the crack files:
Suzi sPEAKS
Just an average girl looking for her dream gig. Hit me up at: [email protected]
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I have a green thumb! Church Planter – Resident Cherry Hills Community Church – United States Commission A Church Planting Resident partners in the fulfillment of the Great Commission by training to plant, and then planting a church that is all about love (love expressed up in worship, love experienced down in discipleship, and love extended out in mission) and committed to ongoing church planting. In preparation for his/her first church plant, the Church Planting Resident serves as a Cherry Hills Community Church staff member and resident in training (January through April), gaining experience in every aspect of ministry, including, but not limited to, teaching, leading, programming, Adult and Next Gen ministry, and church administration. Church planters who complete the residency and meet the benchmarks for participation are eligible to receive dollar-for-dollar support match (up to pre-determined amounts) over three years. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Gardenistas, I’m actually really good with plants, considering no one else in my family can grow anything. I bought this tiny little money tree, and now it’s five feet tall! I talk to Ralph (that’s his name) every day. I give him water. I kiss his leaves. He’s the best. If I could only find a dude like Ralph… Anywho, I’m great with design. I could do this at your church:  Nifty, huh? PTL, Suzi I love this stuff! Holistic Administrative Assistant Clinic for Pain and Anxiety - Beverly Hills, CA $18 - $20 an hour We are a fast growing integrative acupuncture clinic located in Beverly Hills and we are looking to hire a full time Medical Administrative Assistant. Job Requirements and Responsibilities: Excellent communication and customer service skills and being a positive team player! Compassionate and caring attitude Must speak English clearly and proficiently Excellent phone/voice manner Balance books to make sure all payments received Able to use social media platforms Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Ohm-sters, I can totally be an administrative assistant! Why? Because I’m awesome on the phone and with people. See my resume. And, if you can’t tell—I’m spunky! Plus, I’m Asian. We’re all about the needles and holistic stuff. Hellooooo! We invented it! Plus, I’m meant to help others. Oh, and check out my book balancing skills. Peace & Luv, Suzi So many brows, so little time! Eyebrow Artist BrowZing LA – Los Angeles, CA BrowZing LA is a trendy eyebrow/eyelash salon in the heart of Toluca Lake. Beautiful prime location surrounded by restaurants, retail shops and lots of foot traffic. We take great pride in searching for passionate beauty lovers to join our team. The Eyebrow Artist is responsible for providing excellent customer service while maintaining a state board compliance area. We will provide excellent training. Contact us if you want to grow and work in a fun professional environment. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Mother Plucker, Brows are fun! Except for my grandma’s. She plucks them and then draws them in—in purple! She's in her Lady Gaga phase... still... Anwho, check out my brow work:  I’ve got a bazillion ideas! Wax on and off, Suzi I’ve got complaints for days! Complaint Writer City of St. Petersburg- Saint Petersburg, FL $17.84 - $27.31/hour REQUIREMENTS TO WORK AS A COMPLAINT WRITER IN THE POLICE DEPARTMENT: For this position, a selected candidate will be required to undergo a criminal background check, and a credit history check. Applicants must fully disclose criminal history. Applicants must submit a resume with their application to be considered. Individuals hired by the City as Complaint Writers, as a condition of continued employment, must complete the 911 Public Safety Telecommunicator Program and past he Florida Certification Exam within 11 and one-half months of appointment to the position; and must also successfully complete call taker, teletype, and dispatch training within 24 months of appointment to the position. The position handles incoming emergency and non-emergency calls on an ACD system using a computer aided dispatch system. Work includes receipt and transmission of radio messages; and dispatching police units to emergency or non-emergency situations throughout the city and surrounding areas. Employees work rotating shifts which cover 24 hours each day and include holidays and weekends. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Misery Loves Company, I’m so ready for this job. Not only have I been around complainers my entire life, but I’m good at complaining because I make it sound awesome. Check out this tweet I shot to Piada: Hey, Piada. What’s the sense in having a Grab & Go option on your app if your food isn’t ready when you get there? Hello. Not cool. #lateforwork #neveragain I think it’s really cool that you have all this training to take complaints. Who knew you needed, like, a whole army? This is how I envision taking complaints: Blessed not stressed, Suzi You need to be making a statement, always! Vehicle ArtistCamouflaj – Bellvue, WA Camouflaj, the maker of “meaningful games” such as the episodic series REPUBLIQUE, is looking for an exceptionally skilled Vehicle Artist to join our team and work on exciting new VR projects. The ideal candidate has extensive experience in modeling, sculpting and texturing a diverse range of vehicles of all types (cars, trucks, helicopters, planes, military units, boats and sci-fi vehicles, etc.) You have an ability to demonstrate individual vehicle design skills, from concept to creation, and your units are not carbon copies of existing vehicles. Your art still retains an essence and design feel of the specific real-world references and associated individual styling cues. Responsibilities: Collaborate with designers, programmers, and animators to design and create realistic and believable vehicle models Handle critique and be willing to adapt models to hit the team’s unified vision Collaborate with other team artists in order to hit common milestones on time Camouflaj is a small and a dynamic team. Each member holds a high degree of freedom and responsibility. Your tasks will be broad and you will be challenged to learn new systems. You won’t be alone, however—we are a close-knit team that wants each other to succeed. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Road Warriors, I am an artist in my heart and an original! My mind is so full of ideas it might explode, y’all! And, I’m a team player. So I’m open to feedback. Once, one of my phone clients said I need to speak in a different tone to get him to the peak. So, I did. He was very happy! Check out one of my car designs. I call it “Hot Bumpin’ and Rubbin’”. It’s a bumper car with flame thrower. We need this in real life for all those bad drivers.  And I really want to work for a company that’s like family. Because I like to give hugs. Burning rubber and stuff, Suzi Me + Kids = Awesome! KidsWorld Attendant Silver Creek Sportsplex – San Jose, CA $15/hour Part Time Mission: To personally contribute to the Kid’s World team goal of providing fun, educational, and caring childcare services to the children of members and guests, in a safe, warm and welcoming environment. Build rapport with and take a genuine interest in all children and parents utilizing the club’s childcare services. To participate in everyday activities such as organizing arts and crafts time, leading games, reading stories, and singing songs. To promote the club’s youth programs and activities, and assist parents in program registration. Drivers of Success: Member Service Obsession Love of (& experience with) working with children of all ages Personable, friendly demeanor Team player, leadership skills Professionalism, responsibility Enthusiasm, achievement orientation Patience Primary Responsibilities: Supervise and care for children in the center Treat all children fairly, but pay special attention to newcomers, shy children, physically or mentally challenged children, or others with special needs Establish rapport with children and parents; show genuine interest Assist in transporting children to and from studio for kids’ classes Essential Physical Requirements: Write, speak, read, hear and see Stand for prolonged periods Bend, lift, and carry babies, children, supplies, toys, equipment Project voice across crowded, noisy room Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Little Lovers, I have all the right things for this job. I babysit my sister’s four kids all the time because all she is/was is/was a baby incubator. Anywho, I’m very creative in finding ways to occupy their time. And I love all the kids’ stuff. Like cartoons and coloring. And pretend time. I could teach math: 5 x 6 = 36 And colors: Yellow + Blue = Purple So fun! Plus, how cute would it be to put all the kids on leashes!?!? No one would get lost! Lunch Boxes & Drink Boxes, Suzi I like spicing things up! Nuke ArtistTechnicolor – Los Angeles, CA Job Description The Nuke Artist is responsible for seamlessly integrating all the layers or elements of a shot, including live-action and computer graphic elements. They work closely with Visual Effects Supervisor and CG Lead to composite the numerous elements that complete visual-effects shots. Responsibilities: Working in collaboration with the Compositing Supervisor and Visual Effects Supervisor to evaluate the creative and technical approach to assigned shots Taking briefs and direction from Lead Compositors and VFX Supervisors to execute assigned shots Working with a good knowledge of color space principles Essential Skills: An excellent working knowledge of and production experience with Nuke, Flame and/or After Effects A familiarity with working with multiple render passes A pro-active and collaborative work ethic The ability to multitask, prioritize and problem solve Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Art of Warsters, I think war sucks. But if you’re gonna fight, you might as well do it in style. Like Game of Thrones. Everything is so attractive, and their clothes are, like, on point. So why shouldn’t weapons be cute? Here’s how I would make a nuke cool:  We could make them colored or patterned. And the mushroom cloud should be pink. If you’re gonna melt, then melt in a fabulous way! Droppin’ bombs, Suzi I have plenty of experience for this job! Nanny Los Angeles, CA $20 an hour We need a babysitter for our child (2 years). It would be great if you could drive the kid around, take care of kid and help with homework. If interested, kindly text me at 860-506-5289. Thanks, Joseph! Suzi's Cover Letter:Dear Baby Loves, I’m the perfect nanny for you! I have experience babysitting my sister’s four kids from four different dads. She’s such a lazy wench! Anywho, kids listen to me. Any I know how to keep them entertained. I can play games with them, like Hide and Go to Sleep. Sometimes a NyQuil popsicle makes nap time easier. I can drive kids around. I have a car seat and plenty of room in the trunk. Kidz Bop Til You Drop, Suzi I'm good at basketball! Harlem Globetrotters Announcer Stone Mountain Park – Peachtree, GA Position Summary: The announcer has the responsibility to engage the crowd, build energy in the arena, and keep the momentum and flow of the game moving. In addition, responsibilities include hyping up the crowd, leading on-court promotions, sponsor recognition, and ensuring the game scripts are carried out as directed. Perform as public address announcer at all HGI games and appearances as assigned with script and limited improvisation. Perform as on-court MC as needed for games and appearances as assigned with script and limited improvisation. Attend all HGI scheduled practices, games, events, and appearances as assigned. Suzi's Cover Letter:Dear Hot For Trotters, I used to play basketball in grade school. I was the best on my team! And I used to act in school plays. So, I was born to combine basketball and entertainment. Wow! I’ve never been shy. I sued to perform for my dolls and stuffed animals with “Suzi’s Variety Show.” When I grew up, which is now, I hosted bikini trivia nights at local bars. And I’ve been a promo girl for mixed drink products. And tampons. Plus, a small part of me always wanted to be on a dance squad. Maybe I can work in some family-friendly moves. No fouls here, Suzi |
AuthorI'm just your average girl who wants a kick-ass life and... love! If I could be a superhero, that would be AWESOME! I'm currently a "phone actress" looking for a really cool career. Don't get me wrong-- I love giving a hand to dudes who need someone to chat with. Everybody needs somebody! But, my parents keep telling me I need a respectable job. Sigh. Archives
August 2022
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