the crack files:
Suzi sPEAKS
Just an average girl looking for her dream gig. Hit me up at: [email protected]
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I can flow! I mean. I do every month, so why not? Rappers Wanted $20 - $100 an hour – Contract RAPPERS AND SINGERS WANTED FOR SEPTEMBER 7TH 2019 AT PEGASUS NIGHTCLUB IN ATLANTA THIS CONCERT IS SPONSORED BY "CASH APP" SO YOU MUST HAVE A CASH APP ACCOUNT TO APPLY BECAUSE YOU WILL BE PAID WITH CA$H APP DAILY ALSO, TOP PERFORMERS WILL RECEIVE RADIO INTERVIEWS THAT INCLUDE AIRPLAY OF YOUR HOTTEST SINGLE FOR PROMO ONLY HIRING 10 RAPPERS FOR THIS CONCERT SO ACT NOW! TEXT YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS TO 770-896-9006 TO RECEIVE CONCERT OUTLINE THIS CONCERT IS POWERED BY WWW.THERADIOCONNECT.COM Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Dr Dres, I’ve got mad rap skills. In fact, my hip hop name is Wonton Rapper—cuz I’m Asian and stuff. Here’s my rap: My name is Suzi With a real nice booty I drive the boys crazy And their memory is hazy Cuz I took all their dollas After makin’ ‘em holla Now they look like llamas Livin’ with their mommas Word to Your Moms, Suzi Who doesn’t love a good sandwich? Unless you’re on Keto… Sandwich Maker Black Seed Bagels – New York, NY $15 - $18 an hour/Part-time Job Summary: We are currently looking for a hard-working, enthusiastic, self-starters, to join as SANDWICH MAKERS for our growing business. The positions are full-time and part time with lots of room for growth. The position would be based out of our one of current Black Seed locations. Must be available for early mornings and weekends (weekends are a must). Applicants should be kind and team-oriented. They show an interest in food that is fresh, thoughtful, and artisanal. Responsibilities and Duties: Ensuring bagels are of the highest quality Prepare & execute guest's orders for bagels and sandwiches Able to cook on a griddle Be a team player with a sense of urgency for guest's orders Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Food Artists, I’m a total foodie! But I think food should look good, too. Because you experience things with your eyes. I read that somewhere... Anywho, one time I made the best party sandwich. I used an entire loaf of four-cheese bread, sliced it up, and layered with meats and cheeses and mayo and muffaletta. We all gathered around and used forks to eat this work of art. It was awesome! Also, I will taste test stuff to make sure it’s the highest quality. And I’m great with customer service. My clients are references! Better Than White Bread, Suzi I could be cute like that fat girl from that Blind Melon video! Buzzbee The Mascot Entercom Communications Corp – Philadelphia, PA Part-time Description: Buzzbee is B101.1’s official mascot. Buzzbee is an integral part of the station’s brand, and a crucial asset to have on site at promotional events. Buzzbee’s personality is playful, lighthearted, and sweet. The performer of Buzzbee is expected to portray those qualities perfectly during the times where they are performing. Buzzbee plays an integral role as an entertainer at station events and appearances. The mascot will meet and greet station listeners and work closely with the B101.1 Street Team at events to enhance the event experience. Mascot Performer Responsibilities: Interact with people in crowds with little to no direction. This includes high-fives, hugging children (and adults!), posing for pictures, etc. Although Buzzbee will have a handler who will speak for Buzzbee (as he cannot talk), the handler is not responsible for directing every last move of Buzzbee. Understand that Buzzbee is not just a mascot suit, but is a mobile marketing asset. Buzzbee is another way to get the name of B101.1 out to listeners in the same vein as a tent, table, or branded tailgate game. Insert themselves into the action at events, when allowed. This includes coming onto the stage at concerts, ice skating, rollerblading, playing musical instruments, check presenting, and more. Know the limits of performing. In addition to not pushing oneself to the brink of passing out during the summer heat, being in the suit is not a free pass for debauchery or illegal acts. This includes playfully “stealing” cell phones or food, trespassing, taunting, among others. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Buzzers, I’m already an actress (phone), so this is right up my alley. Plus, I love honey bees, and the colors yellow and black. I love people, and fun events, and I am a complete pro! One time, a client wanted me to dress up like a cowgirl and he dressed up like a horse. He was very happy. Sweet As Honey (Bees), Suzi This is soooo me! Phone Greeter NWSC Corp – Fort Lauderdale, FL $375 - $675 a week – Part Time We are hiring telephone greeters. Potential customers visit our website, request more information, you greet the customer, read a short script and transfer the call. Fun, easy job with no experience necessary. Daily and weekly contests and bonuses! Please meet these basic requirements: Know how to use a computer Have a clear speaking voice Friendly demeanor Good work ethic Good personal hygiene Hours are Monday thru Thursday 1-7 and Friday 12-6 (no exceptions) Suzi’s Cover Letter:Dear Operators: I’m a total pro! As you can see on my resume, I’m a phone actress already. I’ll be even better with a script! All my clients say I have the best voice. They keep coming back for more! I would love to work for you, and I guarantee I have great bathing skills, too. Press “1” For Fun, Suzi Like what you read here? Click on the HOME page and subscribe today to unlock premium, members-only content—some of which you won’t find any place else on the internet! Start with your FREE 10-day trial. Chickens with pickles are yummy! Event Coordinator Chicken N Pickle – San Antonio, TX Chicken N Pickle, the hottest new entertainment concept in town, is looking for top level event coordinators. Our brand is that of a rambunctious, multi-generational family that works hard and plays even harder. We are driven to provide our employees with a supportive, meaningful work environment by bringing all voices to the table and providing opportunities for mentorship with career growth. We are looking for individuals to help grow our concept. If this sounds like you, we want to hear from you! As Events Coordinator… You’ll have 2+ years of event experience and/or catering experience Top Notch Negotiation skills Ability to manage vendor relationships Responsible for customer relations Detailed oriented Suzi's Cover Letter:Dear Feathered Friends, OMG, how fun it’d be to work for y’all! I love fried chicken sandwiches w/pickles and lots of mayo! I co-ordinate all kinds of events, like: Who’s Got the Biggest Pickle? Can I Get a Bock-Bock? Gobble, Gobble, That’s Fowl—Chicken Sandwich Eating Contest! And, I’m great at negotiating. One time, a boyfriend wanted to try butt stuff. And I was, like, “the only way is if you get me some diamonds first.” So, I got these really cute earrings. Kosher, Butter, & Dill, Suzi Like what you read here? Click on the HOME page and subscribe today to unlock premium, members-only content—some of which you won’t find any place else on the internet! Start with your FREE 10-day trial. Halloween is so much fun! Halloween Scare Actor Apex Parks Group – San Diego, CA $12 - $15 an hour Bring your scary and goolish talent to Boomers! San Diego, CA Entertainment Performer – Scare Actor Description Exhibit professionalism and model behavior at all times Entertain, SCARE and interact with Guests of all ages with ability to entertain in all weather conditions, darkness, strobe effects, fog, special lighting and among crowds Bring to life the personality of the specific assigned role/character Wear make-up, prosthetic and costumes as supplied for assigned character each shift Perform consistently for several performances per day Minimum Qualifications: Previous performer experience is preferred; specifically dance and voice Available to work flexible hours including evenings, weekends and holidays Ability to pass a background clearance and submit to and pass a drug screen Ability to stand and walk for extended periods of time in all types of extreme weather Ability to climb, kneel, bend, push, and pull with high levels of noise and vibrations Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Scare Stars, Acting is so much fun. I once played Rizzo in “Grease” in high school, and I loved it. Everyone said what a great job I did. And I love Halloween! I always had the best costume to trick or treat in. Once, I was Elvira—complete with fake boobs cuz I was only 8. I got a lot of good candy that night from all the old dudes in the hood. And, I’m a fan of horror movies. Like, I wouldn’t answer the phone for two weeks after I saw The Ring. Fake Blood and Zombie Guts, Suzi Like what you read here? Click on the HOME page and subscribe today to unlock premium, members-only content—some of which you won’t find any place else on the internet! Start with your FREE 10-day trial. I’ve been practicing my wave! Segway Tour Guide Colorado Segway Tours – Denver, CO Part-time Colorado Segway Tours is looking for part-time TOUR GUIDES to work in Denver for Spring, Summer, Fall 219! Here’s the ‘Glide’ Candidates must be personable, articulate and clean cut. An interest in travel, high integrity and a large smile. As a tour guide, you will be asked to learn some interesting facts about Denver, including history, and will be responsible for relaying them to our guests in a fun and unique way. Our guides must be dedicated to delivering the best customer service possible. Guide Staff Availability to lead morning and/or afternoon and/or evening tours. Ensure the training, safety and enjoyment of each guest. Help with pre-tour and post-tour setup. Compensation: Tour guides are paid on a “per tour” basis rate. Employment type: part-time Please Apply If You are at least 21 years of age with a clean driving record. You love working with and meeting new people. You enjoy history and sightseeing. You have an outgoing personality coupled with a strong speaking voice. You are mature, timely, and responsible. And remember to RIDE THE EXPERIENCE! Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Guiding Lights, Next to wanting to be a game show host, I want to be a tour guide! You get to know all kinds of things and look really smart telling people stuff. Plus, I have the cutest rompers I could wear during the tour! I’ll even co-ordinate a helmet if you need me to. I feel like this is destiny for this job. Because I love Colorado and because one time a dude told me I was the ride of a lifetime. So. Sweet. Glidin’ and Ridin’, Suzi Games are fun! Escape Room Host Escapism Portland – Portland, OR $14 an hour – Part-time We are a fun business in Portland looking to expand our operations. We run a room escape game. We are looking for part time employee to join our team. Responsibilities include greeting guests, explaining the rules and the story, and assisting with giving hints to the puzzles while they are playing (via radio). You will also need to set the room back up for the next team to play and do light cleaning. The position is about 5-10 hours per week, depending on our appointments. There are on-call requirements (will get 3 hours’ notice). Pay is $14/hour to start. Currently looking for someone to work Tuesday, Wednesday, and Saturdays in SW (10505 SW Barbur Blvd) or Thursdays and Fridays in NE Portland (10340 NE Weidler). We are looking for someone who is flexible, friendly, and above all reliable. Customer service skills are crucial and ability to do some acting. Every escape room host gives the introduction in character. This position works well for freelancers and students, as the hours worked are dependent on appointments booked and may be spotty throughout the day on call. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Mystery Solvers, I have a sharp mind, a fun personality, and I’ve worn handcuffs before. I am flexible, too. And, I’ve been an on-call girl. I’m the best and my clients love me. And puzzles. I do them all the time with my grandpa. When I was little, if I could beat his puzzle completion time, he would give me wine and potato chips. Such memories! Not Puzzled, Suzi |
AuthorI'm just your average girl who wants a kick-ass life and... love! If I could be a superhero, that would be AWESOME! I'm currently a "phone actress" looking for a really cool career. Don't get me wrong-- I love giving a hand to dudes who need someone to chat with. Everybody needs somebody! But, my parents keep telling me I need a respectable job. Sigh. Archives
August 2022
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