the crack files:
Suzi sPEAKS
Just an average girl looking for her dream gig. Hit me up at: [email protected]
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I’m great at reacting!  React Developer SmashNet – United States Full-time/Part-time, $4,000 - $5,000/month Full Job Description React JS Developer React Developer (Video Games, Anime, eCommerce) Position is fully remote. Description: React Developer to work with and coordinate closely with CTO at a successful startup. You will be developing a React.js admin dashboard for a rapidly growing eCommerce platform that specializes in live autograph sales for actors, voice actors, and social media influencers. Backend: MySQL, Node.js, AWS, Stripe. Company has a laid-back culture and developers work on a very flexible schedule. Room for career growth as company grows. Qualifications: React.js, React Hooks, flexbox, strong material design skills, web sockets, works independently without a reliance on 3rd party packages, STRONG CSS SKILLS, extremely detail oriented, can create beautiful components without strict design specs. Perks: MySQL, Node.js, REST API, AWS, Stripe. Suzi’s Cover Letter:Dear Nerdos, I am a unique person. So when I saw you were looking for a reaction developer, well, hello—totally me! I’m the queen of reactions. To me, it’s like a mini-performance. Like, I could get an Oscar every day. I’ve even created some new reactions that are sure to catch on: Penisppointment: When a guy drops his pants and you realize he’s mis-measured… again. You smile real big with soft eyes that say: thank god for batteries, but we’ll have a little fun with this for a few minutes. Giftfailure: When you make a frowny face, but smile with your eyes because your gift has missed the mark. You’re grateful, but lacey thongs are just so cliché. Face On, Suzi Follow my lead! Conductor Bay Colony Railroad Corp – Boston, MA Salary/$25 an hour Job Type/Part-time Bay Colony Railroad Corp. is looking for a Part-Time Freight Conductor A conductor's primary responsibility is to safely coordinate train crews on a freight train, place rail cars to facilitate loading and unloading, and makeup/breakdown trains in a rail yard, customer facility or similar locations. Candidate selected for this part-time position will cover Millis and Watuppa, MA locations. Primary Activities and Responsibilities Ensure compliance with all train orders, signals, railroad and safety rules and Federal Railroad Administration (FRA) regulations Be able to safely perform all job responsibilities Inspect all equipment on cars prior to departures Receive and transmit information by radio and telephone Read and understand bulletins, work orders, and switch lists Assist with the coupling and uncoupling of cars, operate switches, and make minor repairs to railcars, including replacing heavy couplings or air brake hoses Work with customers to ensure accurate movement and placement of cars; delivers excellent customer service by identifying customer needs and meeting or exceeding expectations Maintain awareness of surrounding area and suspicious activity to ensure rail safety Operate locomotive equipment through the use of remote control device Quickly and repeatedly make precise adjustments in moving the controls of a machine or vehicle to exact positions Comprehend color and/or hand signals and systems Review instructions from dispatchers and other transportation employees, and discuss with locomotive engineer Minimum Qualifications High School Diploma/GED 2 years work experience or equivalent training Must have a valid driver’s license Must have less than 4 points on motor vehicle report Current FRA Conductor Certification Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Musical Marvels, I feel I have leadership abilities. And it would by my pleasure and an honor to lead your beautiful sounds! I played in the band in high school. I was *this* close to making the first row in flutes, but the other girls ahead of me apparently have good knee pads because… whatever. I always thought the conductor was the coolest. He gets to wear that cool tux. Like, I want to wear some badass gown with a tiara and have a wand that’s all sparkly and stuff. I can keep good time and I love music. Plus, I know how to jazz up a performance. My conducting will be so legendary. But I don’t know what an orchestra has to do with trains. Maybe concerts on the train? That would be cool. Follow My Stick, Suzi Twinkle, twinkle, I “thinkle” I can do this!  Astrology Writer Elite Daily Part-time Elite Daily is seeking a remote, part-time Astrology writer to join its Experiences vertical. Day-to-day responsibilities include pitching and writing monthly horoscopes and evergreen zodiac-related content. Examples of the types of articles you’d work on include the spiritual meaning of a solar eclipse, which signs will have the worst month, the best matches for Sagittarius, and how you should decorate your living space, according to your sign. Applicants should have an expert knowledge of all aspects of the zodiac, including a solid understanding of how to read individual birth charts. We’re looking for someone who is interested in what the stars can reveal about everything from the Schitt’s Creek character you are to who you are on Instagram. The ideal candidate is also creative, familiar with the Elite Daily voice, and possesses the ability to produce humorous, light-hearted, clean, and engaging content while meeting daily deadlines. The position is part-time, remote, takes place during normal business hours (EST), and reports to the Senior Experiences Editor. Responsibilities Be able to turn around 3 articles per day in a timely manner Pitch fresh angles related to astrology Remain flexible while meeting deadlines Requirements Availability to work remotely 4 days a week, Monday - Friday 2+ years of relevant blogging/writing experience Familiarity with SEO best practices Proficiency in writing in AP Style A deep understanding of astrology Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Stargazers, I literally feel like this is written in the stars for me. My people are all holistic and zen and deep-thinkers and stuff, so astrology is my thing. Plus, my great-grandmother was some kind of showman back in some village and could read everybody. I’m good at reading people, but like in a modern way. Anywho, I bought this book on astrology years ago so I could figure out which dudes would be compatible with me and which ones to stay away from. Here’s a sample reading thingie: "If you’re an Aries and you’ve been a hoe, you better get to the doctor and have your jayjay looked at. Because you’re a fire sign. And there may be a fire in your panties that doesn’t need to spread. Like you apparently spread your legs one too many times." Isn’t that great!?!? Milky Ways and Galaxy Quests, Suzi I’m really good with gestures! American Sign Language Interpreter (ASL) The Stepping Stones Group is currently interviewing American Sign Language Interpreters like YOU for the 2020-2021 School Year! Join us in our mission to positively impact the lives of children and give a voice to those who need it most. If you're new to the school-setting, we've got you covered with first-class clinical support and our Foundations Mentoring Program. How we support & invest in your career: Dedicated clinical manager Professional development stipend Bridge Academy Complimentary access to our CEU Library Live CEU events monthly Foundations Mentoring Program Online resources & tools Professional certification offerings Benefits made for you: Full time, part time, local contract and travel eligible positions - nationwide Student loan repayment plans Full health benefits Health & wellness spending stipend 401(k) and More! Job Requirements for American Sign Language Interpreters: EIPA Score with AL License Full Time; New Grads Accepted Suzi's Cover Letter:Dear Finger Fellows, I learned sign language as a kid, and I was good! I need a refresher course, but I can probs get that on YouTube. I love kids, plus I can wear the cutest jewelry to accent my hands while signing. Let’s kick this up a notch! Signed (get it!), Suzi I’m very patient. The things I’ve done.. Patient Sitter Huntsville Memorial Hospital – Huntsville, TX I. JOB SUMMARY Under the general supervision of a licensed nurse (RN, LVN, shift manager, House Supervisor), the Sitter provides observation and minimal ADL assistance with a constant focus on safety in the medical and suicidal patient population. Assists in the provision of a safe and clean environment. Promotes the therapeutic milieu and the efficiency of the nursing team. Provides assistance with activities of daily living based upon established competencies, unless the patient needs are such that adverse health consequences are predictable. II. QUALIFICATIONS A. Communication Skills: 1. Able to read, write and speak English. 2. Able to maintain calm demeanor and provide care with dignity and respect during stressful encounters B. Experience: One year experience in healthcare setting preferred.Medical Terminology preferred. C. Required Skills: 1. Under the general supervision of a licensed nurse (RN, LVN, shift manager), the Sitter provides observation and minimal ADL assistance as applicable to established competency with a constant focus on safety in the medical and suicidal patient population. 2. Mental concentration required. Requires excellent communication skills. 3. The employee in this position must be able to demonstrate the knowledge and skills necessary to provide a safe environment and therapeutic milieu based on the age of the patients served. Suzi's Cover Letter:Dear Chillaxers, I’m a very relaxed gal. And I used to be a babysitter, so… I have lots of experience. One time, a dude paid me $100 to sit for 30 minutes on slices of cheddar cheese that he was gonna use for a cookout. That’s a long time. I’m always up for a new challenge. I think your method of health care is awesome and cutting edge. I guess sitting on someone is calming and healing. Most people I set on get excited, so I hope I can be effective… Patients Is a Virtue, Suzi I’m a convincing person. Oh, the stories! Online Shopping Host/Social Media Personality- Social Media Content Creator Girl ExtraOrdinaire - Gardena, CA $40,000 - $250,000 a year Do you have a passion for Social Media, Women's fashion, Women Movements and causes, Wedding and Life Style? Do you have a passion to be in front of camera and build a long lasting community? Are you an ambitious and motivated individual, willing to work hard and long hours to do what you love and make a great income? If so please read below. Description: The primary function of this position is to be Live on social media, promoting and selling our products. Think QVC or HSN but you’re doing it on social media or other platforms. Our ideal candidate has a great personality, on-air presence, organizational skills and ability to work under pressure and tight deadlines. Social Media host/personality is responsible for hosting Live Sale program, promoting and showcasing our products, creating videos and photos in on-location, lifestyle settings. Additionally, Ideal candidate will conceptualize, strategize and create videos, photos, blogs and other social media contents. Candidate will create fresh and engaging content on a daily basis in addition to hosting and developing co-branding/co-marketing opportunity with other brands and personalities. Candidate is responsible in planning and executing all the photo and video shoots in coordination with marketing team and ownership. Suzi's Cover Letter:Dear Shopaholics! I love the camera and it loves me! I’ve done so much on-camera stuff, publicly and privately. I’m a pro! I love shopping, so… I’ll have a passion for all your products. One time a friend of mine had a product he called Sac Suds for man-balls. I did a video for the socials and—he sold out! It probably helped that I was wearing a thong bikini… Too bad he got busted for pot or he would’ve been a bajillionaire… All the Suds, Suzi Get ready for my Tony… or any Tony. Italian guys are hot! Actors and Singers Children’s Theatre Ants in the Pants Productions – Las Vegas Ants In The Pants Productions is looking for actors and singers to join our cast. We are looking for anyone who wants to be part of inspiring the next generation of artists! Ants in the Pants actors and musicians adapt student-written stories into sketches and songs, which are performed for the schools and later for the public. Ants in the Pants teaches workshops in schools, after school, and around the community. Our goals: -celebrate students and Champion their voices! -to teach fundamental creative writing skills -to provide consistent and nurturing attention to each student over a sustained period of time -to build each student’s confidence in self-expression, self-esteem, and writing skills -to perform high quality, professional theater to the students we serve and the broader community -to form lasting partnerships in the schools and in the community We need actors and singers to perform and help adapt stories for upcoming shoe at McCall Elementary. The fee is $50.00 total for a rehearsals and one show. You must be at all rehearsals and shows. Below are the dates and times. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Pants Performers: This job is all the things I love: singing and acting and helping kids. And pants. I have the perfect ass for pants! I did a kid’s thing once. It was fun. But some kids fell asleep, so… My gramps always said I had “ants in my pants” when I was younger. Until I was 17, I really thought I had ants in my pants. But that was the clap. That Johnny Eubanks was such a loser, but so hot. Anywho… Big Os and Standing Os, Suzi |
AuthorI'm just your average girl who wants a kick-ass life and... love! If I could be a superhero, that would be AWESOME! I'm currently a "phone actress" looking for a really cool career. Don't get me wrong-- I love giving a hand to dudes who need someone to chat with. Everybody needs somebody! But, my parents keep telling me I need a respectable job. Sigh. Archives
August 2022
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