the crack files:
Suzi sPEAKS
Just an average girl looking for her dream gig. Hit me up at: [email protected]
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I’m related to some Chins! Chin Interpreter Linguistica International – Kansas City, MO Full Job Description At Linguistica International, we meet any type of language service needs, including telephone-based interpretation, on-site interpretation, and written translation. Our services are available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year and our qualified professional interpreters cover over 350 languages and dialects. Responsibilities: Receive client-calls and answer in a professional manner Render correct concepts and meanings between requested language and English, upholding correct rules of grammar, clarity, and tone, from one language into another Provide clear and accurate renditions with no additions or omissions Employ good customer service and clear enunciation, pronunciation, pleasant and professional voice as well as polite forms of expression Remain calm during emergency calls Qualifications: Native, or near-native, fluency in requested language and English Ability to explain cultural concepts to avoid miscommunication, and to act as a cultural broker Ability to concentrate, stay detached from the conversation and remain neutral and objective at all times while following the client’s instructions closely Excellent listening, retention and note-taking skills to maintain a high level of accuracy Suzi’s Cover Letter:Dear Chintzies, I can speak chin. Chins are very important to the look of someone’s face. A double chin is cute on a baby, but let’s be honest. You’re kind of a fatty if you have two chins. I can help people define their chin with makeup and slim their double (or triple—thanks, COVID) chin. Scarves are good for that. Or some shading. I’m also good with Chinese Chins, because my mom was a Chin before she married my dad—a Wang. Though I’ve heard my mom has had some wangs on her chin before, but... I’m thinking that has nothing to do with this job. But if it does, I can take one or two on the chin, too. Chinny-chin-chins, Suzi Clusters are good. They make me think of squirrels! Commerce Cluster Writers Dotdash – Remote About Your Role: As a freelance commerce updates editor for The Spruce, you will review and revise existing commerce articles in our content management system in order to elevate user experience, according to specific project instructions and brand guidelines. Updates commerce editors must commit to 20 hours weekly. About Your Contributions: You will research and perform revisions or updates to commerce content directly in our content management system as needed according to specific project instructions and brand guidelines. In some cases you will use your editorial instinct to independently assess what work is necessary on a piece of commerce content before performing an update You will fact check and copy edit on top of any larger revisions and updates. About You: You have a strong background in commerce writing with current industry knowledge and relationships. You’re always on top of new trends and products. Experience covering home improvement, pet products, appliances (large or small), or children’s toys a plus, but not required. You’re able to easily adopt an established brand voice, and you adhere to strict brand and style guidelines like a pro. You’re comfortable working in a content management system and can work quickly, independently and accurately. You are comfortable working remotely. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear C Effers, I have experience writing in catalogs. Okay. One catalog. Like, really one catalog only ever came out. It was for my bestie’s startup lingerie company. But then it didn’t happen and she just did an OnlyFans thing. But… I wrote some really good stuff. Here’s a sample: ENDLESS ECSTASY It's an artful orgasm wrapped inside a velvet bag. The Immortal Jade Glass Dildo is individually crafted and hand blown-- and guaranteed to blow your mind. A G-spot stimulator with spiral ridge, and three balls won't miss a single, delicious spot. Use warm or cold for whatever sensation you desire. 10-inches, 4.5-inch circumference (1.5-inch diameter); dishwasher safe; hypoallergenic; chemical and odor resistant; from the Glass Gem Collection. Right!?!?! Didn’t know I had it in me. I mean, I didn’t really have this in me… Oh—are there going to be work squirrels? Dottin’ and Dashin’, Suzi Every day, I wake up with thanks and stuff! Gratitude Ambassador SendThanksNow -- Chicago, IL Remote Part-time, Contract, Commission/Pay: $10.00 - $25.00 per hour SendThanksNow is seeking Ambassadors to amplify our voice and help build a more grateful world. Since launching our beta platform, STN has been rapidly growing our community of users. We believe that everyone deserves thanks and we need your help to pay it forward. Gratitude Ambassadors will be responsible for promoting our brand. You may use your own personal creativity to spread gratitude in order to build the community. Ambassadors will also have access to the SendThanksNow Team and internally developed collateral. The STN platform utilizes Hearts (1 Heart = 1 cent) plus messages, pictures, and videos to send gratitude. Ambassadors will be given thousands of Hearts to give away as the main method of community recruitment. Every Heart has a story and Ambassadors will help share them. Learn more here: https://sendthanksnow.com/about Watch our explainer: https://youtu.be/v_6hrR3ENvo Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Tuders, OMG! I am always thankful and always telling people thankful and always talking about what I’m thankful for. So to make a living being thankful… GAH! I’m thankful for (Top 5 in no order): Thongs Puppies Makeup Queso Hot dogs And that whole one heart is one cent. It’s like selling candy bars at school! I love the thought of giving everyone a heart on! Full Hearts, Suzi I mean, Asians have been known to be maids, so… Meter Reader Forsyth County – Cumming, GA $30,295 annual salary Job Summary Locates water meters on established routes and within designated timeframes; plans efficient meter-reading route to correspond with account sequence on billing reports; drives utility truck to conduct meter-reading activities. Reads water meters; enters water consumption data from meter into handheld computerized meter reading device; records data and confirms accuracy of readings; sequences accounts into proper order. Tests meters to ensure proper operations and accurate readings; inspects/observes condition of meters; checks meters for leaks or illegal taps; reports any necessary repair/maintenance work. Disconnects or reconnects water service as appropriate; turns on meters to establish water service to new customers; turns off meters to close accounts or to troubleshoot leaks. Performs customer service functions; provides assistance and information related to meters, consumption, leaks, department procedures, or other issues; responds to routine questions, complaints, or requests for service; initiates problem resolution. Performs manual work associated with meter reading and maintenance activities; digs around meter boxes and removes dirt/debris; pumps water from meter boxes and determines source of leaks; cleans meter boxes and glass to obtain accurate reading; removes and replaces broken meter boxes/lids; shovels materials. Operates a variety of equipment and tools associated with meter reading activities, which may include a utility truck, radio communications equipment, handheld computerized meter reading device, meter locator, probing rod, water pump, pipe wrench, shovel, or mechanic tools. Performs general/preventive maintenance tasks necessary to keep equipment in operable condition, which may include inspecting equipment, refueling vehicles, checking/replacing fluids, greasing equipment, washing/cleaning equipment, or cleaning work areas; monitors equipment operations to maintain efficiency and safety; reports faulty equipment. Follows safety procedures, utilizes safety equipment, and monitors work environment to ensure safety of employees, the public, and other individuals. Prepares or completes various forms, reports, correspondence, lost meter reports, no-backflow reports, illegal hookup reports, stolen property reports, vehicle maintenance reports, timesheets, or other documents. Receives various forms, reports, correspondence, meter route books, receipts, maps, manuals, reference materials, or other documentation; reviews, completes, processes, forwards or retains as appropriate. Assists in maintaining inventory of division supplies; ensures availability of adequate materials to conduct work activities; initiates requests for new/replacement materials; picks up supplies as needed. Communicates via telephone and/or two-way radio; provides information and assistance; records/relays messages; responds to requests for service or assistance. Communicates with supervisor, employees, other departments, customers, the public, and other individuals as needed to coordinate work activities, review status of work, exchange information, or resolve problems. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Maids a Milking, It has always been my dream to wear a uniform. And I already have a French maid one in my closet! It’s my most popular one! How cute would I look riding around on my pink sparkle scooter checking out meters? (Please say I can have a pink sparkle scooter!!!) I’m good with coins and my penmanship is awesome, so writing tickets would be like little works of art. P.S. Do I have to clean stuff, too? Maid for This, Suzi We’re all beautiful! I want to bring it out! Beauty AdvisorOVERVIEW Experience a place of energy, passion, and excitement. A place where the joy of discovery and uncommon artistry blend to create exhilarating buying experiences—for true beauty enthusiasts. At Ulta Beauty, we’re transforming the world one shade, one lash, one cut at a time. Because beauty is powerful. If you seek greater purpose—a place of vision, mission, and lived values—where voices are heard, contributions valued and recognized and growth opportunities abound, consider Ulta Beauty. Nowhere else are the possibilities quite this beautiful. THE IMPACT YOU CAN HAVE: Welcome to an exciting future in the retail beauty industry! As a Beauty Advisor at Ulta Beauty, you will be the first point of contact for our guest Beauty Enthusiasts, setting and exceeding their expectations for the beauty journey they’re about to experience within your store. As the initial face of the Ulta Beauty brand, you will have the opportunity to put your passion for beauty on full display, while ensuring that everything in the store is clean, fully stocked and ready to “wow” guests and other associates. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Face Saviors, Ulta is like Heaven on Earth to me! I remember when one opened up near me—I cried. Tears of complete joy! Plus, I envision myself wearing that cool black smock with some booty-poppin’ jeans and smart, sassy heels. My hair in a classic French twist, and my makeup—of course—on point. I’m really good at doing makeup. All my friends asked me to be their beauty advisor, so It’s, like, natural that I do it and make money. Because paying me in wine is fun until the rent’s due, yo! This is some makeup I did for my friend Sara who had to go to court on some b.s. prostitution charge. She wanted a dramatic look, so... Beautiful Faces and Beautiful Queens, Suzi |
AuthorI'm just your average girl who wants a kick-ass life and... love! If I could be a superhero, that would be AWESOME! I'm currently a "phone actress" looking for a really cool career. Don't get me wrong-- I love giving a hand to dudes who need someone to chat with. Everybody needs somebody! But, my parents keep telling me I need a respectable job. Sigh. Archives
August 2022
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