I have a pink taser, and I’m a fan of the movie “Broken Arrow”. And wasn’t what’s-her-face a park ranger? Yeah. I practiced her moves and stuff. So… It’s The Climb, Suzi P.S. I really hate bugs, so can I limit my time outdoors? Debt happens. I know this.  Debt Consultant Freedom Financial Network - Tempe, AZ Salary: $75,000 - $115,000 a year Job Type: Full-time Full Job Description Attention Inside Sales Professionals! Do you have excellent in-person or telephone sales experience? Are you looking for an opportunity with uncapped commissions? Are you ready to say goodbye to cold calling and exclusively work warm leads? If you’re a people person, joining Freedom Debt Relief is a capital idea. As an Inside Sales Representative, you’ll be the voice of the company as you consult with our amazing clients to help them find solutions to pay off their consumer debt and move forward toward a better financial future. You’ll be rewarded with attractive pay and benefits, and we’ll have your back with continuous training to help you develop your skills, grow your career or pursue a path into leadership. Don’t have a financial background? No problem. We provide paid comprehensive training. Work 40+ hours weekly Shift: Thursday through Monday Between the hours of 6am and 8pm Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Money Bags, This is, like, the perfect example of taking the skills I have and taking it all to the next level! I’m so the expert at inside sales!!! Like, seriously! I’m a saleswoman right now! I’m an experienced phone actress, so I totally sell the sexy while I’m sitting in my yoga pants eating a cupcake while Uncle Larry is touching his fossil stick getting all happy and thanking me and sending me gifts and money because he’s happy! Plus, I can empathy with people who are in debt. I was in debt before my phone acting gig. Like, credit cards were my friends because you can spend and never pay the bill… but that’s not true. So, now I use someone else’s credit card and they pay the bill. I can’t wait to share my knowledge with your customers. Pass Your Debt On, Suzi Candles are life!  Customer Care Associate – Seasonal P.F. Candle Co. - Los Angeles, CA Job Type: Part-time Hourly Wage: $22/hr Full Job Description We are seeking a Customer Service Associate to facilitate day-to-day communications and support for our retail customers during our busiest time of the year - Candle Season! Our Customer Care team acts as the voice of P.F., ensuring a meaningful and positive experience from the first impression onwards. This position will work remotely from home. It is part-time (3 days a week) with the potential to cover weekday and weekend shifts. This is a seasonal role, ending December 31, 2020. DUTIES: Offer timely, comprehensive support to all customers for any inquiries or issues that arise. Provide expert knowledge and education on product line and care/proper use suggestions. Direct communications via email, social media, website reviews, phone, and in-person engagement. Work to reduce response time across channels while increasing overall rating of P.F. experience. Ensure customer related issues are tracked and consolidated in our CSS system, efficiently communicated to all relevant team members, and resolved in a prompt manner. Assist in reporting customer feedback and ticketing data by properly tracking tickets in real time and compiling data across all channels. Actively look at the “bigger picture” to promote department growth and overall improvement for company. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Light Shine Brighters, I am the queen of all things candle. I used to spend so much on candles. So much. My scents would change as often as I would change underwear. And sometimes that would be a lot in one day depending on how many “friends” I’d be entertaining in any one day. (I’m popular). I like small candles, medium candles, and big candles. Candles set the mood. I’ve been known to help my squad make things romantical for their boos. They always come to me for advice. I always know which candles to pick. Everybody wins! Your Candelabra Star, Suzi I love good-smelling stuff!  Fragrance Freelance Associate NEST NEW YORK - Dallas, TX Job Title: Retail Freelancer Location: Dallas WELCOME TO NEST NEW YORK Where mood is elevated, and scent is celebrated. Our fragranced home, perfume, and body care collections transform the everyday through scents that transport, inspire and captivate the senses. Recognized by the fragrance industry as a game-changer, founder Laura Slatkin has a unique approach to fragrance, artfully blending notes of the familiar, the exotic, and the unexpected for a fragrance experience like no other. LET NEST NEW YORK SCENT YOUR WORLD Job Summary: We are seeking an individual who is motivated, passionate, and a true lover of scents to join our NEST team in the Dallas Market. This person must be highly motivated to sell beautiful products and to create an above and beyond customer experience. Responsibilities include but are not limited to: Achieve sales goals set by selling manager Create an atmosphere of beauty and luxury Merchandising of products to mirror Brand image Relationship building and maintenance with customers Liaison and collaboration with department store staff Maintain a high level of customer service by creating a memorable experience. Must have the ability to work independently and be a self-starter. Recruiting and introducing the brand to EVERY customer. Always uphold a company standard and maintain a professional image. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Spritzers, Smelling good is so important. I always make sure I smell good, and my man smells good. I’ve always told my dudes to spray their balls, because nobody wants to bob in a pool full of stank, you know what I mean? So, I’m your perfect Scentsociate! I just made up a cool word! And I own a couple of suits, but would be willing to buy more because nothing says a pro girl like a suit! I want to impress. I can’t wait to work for Ms. Slutkin! I’m sure she’s gotten around the fragrance world and can teach me so much. I’m like a sponge. One night I was a sponge for some fun-lovin’ frat guys, but I had had too much harry buffalo, so… But I’m kinda confused. Is this in New York or Dallas? I’ll move anywhere for the right opp! First Who Smelt It Sprayed It, Suzi To be a tour guide with my personality would be like the awesomest combo ever!  Tour Ambassador at Sofi Stadium Legends Hospitality - Sofi Stadium, Inglewood, CA Salary: $18 an hour Job Type: Part-time Full Job Description Legends Hospitality at Sofi Stadium, home of the LA Rams and LA Chargers, is hiring! Become a tour guide and get behind the scenes access to Sofi Stadium!! The Tour Ambassador will be a dynamic, interactive role within the venue with a specific focus on the guest experience and how the guest relates to the overall venue experience at SoFi Stadium. The role of a Tour Ambassador staff member is to effectively give information about SoFi Stadium in an entertaining, engaging and informative way. This position reports directly to the Tour Ambassador Supervisor. Responsibilities: Provide exceptional customer service to stadium visitors Setup/Tear Down and Facilitate various on-field activities for Field Experiences Maintain a professional image and pleasant demeanor at all times Be knowledgeable about all parts of the field activities operation as well as general stadium information Enjoys being part of athletic activities in large groups of people Work with fellow team members to keep tour route monitored in an effective manner Use of RFID systems along with Zebra handheld devices Communicate with teammates and supervisors via 2-way radio Ensure safety of all visitors Greeting guests as they enter assigned areas. Non-traditional hours (Nights, Weekends & Holidays as necessary Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Fellow Bad-assadors, I feel totally at home with this job already. I mean, my pops and I played baseball all the time together since he didn’t have any sons. He even accidentally knocked by two front teeth out with a baseball. This is so destiny! Plus, I love going to baseball games. My goal is to put as many wieners in my mouth as I can. One time, I ate 5 during one game. A record for me! Plus, I love all that wood… and the players look so hot in those uniforms. I’d like to catch some of their line drives. I’m really knowledgeable about the game: 7 endings, then yoga, then some baseball, and then there’s a plate. Strikes and strokes, Suzi I always had a crush on Steve Irwin!  Wildlife Technician Meridian Bird Removal – Jackson, TN Part-Time/$1,000-$1,500 per month Do you enjoy the thrill of the chase? Would you like to get paid for doing something you enjoy as much as a hobby? Come join us and catch birds! We have captured tens of thousands of birds across the nation, and we want you to join us. Our motto: We Embrace New Adventures Daily! Meridian Bird Removal is seeking a Part-Time Bird Removal Technician who likes a challenge and is committed to seeing a job through to completion. Who is our ideal candidate? Our diverse workforce consists of talented individuals of many different backgrounds and includes hunters, trappers, wildlife and outdoor enthusiasts, biologists, recent college graduates, retired professionals, veterans, artists, and more! People who succeed in this role come from backgrounds such as veterinarian assistants, dog walkers, pest control, technicians, wildlife removal, and much more! We also have people who are gig workers, freelancers, and contractors. As a company, we love to hire bird enthusiasts and animal lovers! What will you need to succeed? The right candidate will have a strong passion for solving customers' problems. Our technicians address health and food safety issues created by birds. Commits to completing each job Solves problems Has a thirst for knowledge Has an appreciation for wildlife and nature Loves helping people Thrives independently yet can be part of a team Enjoys traveling Embraces adventure and challenge Meet the physically demanding requirements of the job-standing, walking, lifting, and looking up at birds. Meet the visual requirements—are you able to see small birds at long distances and follow their flight patterns. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Feathered Friends, I feel like birds are my spirit animal. And I’ve felt that ever since I held the first bird in my hand. Since then, I have so many in my hand. Big. Small. Crooked. They’re all wonderful and special! And they always respond well to me! And I let them hop all over me—even my face. I don’t mind. And I love to hug! So, embracing whatever bird you need me to is cool. Pecking Away, Suzi I sure can blow!  Trombone Teachers The Music Teachers Network – Columbus, PA Part-Time Full Job Description The following job opening(s) are now available at www.musicteachersnetwork.com Trombone teacher needed for one child students in Philadelphia, PA **STUDENT ADDITIONAL COMMENTS: Looking for a private music teacher to provide lessons to my son who is in HS. ABOUT MTN: The Music Teachers Network is the nation’s premiere private music lessons company. Since 1997 MTN has connected thousands of families in the U.S. with talented music teachers for private piano, voice, guitar and instrumental lessons. MTN provides the ultimate teaching and business solution tools for private music instructors who seek to build and maintain healthy student rosters. To join our team or to find out more information please go to www.musicteachersnetwork.com Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear ‘Bone-ers, I’m a natural blower! I started playing the flute in grade school, and then in high school dudes told me I had the perfect lips for blowing, so playing woodwinds comes naturally. And I know a trombone isn’t a flute, but I’m really good with that slide thingie. And I've given plenty of raspberries on bellies, so I know that technique when playing instruments. Plus, I'm best in a one-on-one setting. So this job is perfect for me. Let’s Get ‘Boned! Suzi OMG! Christmas is the bestest holiday ever! Digital Santa ClausSanta Calls – Phoenix, AZ Contract/$75 an hour Full Job Description This year Christmas will be different, and the magic of the Santa and North Pole is making its debut over the internet. With malls closed around the nation, Santa's (work) home is in quarantine. It's a good thing Santa's nifty elves hammered away on the mobile application, Santa Calls. By using Facetime, and Zoom technology children all over the nation will still be able to talk to a real, live Santa Claus. Join our team and help us make children smile and feel the magic of Christmas. We are dedicated to giving every child an opportunity to believe this Christmas. Requirements: Pass Background Check Good communication skills Positive attitude, warm smile, welcoming voice Must enjoy interacting with children and families Real Beard, Excellent personal hygiene Ability to sit for long periods of time Full Santa outfit By contracting with the Santa Calls team you will be paid on a per-call basis working only part-time. You will represent the company as Santa from the North Pole. Your duties will be to manage a call queue list and make Facetime, or Zoom calls to families and children for 2-minutes. During the call, you will be required to gather key information from the child, such as name and what they want for Christmas. It is important to make this experience magical for the child. Not all children are very talkative, you must be able to adapt to adversity. Have readily available books, jingles, or stories to tell. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear North Polers, Christmas is my favoritest holiday! Like, I want to have Christmas stuff all year, but I don’t feel like being shamed about it, so… I always wanted to be Santa Claus, because Santa brings so much joy into the world! And, I think anyone can be Santa—even a chick—because it’s about your heart. It’s not about race or gender. And, I think Santa needs to recognize adults, too. I’ve dressed up as Santa many times for video chats with my male clients. They were very pleased with my fishnets and leather boots and red lingerie. Imagine how I could inspire others? So many North Poles, so little time… Spreading legs and love, Suzi I’m related to some Chins! Chin Interpreter Linguistica International – Kansas City, MO Full Job Description At Linguistica International, we meet any type of language service needs, including telephone-based interpretation, on-site interpretation, and written translation. Our services are available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year and our qualified professional interpreters cover over 350 languages and dialects. Responsibilities: Receive client-calls and answer in a professional manner Render correct concepts and meanings between requested language and English, upholding correct rules of grammar, clarity, and tone, from one language into another Provide clear and accurate renditions with no additions or omissions Employ good customer service and clear enunciation, pronunciation, pleasant and professional voice as well as polite forms of expression Remain calm during emergency calls Qualifications: Native, or near-native, fluency in requested language and English Ability to explain cultural concepts to avoid miscommunication, and to act as a cultural broker Ability to concentrate, stay detached from the conversation and remain neutral and objective at all times while following the client’s instructions closely Excellent listening, retention and note-taking skills to maintain a high level of accuracy Suzi’s Cover Letter:Dear Chintzies, I can speak chin. Chins are very important to the look of someone’s face. A double chin is cute on a baby, but let’s be honest. You’re kind of a fatty if you have two chins. I can help people define their chin with makeup and slim their double (or triple—thanks, COVID) chin. Scarves are good for that. Or some shading. I’m also good with Chinese Chins, because my mom was a Chin before she married my dad—a Wang. Though I’ve heard my mom has had some wangs on her chin before, but... I’m thinking that has nothing to do with this job. But if it does, I can take one or two on the chin, too. Chinny-chin-chins, Suzi Clusters are good. They make me think of squirrels! Commerce Cluster Writers Dotdash – Remote About Your Role: As a freelance commerce updates editor for The Spruce, you will review and revise existing commerce articles in our content management system in order to elevate user experience, according to specific project instructions and brand guidelines. Updates commerce editors must commit to 20 hours weekly. About Your Contributions: You will research and perform revisions or updates to commerce content directly in our content management system as needed according to specific project instructions and brand guidelines. In some cases you will use your editorial instinct to independently assess what work is necessary on a piece of commerce content before performing an update You will fact check and copy edit on top of any larger revisions and updates. About You: You have a strong background in commerce writing with current industry knowledge and relationships. You’re always on top of new trends and products. Experience covering home improvement, pet products, appliances (large or small), or children’s toys a plus, but not required. You’re able to easily adopt an established brand voice, and you adhere to strict brand and style guidelines like a pro. You’re comfortable working in a content management system and can work quickly, independently and accurately. You are comfortable working remotely. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear C Effers, I have experience writing in catalogs. Okay. One catalog. Like, really one catalog only ever came out. It was for my bestie’s startup lingerie company. But then it didn’t happen and she just did an OnlyFans thing. But… I wrote some really good stuff. Here’s a sample: ENDLESS ECSTASY It's an artful orgasm wrapped inside a velvet bag. The Immortal Jade Glass Dildo is individually crafted and hand blown-- and guaranteed to blow your mind. A G-spot stimulator with spiral ridge, and three balls won't miss a single, delicious spot. Use warm or cold for whatever sensation you desire. 10-inches, 4.5-inch circumference (1.5-inch diameter); dishwasher safe; hypoallergenic; chemical and odor resistant; from the Glass Gem Collection. Right!?!?! Didn’t know I had it in me. I mean, I didn’t really have this in me… Oh—are there going to be work squirrels? Dottin’ and Dashin’, Suzi |
AuthorI'm just your average girl who wants a kick-ass life and... love! If I could be a superhero, that would be AWESOME! I'm currently a "phone actress" looking for a really cool career. Don't get me wrong-- I love giving a hand to dudes who need someone to chat with. Everybody needs somebody! But, my parents keep telling me I need a respectable job. Sigh. Archives
August 2022
Categories
All
|
RSS Feed