the crack files:
Suzi sPEAKS
Just an average girl looking for her dream gig. Hit me up at: [email protected]
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Call me Yogi!  Park RangerThe State of Florida – White Springs Salary: $2,166.67 Month; $26,000.04 Year This is moderately independent work providing Visitor Services, Resource Management, Maintenance, Administration and Protection of Stephen Foster Folk Culture Center State Park. VISITOR SERVICES - Explains facilities and services provided for public use, enjoyment and education; meets visitors, answers questions, provides information and directions. Attempts to resolve visitor complaints while maintaining good public relations. Provides natural and cultural history interpretive programs, assists with set up and break down of all park special events and provides unit specific services as directed. RESOURCE MANAGEMENT - Recognizes biological communities and the natural processes required for their maintenance. Observes, maintains and protects the natural, cultural, historic and archaeological resources of the park. Participates in prescribed burning related activities. Implements vegetation and wildlife management plans, maintains optimum species control via natural and chemical means. Implements site restoration projects such as reforestation and erosion control. Implements water resources management plans. Collects and records resource management data. Collects and records resource management data. MAINTENANCE - Maintains park structures, facilities, equipment and grounds through routine, preventive, and corrective maintenance practices. Conducts routine inspections to ensure proper maintenance standards are met. Maintains cleanliness of grounds and facilities. ADMINISTRATION - Prepares forms and reports on a wide range of subjects including visitation, vehicle usage, purchase requests and accidents. Answers telephone operates park radio, computer and various office equipment; conducts purchasing and fiscal activities in compliance with established procedures. Collects fees, performs cash register transactions and reconciles receipts. Orders, sells and inventories resale merchandise. Answers correspondence and maintains park files. PROTECTION - Performs routine patrols and security checks; takes appropriate action to ensure visitor safety and adherence to park rules; ensures adherence to the Park Protection Plan. Opens and/or secures park facilities as appropriate. Interprets and enforces park rules pertaining to all natural and cultural resources and facilities and use thereof for the safety and enjoyment of the visitor. Responsible for security of cash fund. Performs other related duties as required. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Pic-ih-nic Basket People, I have loved the great outdoors thanks to Yogi Bear. I mean, seriously. How cute. And fun. Now, I think we could use a little freshening up of the uniforms, because khaki is just so boring, but if we have to keep those colors, I suggest we wear some Skechers in hot pink or something. Cute and useful, right? I’m really great at giving tours. Many of my phone clients have translated into other opportunities where they have big parties at their homes and they want the ladies there to entertain, and so I always show the girls around the homes and make it sound so awesome. And, I’ll be great with security. I have a pink taser, and I’m a fan of the movie “Broken Arrow”. And wasn’t what’s-her-face a park ranger? Yeah. I practiced her moves and stuff. So… It’s The Climb, Suzi P.S. I really hate bugs, so can I limit my time outdoors? I’m the expert on all things brunch! Quiche Interpreter Linguistica International – Tuscaloosa, AL Remote/Contract Full Job Description At Linguistica International, we meet any type of language service needs, including telephone-based interpretation, on-site interpretation, and written translation. Our services are available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year and our qualified professional interpreters cover over 350 languages and dialects. Responsibilities: Receive client-calls and answer in a professional manner Render correct concepts and meanings between requested language and English, upholding correct rules of grammar, clarity, and tone, from one language into another Provide clear and accurate renditions with no additions or omissions Employ good customer service and clear enunciation, pronunciation, pleasant and professional voice as well as polite forms of expression Remain calm during emergency calls Ensure access to the Internet for work-related to electronic communication Follows client’s instructions, manage the flow of the call and avoid taking over the call, as well as avoids having side conversations with the limited English speaker Qualifications: Native, or near-native, fluency in requested language and English Ability to explain cultural concepts to avoid miscommunication, and to act as a cultural broker Ability to concentrate, stay detached from the conversation and remain neutral and objective at all times while following the client’s instructions closely Excellent listening, retention and note-taking skills to maintain a high level of accuracy Knowledge of industry-specific terminology; on-going study of glossaries and training materials including scripts provided by our clients Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Quichers, My pops said there was this belief once that “real men don’t eat quiche”. Like, why? Quiche is so yummy. In fact, I’ve made it my mission since childhood to make delicious quiches and get my pops to eat them – which he did—and he LOVES THEM. And he’s a real man. So, winning! My favorite quiche is this sausage hashbrown quiche that I like to serve with biscuits. I make an awesome green chile quiche that I serve with hot sausage and salsa. I love mini, crust-less quiches. I am a pro! So, I can identify any quiche you need me to. Eggs in a Pie Crust, Suzi OMG! Christmas is the bestest holiday ever! Digital Santa ClausSanta Calls – Phoenix, AZ Contract/$75 an hour Full Job Description This year Christmas will be different, and the magic of the Santa and North Pole is making its debut over the internet. With malls closed around the nation, Santa's (work) home is in quarantine. It's a good thing Santa's nifty elves hammered away on the mobile application, Santa Calls. By using Facetime, and Zoom technology children all over the nation will still be able to talk to a real, live Santa Claus. Join our team and help us make children smile and feel the magic of Christmas. We are dedicated to giving every child an opportunity to believe this Christmas. Requirements: Pass Background Check Good communication skills Positive attitude, warm smile, welcoming voice Must enjoy interacting with children and families Real Beard, Excellent personal hygiene Ability to sit for long periods of time Full Santa outfit By contracting with the Santa Calls team you will be paid on a per-call basis working only part-time. You will represent the company as Santa from the North Pole. Your duties will be to manage a call queue list and make Facetime, or Zoom calls to families and children for 2-minutes. During the call, you will be required to gather key information from the child, such as name and what they want for Christmas. It is important to make this experience magical for the child. Not all children are very talkative, you must be able to adapt to adversity. Have readily available books, jingles, or stories to tell. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear North Polers, Christmas is my favoritest holiday! Like, I want to have Christmas stuff all year, but I don’t feel like being shamed about it, so… I always wanted to be Santa Claus, because Santa brings so much joy into the world! And, I think anyone can be Santa—even a chick—because it’s about your heart. It’s not about race or gender. And, I think Santa needs to recognize adults, too. I’ve dressed up as Santa many times for video chats with my male clients. They were very pleased with my fishnets and leather boots and red lingerie. Imagine how I could inspire others? So many North Poles, so little time… Spreading legs and love, Suzi I’m related to some Chins! Chin Interpreter Linguistica International – Kansas City, MO Full Job Description At Linguistica International, we meet any type of language service needs, including telephone-based interpretation, on-site interpretation, and written translation. Our services are available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year and our qualified professional interpreters cover over 350 languages and dialects. Responsibilities: Receive client-calls and answer in a professional manner Render correct concepts and meanings between requested language and English, upholding correct rules of grammar, clarity, and tone, from one language into another Provide clear and accurate renditions with no additions or omissions Employ good customer service and clear enunciation, pronunciation, pleasant and professional voice as well as polite forms of expression Remain calm during emergency calls Qualifications: Native, or near-native, fluency in requested language and English Ability to explain cultural concepts to avoid miscommunication, and to act as a cultural broker Ability to concentrate, stay detached from the conversation and remain neutral and objective at all times while following the client’s instructions closely Excellent listening, retention and note-taking skills to maintain a high level of accuracy Suzi’s Cover Letter:Dear Chintzies, I can speak chin. Chins are very important to the look of someone’s face. A double chin is cute on a baby, but let’s be honest. You’re kind of a fatty if you have two chins. I can help people define their chin with makeup and slim their double (or triple—thanks, COVID) chin. Scarves are good for that. Or some shading. I’m also good with Chinese Chins, because my mom was a Chin before she married my dad—a Wang. Though I’ve heard my mom has had some wangs on her chin before, but... I’m thinking that has nothing to do with this job. But if it does, I can take one or two on the chin, too. Chinny-chin-chins, Suzi Every day, I wake up with thanks and stuff! Gratitude Ambassador SendThanksNow -- Chicago, IL Remote Part-time, Contract, Commission/Pay: $10.00 - $25.00 per hour SendThanksNow is seeking Ambassadors to amplify our voice and help build a more grateful world. Since launching our beta platform, STN has been rapidly growing our community of users. We believe that everyone deserves thanks and we need your help to pay it forward. Gratitude Ambassadors will be responsible for promoting our brand. You may use your own personal creativity to spread gratitude in order to build the community. Ambassadors will also have access to the SendThanksNow Team and internally developed collateral. The STN platform utilizes Hearts (1 Heart = 1 cent) plus messages, pictures, and videos to send gratitude. Ambassadors will be given thousands of Hearts to give away as the main method of community recruitment. Every Heart has a story and Ambassadors will help share them. Learn more here: https://sendthanksnow.com/about Watch our explainer: https://youtu.be/v_6hrR3ENvo Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Tuders, OMG! I am always thankful and always telling people thankful and always talking about what I’m thankful for. So to make a living being thankful… GAH! I’m thankful for (Top 5 in no order): Thongs Puppies Makeup Queso Hot dogs And that whole one heart is one cent. It’s like selling candy bars at school! I love the thought of giving everyone a heart on! Full Hearts, Suzi We’re all beautiful! I want to bring it out! Beauty AdvisorOVERVIEW Experience a place of energy, passion, and excitement. A place where the joy of discovery and uncommon artistry blend to create exhilarating buying experiences—for true beauty enthusiasts. At Ulta Beauty, we’re transforming the world one shade, one lash, one cut at a time. Because beauty is powerful. If you seek greater purpose—a place of vision, mission, and lived values—where voices are heard, contributions valued and recognized and growth opportunities abound, consider Ulta Beauty. Nowhere else are the possibilities quite this beautiful. THE IMPACT YOU CAN HAVE: Welcome to an exciting future in the retail beauty industry! As a Beauty Advisor at Ulta Beauty, you will be the first point of contact for our guest Beauty Enthusiasts, setting and exceeding their expectations for the beauty journey they’re about to experience within your store. As the initial face of the Ulta Beauty brand, you will have the opportunity to put your passion for beauty on full display, while ensuring that everything in the store is clean, fully stocked and ready to “wow” guests and other associates. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Face Saviors, Ulta is like Heaven on Earth to me! I remember when one opened up near me—I cried. Tears of complete joy! Plus, I envision myself wearing that cool black smock with some booty-poppin’ jeans and smart, sassy heels. My hair in a classic French twist, and my makeup—of course—on point. I’m really good at doing makeup. All my friends asked me to be their beauty advisor, so It’s, like, natural that I do it and make money. Because paying me in wine is fun until the rent’s due, yo! This is some makeup I did for my friend Sara who had to go to court on some b.s. prostitution charge. She wanted a dramatic look, so... Beautiful Faces and Beautiful Queens, Suzi Math. I’ve got this. Duh! BookkeeperAccounting for Jewelers – Tennessee $15 - $20/hour, Full-time, Part-time Position Overview: Accounting for Jewelers, LLC is currently seeking a staff Bookkeeper to work with a roster of 18 - 20 clients. For this role, we’re looking for someone who has accounting experience, is tech-savvy, and servant-hearted. This is a part-time, work from home position. Hourly rate commensurate with experience. No benefits offered for part-time employees, but there is existing opportunity for the right candidate to go full time and take on more responsibilities not listed here. Part Time Probation and Training Period. Full Time Potential. Flexible Hours. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear (Word) Problem Solvers, If anything were more genetically meant to be, this is it. Hello! Asians and math are like oil and water! Like cats and dogs! Plus, I love jewelry. So counting carrots and stones are, like, perfect for me. I’m very good with jewels. I wear them. I fondle them to get some jewels. It’s all good. Plus, I helped one of my clients keep things off the books, so…I can do that for you, too. And, not only can I add stuff up, but I could model your jewelry too. I could wear gold paint and you could put the jewelry on me! Like two jobs from one person! Me! Bling and Bookkeeping, Suzi Let me rock, ya, Chaka Khan! Script writer / Voice over SHAKAWEAR – Los Angeles, CA Remote/Contract Looking for a gifted individual with script writing and voice over experience to write, edit storyboards, video scripts and other documentation for a streetwear company located in Los Angeles. Ideal candidates can tackle the process of discussing many facets of the apparel/streetwear industry by creating short videos and performing the voice over. You will work as part of a team of apparel experts and graphic designers to develop the training videos. Must have strong writing experience, sense of humor, a strong work ethic and a team player. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Rattlers, I am all about shaking and rattling. I’ve been a fidget my whole life, and I got some juice in the streets. Everybody knows Suzi S and what I’m about. Which is keepin’ it real on the DL. Fo shizzle. I’m known for my style and my can do attitude. And I talk good and stuff. I do have phone acting experience and my results are always A+. I know that being an influence is something I can do in my sleep, but since this is all active and stuff I won’t be sleeping on the job. Plus, I’m so pumped that Chaka Khan has her own shapewear. She’s booty-tastic and so cool! Shaka, Rattle and Wear, Suzi I love hair! Anywhere! Lady Jane’s Haircuts for Men Lady Jane’s Haircuts for Men – Birningham, MI What is Lady Jane's? We are an industry leader in the world of men's hair-cutting, and have been for the past 15 years! In that time, we have successfully opened more than 100 locations across the country, won countless men's styling awards, and provided incredible experiences for thousands of stylists and their clients! What are we looking for? We are looking for passionate, driven, team-players, who are looking to build a huge clientele and be an industry leader! We set stylists and barbers up for success by offering high level marketing, and growth potential within Lady Jane's corporate structure. Wicked Awesome Perks of LJ: -You Choose the Days You want to work -Clientele provided through aggressive marketing in TV, radio and print -Industry leading percentages make it easy to make great money -Creative, upbeat, fun environments -Express your individuality and run your own business -Endless advancement and relocation opportunities within Lady Jane's corporate structure Do you have what it takes to be a superstar? Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Coif-ers, I am a fan of hair. I was always styling my Barbie’s and all my friends. So, I know stuff about hair styling. I’m a natural! Speaking of natural, I think we ladies need to re-take the muff and re-grow that taco lettuce. I would love for us to be the pioneers in snatch styling and bring hair bag en vogue. I’ve been styling mine for a while, and I could offer all kinds of muff makeovers.  I think we should let our hair down, for realz! Afros Before Hoes, Suzi |
AuthorI'm just your average girl who wants a kick-ass life and... love! If I could be a superhero, that would be AWESOME! I'm currently a "phone actress" looking for a really cool career. Don't get me wrong-- I love giving a hand to dudes who need someone to chat with. Everybody needs somebody! But, my parents keep telling me I need a respectable job. Sigh. Archives
August 2022
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