the crack files:
Suzi sPEAKS
Just an average girl looking for her dream gig. Hit me up at: [email protected]
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I always had a crush on Steve Irwin!  Wildlife Technician Meridian Bird Removal – Jackson, TN Part-Time/$1,000-$1,500 per month Do you enjoy the thrill of the chase? Would you like to get paid for doing something you enjoy as much as a hobby? Come join us and catch birds! We have captured tens of thousands of birds across the nation, and we want you to join us. Our motto: We Embrace New Adventures Daily! Meridian Bird Removal is seeking a Part-Time Bird Removal Technician who likes a challenge and is committed to seeing a job through to completion. Who is our ideal candidate? Our diverse workforce consists of talented individuals of many different backgrounds and includes hunters, trappers, wildlife and outdoor enthusiasts, biologists, recent college graduates, retired professionals, veterans, artists, and more! People who succeed in this role come from backgrounds such as veterinarian assistants, dog walkers, pest control, technicians, wildlife removal, and much more! We also have people who are gig workers, freelancers, and contractors. As a company, we love to hire bird enthusiasts and animal lovers! What will you need to succeed? The right candidate will have a strong passion for solving customers' problems. Our technicians address health and food safety issues created by birds. Commits to completing each job Solves problems Has a thirst for knowledge Has an appreciation for wildlife and nature Loves helping people Thrives independently yet can be part of a team Enjoys traveling Embraces adventure and challenge Meet the physically demanding requirements of the job-standing, walking, lifting, and looking up at birds. Meet the visual requirements—are you able to see small birds at long distances and follow their flight patterns. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Feathered Friends, I feel like birds are my spirit animal. And I’ve felt that ever since I held the first bird in my hand. Since then, I have so many in my hand. Big. Small. Crooked. They’re all wonderful and special! And they always respond well to me! And I let them hop all over me—even my face. I don’t mind. And I love to hug! So, embracing whatever bird you need me to is cool. Pecking Away, Suzi I sure can blow!  Trombone Teachers The Music Teachers Network – Columbus, PA Part-Time Full Job Description The following job opening(s) are now available at www.musicteachersnetwork.com Trombone teacher needed for one child students in Philadelphia, PA **STUDENT ADDITIONAL COMMENTS: Looking for a private music teacher to provide lessons to my son who is in HS. ABOUT MTN: The Music Teachers Network is the nation’s premiere private music lessons company. Since 1997 MTN has connected thousands of families in the U.S. with talented music teachers for private piano, voice, guitar and instrumental lessons. MTN provides the ultimate teaching and business solution tools for private music instructors who seek to build and maintain healthy student rosters. To join our team or to find out more information please go to www.musicteachersnetwork.com Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear ‘Bone-ers, I’m a natural blower! I started playing the flute in grade school, and then in high school dudes told me I had the perfect lips for blowing, so playing woodwinds comes naturally. And I know a trombone isn’t a flute, but I’m really good with that slide thingie. And I've given plenty of raspberries on bellies, so I know that technique when playing instruments. Plus, I'm best in a one-on-one setting. So this job is perfect for me. Let’s Get ‘Boned! Suzi I’m seaman friendly!  Able Bodied Seaman – (A.B.) ConocoPhillips – Texas Who We Are We are one of the world’s largest independent exploration and production companies, based on proved reserves and production of liquids and natural gas. With operations in 17 countries, we explore for, develop and produce crude oil and natural gas globally. We are challenged with an important job to safely find and deliver energy to the world. Our employees are critical to our success, and with them we power civilization. We’re grounded by our SPIRIT Values – safety, people, integrity, responsibility, innovation and teamwork. These values position us to deliver strong performance in a dynamic business – but not at all costs. We believe it’s not just what we do – it’s how we do it – that sets us apart. We strive to make a significant difference in the communities where we live and operate. We create an inclusive environment that values all voices and opinions. Together, the different backgrounds, experiences, ideas and perspectives of our employees drive our success. Your responsibilities may include: Docking/undocking procedures (handling lines, securing ship, etc.) and assisting with taking and discharging of cargo Standing watch, either as lookout or on the bridge steering the vessel Performing deck related maintenance duties under supervision of the Boatswain Working aloft in certain situations Working two 4 hour watches per 24-hour period with overtime occurring routinely. The A.B. can work no more than 15 hours per day, and cannot work more than 36 hours in any 72-hour period. Qualifications Basic/Required: Must be legally authorized to work in the United States as a U.S. citizen or national, or an alien admitted as permanent resident, refugee or asylee Passport Willingness and ability to: To be away from home for periods in excess of two months Push/pull up to 200 pounds Lift/carry up to 100 pounds floor to shoulder Lift up to 50 pounds floor to overhead Climb stairs/ladders Stand for long periods of time Suzi’s Cover Letter: Ahoy! I’m a very open girl and I’m open about seaman. I mean, it’s crucial to making life! I was a wiz in health class. I am a little confused with what seaman has to do with decks, unless it’s, like, a polisher or something. My first encounter with seaman was in Bobby Johnson’s car. He asked if I could but all hands on deck, so I did, and then… And… I can lift heavy men. There was this one dude in college that like being body slammed by girls. Weird. But kinda fun! One time I dressed like a hot sailor for Halloween and won! Let’s Shove Off Together, Suzi I am so good with people!  Guest RelationsSilverspot Cinemas – Miami, FL GENERAL SUMMARY Guest Relations incumbent must be the Ambassador of the Cinema. Greet every Customer with a smile and be professional when assisting them with any and all services. Assist Customers with printing out tickets and refunding tickets when necessary. Greet all Customers upon arrival to theater. Assist guests by answering phones and returning e-mails in a timely & professional manner. Assist all departments in being receptive to the needs of Customers. Assist Customers with all pertinent information as required. Provide feedback from customers to Managers for action and / or attention. ESSENTIAL DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES Check daily emails on outlook for Customer inquiries, current updates, changes, etc... Take out the tickets that are to be picked up that day and place them to the right of the right monitor for convenience and fast pick up. Check to see if there are any voices messages and respond back immediately. Check the paper level on the kiosk to have an idea of which ones to keep an eye on and when to change. Check the LCD's for errors, if any, report them to a manager. Prepare outside seating for the day. Keep kiosks clean and in proper working order as well as surrounding area. Restock business cards, envelopes, gift cards and ticket printer paper at the hostess stand when needed. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Spot-On ers.. I’m so good at guest relations. That’s why I’m popular as a phone actress! I’m very attentive to needs and wants and desires. A happy customer is a happy day for everyone involved! Plus, as a kid, I wanted to be a stewardess. To me they are the ultimate service agents. I mean, they know stuff. Look cute in their uniforms. Get to date pilots. And people love them. I want people to fly our friendly theater. Get it? Can’t wait to chat with you. Can I be of service to you? Can I punch your ticket? See. I’m good. Silver Stars for Silverspot, Suzi |
AuthorI'm just your average girl who wants a kick-ass life and... love! If I could be a superhero, that would be AWESOME! I'm currently a "phone actress" looking for a really cool career. Don't get me wrong-- I love giving a hand to dudes who need someone to chat with. Everybody needs somebody! But, my parents keep telling me I need a respectable job. Sigh. Archives
August 2022
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