the crack files:
Suzi sPEAKS
Just an average girl looking for her dream gig. Hit me up at: [email protected]
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I’m great at reacting!  React Developer SmashNet – United States Full-time/Part-time, $4,000 - $5,000/month Full Job Description React JS Developer React Developer (Video Games, Anime, eCommerce) Position is fully remote. Description: React Developer to work with and coordinate closely with CTO at a successful startup. You will be developing a React.js admin dashboard for a rapidly growing eCommerce platform that specializes in live autograph sales for actors, voice actors, and social media influencers. Backend: MySQL, Node.js, AWS, Stripe. Company has a laid-back culture and developers work on a very flexible schedule. Room for career growth as company grows. Qualifications: React.js, React Hooks, flexbox, strong material design skills, web sockets, works independently without a reliance on 3rd party packages, STRONG CSS SKILLS, extremely detail oriented, can create beautiful components without strict design specs. Perks: MySQL, Node.js, REST API, AWS, Stripe. Suzi’s Cover Letter:Dear Nerdos, I am a unique person. So when I saw you were looking for a reaction developer, well, hello—totally me! I’m the queen of reactions. To me, it’s like a mini-performance. Like, I could get an Oscar every day. I’ve even created some new reactions that are sure to catch on: Penisppointment: When a guy drops his pants and you realize he’s mis-measured… again. You smile real big with soft eyes that say: thank god for batteries, but we’ll have a little fun with this for a few minutes. Giftfailure: When you make a frowny face, but smile with your eyes because your gift has missed the mark. You’re grateful, but lacey thongs are just so cliché. Face On, Suzi Hello! Me and the phone? We good. Answering Service - Medical - Remote Telephone Operator Physicians' Answering Service – Remote Full Job Description Job openings for Evenings, At least One Weekend Day & Holidays. Customer service representatives that are dependable, have excellent attendance history and type of at least 40 wpm (tested). Applicants only in the area of Portland, OR. Excellent spelling and grammar Clear speaking voice, pleasant and friendly mannerisms. Computer skills. Has a Windows 10 PC, PC Headset w/ Microphone, Fast Internet. Ability to adapt and perform at a fast paced environment. Transfer calls and relay verbal messages. Record and deliver messages Excellent in documentation and organization. Perform other clerical duties as necessary. Team Player Follows Direction Bilingual Preferred Pay: $13.50 - $13.75 per hour Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Inquirers, My phone skills are da bomb, and I’m such a good listener! I mean, that’s what my job is right now. But I want to go a little more legit, which is why I’m looking for my dream job. So, why not use my phone skills? And I might even make some new friends, because once you get to chatting with me, you’ll love me! All my clients love me. Oh, and I’m really good at taking notes and my grammer is real good, to. I did pretty good with that stuff in school. But I did get a lot of extra credit. I think it helped that Mr. Jennings had a crush on me… Ring Me, Suzi Follow my lead! Conductor Bay Colony Railroad Corp – Boston, MA Salary/$25 an hour Job Type/Part-time Bay Colony Railroad Corp. is looking for a Part-Time Freight Conductor A conductor's primary responsibility is to safely coordinate train crews on a freight train, place rail cars to facilitate loading and unloading, and makeup/breakdown trains in a rail yard, customer facility or similar locations. Candidate selected for this part-time position will cover Millis and Watuppa, MA locations. Primary Activities and Responsibilities Ensure compliance with all train orders, signals, railroad and safety rules and Federal Railroad Administration (FRA) regulations Be able to safely perform all job responsibilities Inspect all equipment on cars prior to departures Receive and transmit information by radio and telephone Read and understand bulletins, work orders, and switch lists Assist with the coupling and uncoupling of cars, operate switches, and make minor repairs to railcars, including replacing heavy couplings or air brake hoses Work with customers to ensure accurate movement and placement of cars; delivers excellent customer service by identifying customer needs and meeting or exceeding expectations Maintain awareness of surrounding area and suspicious activity to ensure rail safety Operate locomotive equipment through the use of remote control device Quickly and repeatedly make precise adjustments in moving the controls of a machine or vehicle to exact positions Comprehend color and/or hand signals and systems Review instructions from dispatchers and other transportation employees, and discuss with locomotive engineer Minimum Qualifications High School Diploma/GED 2 years work experience or equivalent training Must have a valid driver’s license Must have less than 4 points on motor vehicle report Current FRA Conductor Certification Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Musical Marvels, I feel I have leadership abilities. And it would by my pleasure and an honor to lead your beautiful sounds! I played in the band in high school. I was *this* close to making the first row in flutes, but the other girls ahead of me apparently have good knee pads because… whatever. I always thought the conductor was the coolest. He gets to wear that cool tux. Like, I want to wear some badass gown with a tiara and have a wand that’s all sparkly and stuff. I can keep good time and I love music. Plus, I know how to jazz up a performance. My conducting will be so legendary. But I don’t know what an orchestra has to do with trains. Maybe concerts on the train? That would be cool. Follow My Stick, Suzi Twinkle, twinkle, I “thinkle” I can do this!  Astrology Writer Elite Daily Part-time Elite Daily is seeking a remote, part-time Astrology writer to join its Experiences vertical. Day-to-day responsibilities include pitching and writing monthly horoscopes and evergreen zodiac-related content. Examples of the types of articles you’d work on include the spiritual meaning of a solar eclipse, which signs will have the worst month, the best matches for Sagittarius, and how you should decorate your living space, according to your sign. Applicants should have an expert knowledge of all aspects of the zodiac, including a solid understanding of how to read individual birth charts. We’re looking for someone who is interested in what the stars can reveal about everything from the Schitt’s Creek character you are to who you are on Instagram. The ideal candidate is also creative, familiar with the Elite Daily voice, and possesses the ability to produce humorous, light-hearted, clean, and engaging content while meeting daily deadlines. The position is part-time, remote, takes place during normal business hours (EST), and reports to the Senior Experiences Editor. Responsibilities Be able to turn around 3 articles per day in a timely manner Pitch fresh angles related to astrology Remain flexible while meeting deadlines Requirements Availability to work remotely 4 days a week, Monday - Friday 2+ years of relevant blogging/writing experience Familiarity with SEO best practices Proficiency in writing in AP Style A deep understanding of astrology Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Stargazers, I literally feel like this is written in the stars for me. My people are all holistic and zen and deep-thinkers and stuff, so astrology is my thing. Plus, my great-grandmother was some kind of showman back in some village and could read everybody. I’m good at reading people, but like in a modern way. Anywho, I bought this book on astrology years ago so I could figure out which dudes would be compatible with me and which ones to stay away from. Here’s a sample reading thingie: "If you’re an Aries and you’ve been a hoe, you better get to the doctor and have your jayjay looked at. Because you’re a fire sign. And there may be a fire in your panties that doesn’t need to spread. Like you apparently spread your legs one too many times." Isn’t that great!?!? Milky Ways and Galaxy Quests, Suzi |
AuthorI'm just your average girl who wants a kick-ass life and... love! If I could be a superhero, that would be AWESOME! I'm currently a "phone actress" looking for a really cool career. Don't get me wrong-- I love giving a hand to dudes who need someone to chat with. Everybody needs somebody! But, my parents keep telling me I need a respectable job. Sigh. Archives
August 2022
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