the crack files:
Suzi sPEAKS
Just an average girl looking for her dream gig. Hit me up at: [email protected]
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Let me grab my whip!  Role Players Oak Grove Technologies Fort Jackson, SC Overview: Where creative minds gather…. Average need not apply…. Oak Grove is anything but your typical government contractor. We pride ourselves on our outside-the-box approach to solving customer challenges. We are seeking ‘A Team’ players to continue writing our success story. We are a smaller mid-size company that is growing, profitable, forward thinking and always ready to tackle the next challenging situation our clients face. We have repeat customers because they trust us. Who are they? Sometimes the Government, sometimes the Military, sometimes the commercial world but ALWAYS happy and satisfied. We're focused on providing the best end-to-end training solutions available—and we need the best the industry has to offer. Why? Oak Grove’s readiness training has a stellar international reputation for excellence, we team with top universities to advance cultural development programs, and our award-winning eLearning solutions and training programs outshine the competition. Your work will be challenging and your performance will be recognized and rewarded. Our entrepreneurial-minded team thrives in a fast-paced, fun environment where there are always opportunities to learn something new. We attribute 10+ years of success to the quality of our amazing team, our energetic leadership, and our commitment to excellence and customer happiness. We are proud to be a leading Service-Disabled Veteran-Owned Small Business becoming a mid-size company. We are headquartered in Raleigh, NC as well as an office in the National Capital Region. Responsibilities: Oak Grove Technologies is looking to hire Role Players in Fort Jackson, SC. A Role Player must ‘live’ the part and freely adapt the character in response to how the student reacts to a situation. It is impromptu acting ‘in role’ as the training situations develop. Shall observe student activities and provide oral and written feedback Shall attend a briefing prior to the execution of each training event, and an after action review at the conclusion of each training event, and daily in/out briefings. Act out assigned roles as enemy persons or civilian non-combatants in accordance with assigned scenarios. At times, role players may be required to perform numerous roles or other roles in support of the exercise depending on exercise requirements (i.e. a role player may be required to play an enemy combatant as well as the role of a civilian on the battlefield [COB]); simulate combat activity by exhibiting behaviors appropriate to the role and by firing blank ammunition; or perform rudimentary light infantry tactics. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Thespians, I was meant to do this. For realz. So many reasons! First of all, politicians have been my best phone clients. That one County Councilman sure loves butt stuff! He called me a lot! I saw that you need members for your A Team, which is perfect, because I was in a Cinemax-type after-hours movie called “The Ahhh Team.” I know what it takes to be on top! And the role playing is what my phone job is all about. Stepping into a part to make the client happy. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Star of Phone and Bone, Suzi I have a great eye for talent! Talent Manager THE KASH AGENCY Salary: Up to $7,000 a month Full Job Description We are looking for an experienced talent managers within the entertainment industry to manage talent and development of deals. We work primarily within the space of TikTok. With a huge presence in the music industry, TikTok has developed some very unique business avenues for emerging TikTok Stars. In this position you will work extensively with brands, record labels, talent agents, & talents from across a variety of Nichès. We service the music industry heavily. Producing over 100 videos a month for music industry artists & executives, our creators make sure their fans never get bored on the App. This job is ideal for people looking to enter into the entertainment industry and or work this field as extra endeavor. This job also has a extremely high potential to very much be a full-time job. We close 20-30 deals a month and generate 10-20 leads a day ranging from Brands to Labels interested in our services. With such consistency in our flow of business it makes the process of acquiring deals as a manager almost inconsequential and or seamless. Responsibilities Oversee the day-to-day business affairs of the talent/artist Advise and counsel talent concerning professional matters, long-term plans and personal decisions which may affect their career. Effectively close deals for the talent. Utilizing entertainment industry relationships to help further talents career Project manage event-related campaigns including but not limited to vendor and freelancer management Build strong relationships with strategic event organizers in the region Partner with other agencies to develop media plans and performance driven creative solutions that result in effective, breakthrough communication around our monetization products/solution Build marketing Campaigns for record labels (Both independent and mainstream labels) & Top brands such as (Bang Energy, Monster, Fashionova, Ethika, Etc.) Skills Proven work experience as a talent manager Track record in designing and executing successful business plans Familiarity with traditional and modern entertainment industry business practices Excellent communication and leadership skills Ability to plan, multi-task and manage time effectively Strong writing and record keeping ability for emails and keeping track of deals Good computer and database skills Pay: Up to $7,000.00 per month Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Star Watchers, There was a time when my sister wanted to be a model, so I managed her career. Which flopped. But that’s not my fault. She decided to pump out 4 kids from 3 different dads and got fat af. Anywho, I had to deal with her bitchy ways and managed not to kill her, so I can deal with any kind of diva. Plus, I love music and I once had a couple of rap songs out. The videos did well. We were all in bikinis rappin’ and having some drinks, and the sun was out. I’ve always been a part of the entertainment business, so why not be a boss bitch? Managing is Everything, Suzi Do I know my way around a camera or what! I DO! Wedding Photographer Fairytale Productions Event Services Tampa, FL LEAD PHOTOGRAPHERS NEEDED TO CAPTURE WEDDINGS - great pay, steady work, have fun at parties! Are you looking to photograph events where people are having a ton of fun and love is in the air? We are a wedding photography company with over 20 years combined in the industry and can help you do that! All you need is some of your own equipment and some experience capturing weddings. This is a Shoot and Send position - we handle all pre-wedding and post-wedding tasks (including selecting finals and editing). This leaves you with the time you need to focus on your own business! Pay: $700 per day (8 hours = $87.50/hour). You have the chance to earn $700-$800 multiple days of the year if you provide good work. Travel: You'll need your own car but you won't always have to travel far! Most of our jobs are in the Tampa area. If you do have to drive far, you'll get compensated for mileage. FREELANCER MUST PROVIDE OWN EQUIPMENT. Necessary equipment: -DSLR or Mirrorless camera (2 cameras - one for a backup) -SD cards and batteries - Quality Lenses -Flash (on camera and/or external) Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Fab Photogs, This. This is so me. I have been in, like, so many weddings because I am the ultimate bridesmaid. Seriously. I’m the ultimate bridesmaid who knows how to throw awesome parties and have so much fun and keep things moving on wedding day. So imagine all my experience behind the camera! I know what it takes to make a good pic. I’m *this* close to becoming an influencer. Because my Insta is on point. And, my fun energy will just make everyone have fun and I’ll get the best pics—even ones that shouldn’t make the album cuz they’re a little naughty!!! Point and Shoot This, Suzi Call me Yogi! Park RangerThe State of Florida – White Springs Salary: $2,166.67 Month; $26,000.04 Year This is moderately independent work providing Visitor Services, Resource Management, Maintenance, Administration and Protection of Stephen Foster Folk Culture Center State Park. VISITOR SERVICES - Explains facilities and services provided for public use, enjoyment and education; meets visitors, answers questions, provides information and directions. Attempts to resolve visitor complaints while maintaining good public relations. Provides natural and cultural history interpretive programs, assists with set up and break down of all park special events and provides unit specific services as directed. RESOURCE MANAGEMENT - Recognizes biological communities and the natural processes required for their maintenance. Observes, maintains and protects the natural, cultural, historic and archaeological resources of the park. Participates in prescribed burning related activities. Implements vegetation and wildlife management plans, maintains optimum species control via natural and chemical means. Implements site restoration projects such as reforestation and erosion control. Implements water resources management plans. Collects and records resource management data. Collects and records resource management data. MAINTENANCE - Maintains park structures, facilities, equipment and grounds through routine, preventive, and corrective maintenance practices. Conducts routine inspections to ensure proper maintenance standards are met. Maintains cleanliness of grounds and facilities. ADMINISTRATION - Prepares forms and reports on a wide range of subjects including visitation, vehicle usage, purchase requests and accidents. Answers telephone operates park radio, computer and various office equipment; conducts purchasing and fiscal activities in compliance with established procedures. Collects fees, performs cash register transactions and reconciles receipts. Orders, sells and inventories resale merchandise. Answers correspondence and maintains park files. PROTECTION - Performs routine patrols and security checks; takes appropriate action to ensure visitor safety and adherence to park rules; ensures adherence to the Park Protection Plan. Opens and/or secures park facilities as appropriate. Interprets and enforces park rules pertaining to all natural and cultural resources and facilities and use thereof for the safety and enjoyment of the visitor. Responsible for security of cash fund. Performs other related duties as required. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Pic-ih-nic Basket People, I have loved the great outdoors thanks to Yogi Bear. I mean, seriously. How cute. And fun. Now, I think we could use a little freshening up of the uniforms, because khaki is just so boring, but if we have to keep those colors, I suggest we wear some Skechers in hot pink or something. Cute and useful, right? I’m really great at giving tours. Many of my phone clients have translated into other opportunities where they have big parties at their homes and they want the ladies there to entertain, and so I always show the girls around the homes and make it sound so awesome. And, I’ll be great with security. I have a pink taser, and I’m a fan of the movie “Broken Arrow”. And wasn’t what’s-her-face a park ranger? Yeah. I practiced her moves and stuff. So… It’s The Climb, Suzi P.S. I really hate bugs, so can I limit my time outdoors? I’m great at reacting! React Developer SmashNet – United States Full-time/Part-time, $4,000 - $5,000/month Full Job Description React JS Developer React Developer (Video Games, Anime, eCommerce) Position is fully remote. Description: React Developer to work with and coordinate closely with CTO at a successful startup. You will be developing a React.js admin dashboard for a rapidly growing eCommerce platform that specializes in live autograph sales for actors, voice actors, and social media influencers. Backend: MySQL, Node.js, AWS, Stripe. Company has a laid-back culture and developers work on a very flexible schedule. Room for career growth as company grows. Qualifications: React.js, React Hooks, flexbox, strong material design skills, web sockets, works independently without a reliance on 3rd party packages, STRONG CSS SKILLS, extremely detail oriented, can create beautiful components without strict design specs. Perks: MySQL, Node.js, REST API, AWS, Stripe. Suzi’s Cover Letter:Dear Nerdos, I am a unique person. So when I saw you were looking for a reaction developer, well, hello—totally me! I’m the queen of reactions. To me, it’s like a mini-performance. Like, I could get an Oscar every day. I’ve even created some new reactions that are sure to catch on: Penisppointment: When a guy drops his pants and you realize he’s mis-measured… again. You smile real big with soft eyes that say: thank god for batteries, but we’ll have a little fun with this for a few minutes. Giftfailure: When you make a frowny face, but smile with your eyes because your gift has missed the mark. You’re grateful, but lacey thongs are just so cliché. Face On, Suzi Hello! Me and the phone? We good. Answering Service - Medical - Remote Telephone Operator Physicians' Answering Service – Remote Full Job Description Job openings for Evenings, At least One Weekend Day & Holidays. Customer service representatives that are dependable, have excellent attendance history and type of at least 40 wpm (tested). Applicants only in the area of Portland, OR. Excellent spelling and grammar Clear speaking voice, pleasant and friendly mannerisms. Computer skills. Has a Windows 10 PC, PC Headset w/ Microphone, Fast Internet. Ability to adapt and perform at a fast paced environment. Transfer calls and relay verbal messages. Record and deliver messages Excellent in documentation and organization. Perform other clerical duties as necessary. Team Player Follows Direction Bilingual Preferred Pay: $13.50 - $13.75 per hour Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Inquirers, My phone skills are da bomb, and I’m such a good listener! I mean, that’s what my job is right now. But I want to go a little more legit, which is why I’m looking for my dream job. So, why not use my phone skills? And I might even make some new friends, because once you get to chatting with me, you’ll love me! All my clients love me. Oh, and I’m really good at taking notes and my grammer is real good, to. I did pretty good with that stuff in school. But I did get a lot of extra credit. I think it helped that Mr. Jennings had a crush on me… Ring Me, Suzi Follow my lead! Conductor Bay Colony Railroad Corp – Boston, MA Salary/$25 an hour Job Type/Part-time Bay Colony Railroad Corp. is looking for a Part-Time Freight Conductor A conductor's primary responsibility is to safely coordinate train crews on a freight train, place rail cars to facilitate loading and unloading, and makeup/breakdown trains in a rail yard, customer facility or similar locations. Candidate selected for this part-time position will cover Millis and Watuppa, MA locations. Primary Activities and Responsibilities Ensure compliance with all train orders, signals, railroad and safety rules and Federal Railroad Administration (FRA) regulations Be able to safely perform all job responsibilities Inspect all equipment on cars prior to departures Receive and transmit information by radio and telephone Read and understand bulletins, work orders, and switch lists Assist with the coupling and uncoupling of cars, operate switches, and make minor repairs to railcars, including replacing heavy couplings or air brake hoses Work with customers to ensure accurate movement and placement of cars; delivers excellent customer service by identifying customer needs and meeting or exceeding expectations Maintain awareness of surrounding area and suspicious activity to ensure rail safety Operate locomotive equipment through the use of remote control device Quickly and repeatedly make precise adjustments in moving the controls of a machine or vehicle to exact positions Comprehend color and/or hand signals and systems Review instructions from dispatchers and other transportation employees, and discuss with locomotive engineer Minimum Qualifications High School Diploma/GED 2 years work experience or equivalent training Must have a valid driver’s license Must have less than 4 points on motor vehicle report Current FRA Conductor Certification Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Musical Marvels, I feel I have leadership abilities. And it would by my pleasure and an honor to lead your beautiful sounds! I played in the band in high school. I was *this* close to making the first row in flutes, but the other girls ahead of me apparently have good knee pads because… whatever. I always thought the conductor was the coolest. He gets to wear that cool tux. Like, I want to wear some badass gown with a tiara and have a wand that’s all sparkly and stuff. I can keep good time and I love music. Plus, I know how to jazz up a performance. My conducting will be so legendary. But I don’t know what an orchestra has to do with trains. Maybe concerts on the train? That would be cool. Follow My Stick, Suzi Twinkle, twinkle, I “thinkle” I can do this!  Astrology Writer Elite Daily Part-time Elite Daily is seeking a remote, part-time Astrology writer to join its Experiences vertical. Day-to-day responsibilities include pitching and writing monthly horoscopes and evergreen zodiac-related content. Examples of the types of articles you’d work on include the spiritual meaning of a solar eclipse, which signs will have the worst month, the best matches for Sagittarius, and how you should decorate your living space, according to your sign. Applicants should have an expert knowledge of all aspects of the zodiac, including a solid understanding of how to read individual birth charts. We’re looking for someone who is interested in what the stars can reveal about everything from the Schitt’s Creek character you are to who you are on Instagram. The ideal candidate is also creative, familiar with the Elite Daily voice, and possesses the ability to produce humorous, light-hearted, clean, and engaging content while meeting daily deadlines. The position is part-time, remote, takes place during normal business hours (EST), and reports to the Senior Experiences Editor. Responsibilities Be able to turn around 3 articles per day in a timely manner Pitch fresh angles related to astrology Remain flexible while meeting deadlines Requirements Availability to work remotely 4 days a week, Monday - Friday 2+ years of relevant blogging/writing experience Familiarity with SEO best practices Proficiency in writing in AP Style A deep understanding of astrology Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Stargazers, I literally feel like this is written in the stars for me. My people are all holistic and zen and deep-thinkers and stuff, so astrology is my thing. Plus, my great-grandmother was some kind of showman back in some village and could read everybody. I’m good at reading people, but like in a modern way. Anywho, I bought this book on astrology years ago so I could figure out which dudes would be compatible with me and which ones to stay away from. Here’s a sample reading thingie: "If you’re an Aries and you’ve been a hoe, you better get to the doctor and have your jayjay looked at. Because you’re a fire sign. And there may be a fire in your panties that doesn’t need to spread. Like you apparently spread your legs one too many times." Isn’t that great!?!? Milky Ways and Galaxy Quests, Suzi I’m a little bit country…  House Attendant Los Angeles Country Club - Los Angeles, CA Job Type: Full-time or Part-time Position Summary Clean all public areas, employee areas and golf course bathrooms, tennis pro office, maintenance dorms and offices as assigned, in accordance with established quality and performance standards. Assist in the moving of furniture from various locations to accommodate banquet needs. Additional responsibilities include those of a Bellman and Doorman when needed. Performs duties for scheduled projects related to maintenance as assigned by the Department Head. Suzi’s Cover Letter:Dear One-Percenters, I’ve been wanting to unite two worlds: rich and poor. And what better way than through country music. I think a great theme would be country meets the country club. Yee Hawwwww! With pinkies up, of course! Think of all the fun that could be had. Riding a mechanical bull before dinner with Tiffany and Benson. Drinking Cristal from Mason jars. Eating Waygu jerky. Let’s be united in our snobbery. Plus, momma said a country club is a good place to meet a good man. In fact, one of my phone clients is a rich dude who goes to a country club… His wife never wants to play in the hay, so… Clubbers and Chuggers, Suzi Debt happens. I know this.  Debt Consultant Freedom Financial Network - Tempe, AZ Salary: $75,000 - $115,000 a year Job Type: Full-time Full Job Description Attention Inside Sales Professionals! Do you have excellent in-person or telephone sales experience? Are you looking for an opportunity with uncapped commissions? Are you ready to say goodbye to cold calling and exclusively work warm leads? If you’re a people person, joining Freedom Debt Relief is a capital idea. As an Inside Sales Representative, you’ll be the voice of the company as you consult with our amazing clients to help them find solutions to pay off their consumer debt and move forward toward a better financial future. You’ll be rewarded with attractive pay and benefits, and we’ll have your back with continuous training to help you develop your skills, grow your career or pursue a path into leadership. Don’t have a financial background? No problem. We provide paid comprehensive training. Work 40+ hours weekly Shift: Thursday through Monday Between the hours of 6am and 8pm Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Money Bags, This is, like, the perfect example of taking the skills I have and taking it all to the next level! I’m so the expert at inside sales!!! Like, seriously! I’m a saleswoman right now! I’m an experienced phone actress, so I totally sell the sexy while I’m sitting in my yoga pants eating a cupcake while Uncle Larry is touching his fossil stick getting all happy and thanking me and sending me gifts and money because he’s happy! Plus, I can empathy with people who are in debt. I was in debt before my phone acting gig. Like, credit cards were my friends because you can spend and never pay the bill… but that’s not true. So, now I use someone else’s credit card and they pay the bill. I can’t wait to share my knowledge with your customers. Pass Your Debt On, Suzi |
AuthorI'm just your average girl who wants a kick-ass life and... love! If I could be a superhero, that would be AWESOME! I'm currently a "phone actress" looking for a really cool career. Don't get me wrong-- I love giving a hand to dudes who need someone to chat with. Everybody needs somebody! But, my parents keep telling me I need a respectable job. Sigh. Archives
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