the crack files:
Suzi sPEAKS
Just an average girl looking for her dream gig. Hit me up at: [email protected]
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There’s not a tool I can’t handle!  THE LETTER:Dear Fellow Toolbags, I feel like you know me already. I have total dominain experience. Whips, cat o’ nine tails, fuzzy hand cuffs, ball gags. You name it—you’ll love it! Plus, I see you need a techno expert. Who else can get the club lit like me? Uh, no one. And, I’ve been known to make some fat beats on my Mac. And when it comes to tests, I was a really good studier, and I took good notes. I used to sell my notes, so I can do this. Test me! Tools Ain’t For Fools, Suzi THE JOB:Tool Specialist – Testing ToolsCapgemini – New York, NY Full Job Description: Duration: 8+Months Responsibilities: QA resources with Captital Market/Trading domain experience Hands on knowledge on Agile Process and Work Flows Techno-Functional with experience in UI automation (Selenium/JAVA), Database quering, Mainframe and UNIX Intermidiate/Senior Level of Experience with capable of working in an Onshore/Offshore model Expert in Test plans, test strategy, cases and processes Well versed with all types of testing and issue reporting Good communication knowledge as need to speak with people at various levels. The Capgemini Freelancer Gateway is enabled by a cutting-edge software platform that leads the contingent labor world for technology innovation. The software platform leverages Machine Learning and Artificial Intelligence to make sure the right people end up in the right job. I sure can blow!  Trombone Teachers The Music Teachers Network – Columbus, PA Part-Time Full Job Description The following job opening(s) are now available at www.musicteachersnetwork.com Trombone teacher needed for one child students in Philadelphia, PA **STUDENT ADDITIONAL COMMENTS: Looking for a private music teacher to provide lessons to my son who is in HS. ABOUT MTN: The Music Teachers Network is the nation’s premiere private music lessons company. Since 1997 MTN has connected thousands of families in the U.S. with talented music teachers for private piano, voice, guitar and instrumental lessons. MTN provides the ultimate teaching and business solution tools for private music instructors who seek to build and maintain healthy student rosters. To join our team or to find out more information please go to www.musicteachersnetwork.com Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear ‘Bone-ers, I’m a natural blower! I started playing the flute in grade school, and then in high school dudes told me I had the perfect lips for blowing, so playing woodwinds comes naturally. And I know a trombone isn’t a flute, but I’m really good with that slide thingie. And I've given plenty of raspberries on bellies, so I know that technique when playing instruments. Plus, I'm best in a one-on-one setting. So this job is perfect for me. Let’s Get ‘Boned! Suzi OMG! Christmas is the bestest holiday ever! Digital Santa ClausSanta Calls – Phoenix, AZ Contract/$75 an hour Full Job Description This year Christmas will be different, and the magic of the Santa and North Pole is making its debut over the internet. With malls closed around the nation, Santa's (work) home is in quarantine. It's a good thing Santa's nifty elves hammered away on the mobile application, Santa Calls. By using Facetime, and Zoom technology children all over the nation will still be able to talk to a real, live Santa Claus. Join our team and help us make children smile and feel the magic of Christmas. We are dedicated to giving every child an opportunity to believe this Christmas. Requirements: Pass Background Check Good communication skills Positive attitude, warm smile, welcoming voice Must enjoy interacting with children and families Real Beard, Excellent personal hygiene Ability to sit for long periods of time Full Santa outfit By contracting with the Santa Calls team you will be paid on a per-call basis working only part-time. You will represent the company as Santa from the North Pole. Your duties will be to manage a call queue list and make Facetime, or Zoom calls to families and children for 2-minutes. During the call, you will be required to gather key information from the child, such as name and what they want for Christmas. It is important to make this experience magical for the child. Not all children are very talkative, you must be able to adapt to adversity. Have readily available books, jingles, or stories to tell. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear North Polers, Christmas is my favoritest holiday! Like, I want to have Christmas stuff all year, but I don’t feel like being shamed about it, so… I always wanted to be Santa Claus, because Santa brings so much joy into the world! And, I think anyone can be Santa—even a chick—because it’s about your heart. It’s not about race or gender. And, I think Santa needs to recognize adults, too. I’ve dressed up as Santa many times for video chats with my male clients. They were very pleased with my fishnets and leather boots and red lingerie. Imagine how I could inspire others? So many North Poles, so little time… Spreading legs and love, Suzi Let me rock, ya, Chaka Khan! Script writer / Voice over SHAKAWEAR – Los Angeles, CA Remote/Contract Looking for a gifted individual with script writing and voice over experience to write, edit storyboards, video scripts and other documentation for a streetwear company located in Los Angeles. Ideal candidates can tackle the process of discussing many facets of the apparel/streetwear industry by creating short videos and performing the voice over. You will work as part of a team of apparel experts and graphic designers to develop the training videos. Must have strong writing experience, sense of humor, a strong work ethic and a team player. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Rattlers, I am all about shaking and rattling. I’ve been a fidget my whole life, and I got some juice in the streets. Everybody knows Suzi S and what I’m about. Which is keepin’ it real on the DL. Fo shizzle. I’m known for my style and my can do attitude. And I talk good and stuff. I do have phone acting experience and my results are always A+. I know that being an influence is something I can do in my sleep, but since this is all active and stuff I won’t be sleeping on the job. Plus, I’m so pumped that Chaka Khan has her own shapewear. She’s booty-tastic and so cool! Shaka, Rattle and Wear, Suzi I love big black… cars! Personal Chauffeur Advocacy Unlimited, Inc We are in need of Personal Chauffeur's applying for this role will be providing friendly, professional and reliable service. The right candidates will need to consult maps or navigation devices for desired routes, checking radio or online traffic and weather reports for departure and destination locations. Advise employer or passenger of potential or existing adverse conditions and suggest alternative routes or travel time adjustments. Keeping vehicles clean and ensuring that they are mechanically sound is a plus. Job Types: Full-time, Part-time Salary: $550.00 to $800.00 /week Experience: transportation: 1 year (Preferred) professional driving: 1 year (Preferred) driving: 1 year (Preferred) limo driver: 1 year (Preferred) city knowledge: 1 year (Preferred) Additional Compensation: Tips Commission Bonuses Suzi's Cover Letter:Dear Driving Divas, I’ve always loved road trips. It’s my favorite way to travel! Crank up the tunes, roll the windows down, pop dem bottles! Woot! Of course, I won’t be popping bottles while driving—except for clients. I can bring extra fun to chauffeuring, because I learned how to do all kinds of things while behind the wheel. I can put on my makeup, eat dinner, lead everyone in some karaoke… Plus, I’d look totally stylin’ in a chauffer’s cap and black suit. Except my suit would either be a skirt of shorts and a blazer. Maybe I’ll paint a shirt on underneath, depending on the occasion of the trip. Fun! Stretched and Ready, Suzi This is a dream job! Cruise Director American Cruise Lines – Phoenix, AZ Overview: The Cruise Director is the most visible advocate for guests and is responsible for creating a fun atmosphere on board while engaging guests at all times through a series of activities, shows, events, presentations and socializing throughout the cruise. The Cruise Director manages the entertainment, presentations, activities, events and communications on board. This leadership role requires an energetic, creative, talented individual with previous cruise/resort experience, extraordinarily polished presentation skills, collaborative approach, team spirit, and a passion for guest satisfaction. Responsibilities: Schedule and execute engaging entertainment, enrichment and activity programs that enhance and elevate the guest experience. Effectively communicate to guests via the shipboard daily program, television, stage, public address system and one-on-one interaction and socialization. Socialize with guests at every opportunity including, but not limited to, meal times and cocktail hour. Greet guests as they depart for and return from shore excursions. Make daily Noon announcement/update; make every effort to make all PA announcements as the “voice” of the cruise. Meet with Excursions Director, Guest Speakers, Guest Instructors and Resident Entertainers at the start of every cruise to review scheduling. Create the daily Ship To Shore Host Officer Introduction and Excursion Briefing. Assist in the delivery of the Safety Briefing with the Captain Ensure lounges are prepared for activities, events, presentations and shows (lounge configuration, A/V requirements, etc.). Confirm entertainers 48-hours in advance; assist entertainers and onboard speakers A/V needs. Create and update bulletin board daily. Work with Excursions Director to prepare folders and materials for turnaround day. Act as company representative at pre-cruise hotels on turnaround day. Promote onboard sales and brand loyalty by hosting re-booking events. Oversee proper VIP guest service delivery. Communicate and report regularly to the Home Office as to the status of the cruise, guest issues and recovery, and the evaluations of Guest Speakers, Instructors and Entertainers. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Cruisers, This opportunity is sooo me. When my gramps used to babysit me, we used to watch that old show The Love Boat. I always wanted to be Julie the Cruise Director. So cute and fun! That’s me! I’m great at planning activities and parties. How about these ideas? Adult ring toss: after hours, using a man’s “rod” as the rod… Beer pong on the lido deck Skinny Dipping with Suzi I could even create a drink special of the day: The Rum Roofie! Can’t wait to chat with you! Cuisin’ & Boozin’, Suzi |
AuthorI'm just your average girl who wants a kick-ass life and... love! If I could be a superhero, that would be AWESOME! I'm currently a "phone actress" looking for a really cool career. Don't get me wrong-- I love giving a hand to dudes who need someone to chat with. Everybody needs somebody! But, my parents keep telling me I need a respectable job. Sigh. Archives
August 2022
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