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​Suzi sPEAKS

Just an average girl looking for her dream gig. Hit me up at: [email protected]

    JOIN THE FUNFORMATION MOVEMENT! 

    ​And don't worry. We won't spam you or sell your info. We don't have that kind of time... or motivation. 
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Garfield-1-Suzi-Suzi

7/12/2022

 
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This week's job app​:

THE JOB:

Phone Actor

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THE LETTER:

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THE RESPONSE:

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Chi-nay

1/25/2022

 
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This week's job app​:

THE JOB:

China Fellowship Role

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THE LETTER:

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THE RESPONSE:

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Secretary Side Piece

7/20/2021

 

Lemme grab a pad and pen!

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THE LETTER:

Dear Right-Hand People,
​
I can be so good at this, because I was class secretary in high school, and I look really good in glasses. Plus, I can rock a suit! I want to work close with the boss because you’ll learn everything, and I want a quality husband. Everybody knows the boss and the secretary hook up!

My auntie was a secretary and she married the boss. Now she’s all fat and livin’ large (3 XL), fanning herself with all kinds of cash. #goals
​
Transcribin’ & Vibin’,
Suzi

THE JOB:

​Executive Assistant

Twilio – California
Remote

Twilio is growing rapidly and seeking a forward-thinking and motivated Administrative Assistant to support key business executives on our Sales Team. If you are looking for an opportunity to demonstrate your organizational and strategic acumen while growing your administrative skills, you should look closely at this opportunity.

Who?
Twilio is looking for an Executive Assistant who lives the Twilio Magic and has a demonstrated track record of providing proactive calendar support, juggling multiple deliverables with competing deadlines, and taking effective action without knowing the full picture. They also have:

5+ years of administrative support experience where you've been responsible for scheduling and coordinating logistics for meetings, conferences, and special events (onsite & offsite), including ongoing department meetings and events.

Interest and ability to learn about Twilio's business and customers.
Ability to make good decisions in a fast-paced environment with changing priorities.

High level of integrity and discretion in handling confidential information.
Ability to balance the needs of multiple senior leaders and longer-term projects.

High attention to detail and consistent follow-up.

Flexibility to be available beyond normal office hours and support remote work and travel schedules.

Proficiency with Mac and the Google suite of business programs, especially Google calendar, mail, drive, docs, and sheets.

What?
As an Executive Assistant, you will execute on a variety of deliverables that may be short- or long-term and could land anywhere on the spectrum between tactical and strategic.

You will live the Twilio Magic values:
DRAW THE OWL: Manage domestic and international travel and process expense reports on behalf of your executives; organize and assist with special events, team activities, and successful meetings through research, participant coordination, material preparation, and logistics management.

BE AN OWNER: Supervise and help assist with the completion of key deliverables and follow up on outstanding items.

BE BOLD: Partner with your execs to understand their priorities and be a valuable liaison for them to ensure all needs are being met.

EMPOWER OTHERS: Act as a liaison for your executives' direct reports, building strong relationships across the organization to progress your executives' priorities and to help your executives maintain a realistic pulse on their teams' morale.

RUTHLESSLY PRIORITIZE: Manage multiple sophisticated calendars; understand executives' priorities in order to effectively address meeting requests.

Why?
You will be supporting key Twilio executives, advancing our charter, and having a positive impact on the working lives of our team members. We are a dynamic, collaborative team and this role is valued as a cornerstone to our success and growth. You will also be joining a diverse and supportive administrative community composed of top-notch administrative business partners of all levels, providing a unique opportunity to develop your administrative skills and experience and to help others to do the same.

Twilio is a company that is empowering the world's developers with modern communication in order to build better applications. Twilio is truly unique; we are a company committed to your growth, your learning, your development, and your entire employee experience. We only win when our employees succeed, and we're dedicated to helping you develop your strengths. We have a cultural foundation built on diversity, inclusion, and innovation, and we want you and your ideas to thrive at Twilio.

Where?
We employ diverse talent from all over the world, and we believe great work can be done anywhere. Around the world, Twilio offers benefits and perks to support the physical, financial, and emotional well-being of you and your loved ones. No matter where you are based, you will experience a company that believes in small teams for maximum impact; seeks well-rounded talent to ensure a full perspective on our customers' experience, understands that this is a marathon, not a sprint; that continuously and purposefully builds an inclusive culture that empowers everyone to do their best work and be the best version of themselves.
​

Babewatch

6/1/2021

 
I can bring the glam to the water!
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THE LETTER:

Dear Buoys and Boarders,
​
Do you know that I’ve always had a fantasy of being a ranger type? Like, put on a uniform and patrol the parks or the water, or the woods. Cuz, stuff can happen there! But I hope not a lot of bad stuff because I don’t want to have to use a gun. I just want to look cute and be all-authority and stuff. Which I can do in a nice way. Because I’m nice. And I want to wear a badge. 
Plus, my uncle was a police officer. But he got in trouble when he asked a 16-year-old how she got her Mardi Gras beads, and then he told her how it’s done and her mom was really mad. So now he works security at Walmart.

Every Day I’m Rangering,
Suzi

THE JOB:

​Parks/Waterfront Ranger

City of Eureka, CA
Salary: $55,920 - $67,968 a year
Job Type: Full-time
Full Job Description

Description Summary:
This is a sworn position with the Eureka Police Department. A P.O.S.T. certification is required.
Successful candidates may be hired at any step in the salary range, depending on experience. Applicants who hold POST Professional Certifications will be eligible for certification pay as follows:
POST Intermediate: 7% of Basic Salary
POST Advanced: 14% of Basic Salary

DEFINITION
Under general supervision, performs a wide variety of professional law enforcement duties in the City's recreational open space areas including the waterfront, harbor, trails and community parks. Such duties involve the prevention of crime, the protection of life and property, and the enforcement of Federal, State and local laws and ordinances; makes investigations, assists in the preparation of cases and testifies in court; provides information and assistance to the public; performs a variety of special duty assignments, as required; and performs related duties as assigned..

SUPERVISION RECEIVED AND EXERCISED
Receives general supervision from assigned supervisory or management personnel. No supervision of staff is exercised.
​
CLASS CHARACTERISTICS
This sworn, working-level law enforcement class performs all non-supervisory assignments found in a municipal police department. Incumbents are assigned to the City's parks, trails, harbor, and waterfront areas for patrol and to all functional areas of the law enforcement field, including investigation, youth services, administration, and training are included. Based upon needs of the assignment, duties are carried out on foot, bicycle, from vehicles and/or aboard watercraft. This class is distinguished from Police Officer in that the latter is assigned varied law enforcement responsibilities throughout the entire city while the former's duties are primarily constrained to proactive, high visibility patrol within the city's parks and waterfront areas.

MC Sucketharda!

4/20/2021

 
Entertaining is in my blood like soy sauce!
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​Mobile DJ

Part-time: $16-$40/hour

Full Job Description:
Love music and people? Then this may be your dream job!
Michigan top-rated mobile DJ & MC entertainment service is looking for someone to infuse high energy and excitement into each and every event. Get paid to work and have fun at the same time! Learn more about our company here: www.stealthdjs.com

Who we're looking for:
Must be located in southeastern Michigan, preferably west of I-275. Reliable transportation is required. Must be available on all or most weekends. Excellent communication skills are a must. You must be a very reliable, energetic and outgoing person with a great personality. Preferred but not required: Vast music knowledge, dance skills, experience in public speaking and/or the ability to lift at least 40 pounds.

What you'll be doing:
The job of an MC / Crowd Motivator / DJ Assistant is to perform the duties of MC (master of ceremonies) for bar/bat mitzvahs, weddings, parties and school dances. You will be talking on a microphone in front of a crowd, provide high energy enthusiasm while motivating and encouraging people to dance, take requests, lead group/specialty dances, coordinate details with clients and other event vendors, host games, set up/take down equipment, load/unload equipment, take photos of guests and help the DJ with any other tasks. If you meet all of these requirements, you just may become a member of Stealth DJ's. Get paid to work and have fun at the same time!

Training will be provided. After training, pay starts at 20% of total event contract price, which is equivalent to $16-$40 per hour.

Your work schedule will vary greatly throughout the year. It will be depend on demand.
​
This emcee job is ideal for anyone interested in fine arts, communications, media arts, broadcasting, television, radio, entertainment, music, dance, theatre or any other public speaking occupation. Also great for an up and coming entertainer, dance instructor, radio dj, radio disc jockey or radio personality.

Suzi's Cover Letter:

Dear Party Animals,

If I had been alive in the 70s, I would’ve totally been a disco whore—let’s party! I mean, I know how to have a good time, and that means others will have a good time. That’s why I’m always invited to parties, because I am the life of the party. In fact, people invite me to boring stuff like funerals because I always find a way to bring the fun—even in death. Some old dudes have even said I bring their old wood to life. Isn’t that so sweet?

I’m a natural emcee. I used to have a show on my high school radio station. I called my show Asian Invasion. It was popular.

Let’s Get This Party Started,
Suzi

P.S. Did I mention that I want my rap name to be Wonton Wrappa? Get it? Cuz I’m Asian…
​


Master of Her Domain

4/13/2021

 
I have a very creative mind!
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​Escape Game Attendant

Inland Empire Escape Rooms - Riverside, CA
Part-Time: $13-$15/hour

Full Job Description:
Inland Empire Escape Rooms in Riverside is Hiring!

At our Game Center Guests schedule their 60 minute game to get locked into our themed rooms. Players must solve puzzles and find clues and manipulate objects if they have any hopes of escape before time runs out. Visit us on YELP to get an idea of what we expect for customer service. We are hiring for the Game Master position.

Key responsibilities include:
Greet our guests

Present tips for success and rules

Give the "backstory" to the unique scenario they will be playing

Monitor the in-room cameras to track players’ progress

Provide "in character" interaction with the players

Debrief the players following the game

Reset the room for our next group

Also expect to do light cleaning, phone answering, and other tasks needed to provide our guests with an exceedingly great experience.

Customer service is super important, as our business relies on word-of-mouth and getting great reviews across social media channels.

Our GMs must have:
A friendly warm personality

Ability to get in character based upon scenario to run games

The ability to work on their own and use their initiative

As well as the ability to harmoniously work with others

Confident technical skills to perform simple repairs, replace bulbs and fuses etc.
​
Confident voice, able to command attention and speak clearly

​Suzi’s Cover Letter:

Dear Role Players,
​
This job so speaks to me. Seriously. I’m an actress already. And role playing is totally what I’m all about. I can make any client feel like they’re the sexiest, hottest dude in the world. And they think they’re spending some chat time with the sexiest, hottest chick in the world (I am hot)—even when I’m wearing my period panties and shoving ice cream in my face.

My point is, I’ve got a fertile mind. I can come up with stories so quickly. Another of my fantasy jobs is tabloid reporter, cuz all that stuff is fakey fake. And in school, I always got good grades for my creative writing. My one teacher said I was detached from reality, and I’m all like: “Yeah. Right? Cool.”

Masked and Whipped,
Suzi
​


Get Pricked

4/6/2021

 
I’m good with charts and stuff.
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​Vaccine Scheduling WFH Gig

Live Reps Call Center/Remote

Full Job Description
Live Reps Call Center is hiring for a vaccine scheduling project.

Do you qualify for the Rapid Response Team?
All shifts, 7 days a week, short or long term available… your choice. You must commit to completing all shifts you request.

Must have a strong internet connection.

Must have a quality PC i3 CPU or Better with 4GB OF RAM minimum and good computer system knowledge. No tablets, Mac’s, etc… must be a PC.

You will need to pass a Standard Criminal Background check

Knowledge of Microsoft Office and Excel a plus.

Voice Over IP dialer experience helpful, but training is available.

Must have a place to work in your home without disruptions or background noise.

Job Types: Contracted Project - 9 months with 2, 6 month extensions possible
​
Payment Rate: $10 to $12 per hour

​Suzi’s Cover Letter:

Dear Flow Charters,

​I am totally 100% behind this. I know some people are all scared of getting vaccinated, but if you’ve had a couple of one night stands, you’ve been pricked with worse! Let’s get pricked!
​Since I’m Asian, I’m really good at organizing stuff. And these skills have been really helpful in my current not-real career of phone actress. I have a schedule of when each client needs my attention, what they like and don’t like, and any other notes. It’s important to be on top of things (that’s what he said), so I know I’ll be a natural fit for this job.

Stickin’ and Winnin’,

Suzi

Guiding Light

3/16/2021

 

I love to show and tell!
​

​Personalities/Characters/Tour Guides

Massage Chair Bus Tours, LLC - Dallas, TX
Job Type: PT
$17-$20/hour plus tips

If you have charm, charisma, energy, a good driving record and enjoy people loving you for taking them on a tour of the city in a high-end massage chair, then apply for this job!

If you do not have any stage, acting, singing, entertaining performance, please do not apply for this job. Your job is to entertain 6 people on a tour with your performance background.

Pay: $34 a tour - (1.5 - 2 hrs)

TIPS!!!! TIPS!!! TIPS!!!! TIPS!!!! TIPS!!!!

Being a tour guide means building a relationship with your guests and taking them on a journey...when you do this in the right way… the tips can be amazing!!!

Most of the facts given during the tour are from a voice recorded tablet so there is very little memorizing of a script involved.

You need to be comfortable driving a 6 passenger, 22' long, E-450 Shuttle Bus.
We offer two types of tours and we will be needing three drivers to cover various shifts.

You will be wearing a purple tailed tuxedo.
​
IT IS HIGHLY IMPORTANT YOU SEND YOUR RESUME WITH A NICE COVER LETTER (A FEW SENTENCES) AS TO WHY YOU WOULD BE A GOOD FIT FOR THIS JOB. WE CALL PEOPLE WHO SEND COVER LETTERS ABOVE OTHERS AS THEY WANT THE JOB MORE.

​Suzi’s Cover Letter:

Dear Journeymen,

My grams used to go on bus tours all the time for some old lady fun. Sometimes, she’d take me. So. Much. Fun. All the old men would give me candy and money. Maybe that’s why I have a special place in my heart for my clients that are older. Anywho, my favorite thing to do is to make people feel welcome. I was voted Most Likely to Be an Escort in high school because I love to show people around. But I don’t know why that didn’t make the yearbook…

Plus, Journey is my favorite band! Don’t Stop Believing that I’m the right person for the job. Don’t let us go our Separate Ways without interviewing me, first. I will welcome the opportunity with Open Arms. Don’t let the Lights go down without hiring the best—me!
​


Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin’,
Suzi
​


Suzi B. Anthony

3/9/2021

 

I can see myself on stage, and not in a stripper way.
​

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​Historical Performer

Plimoth Patuxet – Plymouth, MA
Job Type: Full-time

Full-time and part-time positions available in this new position for our new Museum Theatre program. Historical Performers portray 17th-century people in timed, scripted or semi-scripted, immersive productions that will be performed multiple times a day. Aspects of this production will include but are not limited to scripted scenarios, plays, hands-on activities, and storytelling. The Historical Performer must have a talent for as well as experience in performance and improvisation while being comfortable interacting with a diverse audience of all ages.

The Historical Performer must be able to take cues from a director, memorize lines and blocking, and improve their performance based on feedback. They also must learn and retain a foundational amount of 17th-century historical information.

The production will be built upon historical research and a foundational script. There will be situations where the Historical Performer must improvise with audience members. Some of the blocking and script will be devised through the rehearsal process.

Participate in additional acting performances/shows including but not limited to 1 person shows, scripted dining experiences and online performances for schools and other groups.

Maintain proper use and care of props, costumes and scenic design.
Wear and use voice amplification devices.

Provide a friendly and welcoming presence for all guests and coworkers throughout the Museum.

Adhere to the policies of Plimoth Patuxet Museums as outlined in the Museum Employee manual and current job description.

Other duties as assigned
This outline description focuses on the primary duties of the position. It is not designed nor intended to include all duties and responsibilities inherent in satisfactory performance of the position. Management reserves the right to revise this job description from time to time as needed.

Fluent in English.

Have a firm understanding of immersive theatre, improvisation, and the theatrical process

Able to deliver an engaging, consistent performance multiple times a day

Able to perform in an outdoor environment for an extended period of time

Able to read and memorize lines, take stage directions, and improve performance based on feedback from director

Able to problem-solve while interacting with guests during performance

Able to learn and complete 17th-century demonstrations and activities

Able to learn and perform a 17th-century dialect

Able to learn and perform period music and dances.

Flexible, resilient and growth mindset

Have an engaging and creative personality with excellent interpersonal skills.

A positive, can-do attitude and sense of humor is essential

Reliability, dependability and punctuality

Fluency in English, strong verbal skills, and ability to communicate clearly and engagingly with guests and colleagues.

Ability to work independently, without direct supervision.

Must be able to read and understand a variety of historical and educational sources.

​Suzi’s Cover Letter:

Dear Historical Hotties,
​
The stage has always been my calling. I was the lead in a Christmas play when I was 8-years-old. I played Mary. It was an advent guard production. I mean, it wasn’t supposed to be that way, but I guess people got all upset when I kissed Joseph. How else is a baby supposed to show up? I had to show love, right?
From there, I was in a high school musical. Which was my last because I don’t think musicals are for me. I’m more of a pure drama type. And I did really well in history class. Like, Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1792. And that Game of Thrones happened after the Civil War. And Lord of the Rings was the time of the disciples. Cool stuff.

Where’s My Spotlight,
Suzi
​


Fifty Shades of Suzi

2/23/2021

 
Let me grab my whip!
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​Role Players

Oak Grove Technologies
Fort Jackson, SC

Overview:
Where creative minds gather…. Average need not apply….

Oak Grove is anything but your typical government contractor. We pride ourselves on our outside-the-box approach to solving customer challenges. We are seeking ‘A Team’ players to continue writing our success story.

We are a smaller mid-size company that is growing, profitable, forward thinking and always ready to tackle the next challenging situation our clients face. We have repeat customers because they trust us. Who are they? Sometimes the Government, sometimes the Military, sometimes the commercial world but ALWAYS happy and satisfied.

We're focused on providing the best end-to-end training solutions available—and we need the best the industry has to offer. Why? Oak Grove’s readiness training has a stellar international reputation for excellence, we team with top universities to advance cultural development programs, and our award-winning eLearning solutions and training programs outshine the competition.
Your work will be challenging and your performance will be recognized and rewarded. Our entrepreneurial-minded team thrives in a fast-paced, fun environment where there are always opportunities to learn something new.
We attribute 10+ years of success to the quality of our amazing team, our energetic leadership, and our commitment to excellence and customer happiness.

We are proud to be a leading Service-Disabled Veteran-Owned Small Business becoming a mid-size company. We are headquartered in Raleigh, NC as well as an office in the National Capital Region.

Responsibilities:
Oak Grove Technologies is looking to hire Role Players in Fort Jackson, SC. A Role Player must ‘live’ the part and freely adapt the character in response to how the student reacts to a situation. It is impromptu acting ‘in role’ as the training situations develop.

Shall observe student activities and provide oral and written feedback

Shall attend a briefing prior to the execution of each training event, and an after action review at the conclusion of each training event, and daily in/out briefings.

Act out assigned roles as enemy persons or civilian non-combatants in accordance with assigned scenarios.
​
At times, role players may be required to perform numerous roles or other roles in support of the exercise depending on exercise requirements (i.e. a role player may be required to play an enemy combatant as well as the role of a civilian on the battlefield [COB]); simulate combat activity by exhibiting behaviors appropriate to the role and by firing blank ammunition; or perform rudimentary light infantry tactics.

​Suzi’s Cover Letter:

​Dear Thespians,

I was meant to do this. For realz. So many reasons! First of all, politicians have been my best phone clients. That one County Councilman sure loves butt stuff! He called me a lot!

I saw that you need members for your A Team, which is perfect, because I was in a Cinemax-type after-hours movie called “The Ahhh Team.” I know what it takes to be on top!
​
And the role playing is what my phone job is all about. Stepping into a part to make the client happy. Isn’t that what it’s all about?
Star of Phone and Bone,
Suzi


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    I'm just your average girl who wants a kick-ass life and... love! If I could be a superhero, that would be AWESOME! I'm currently a "phone actress" looking for a really cool career. Don't get me wrong-- I love giving a hand to dudes who need someone to chat with. Everybody needs somebody! But, my parents keep telling me I need a respectable job.  Sigh.

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