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CRACK WISE MAG

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​Suzi sPEAKS

Just an average girl looking for her dream gig. Hit me up at: [email protected]

    JOIN THE FUNFORMATION MOVEMENT! 

    ​And don't worry. We won't spam you or sell your info. We don't have that kind of time... or motivation. 
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Amb-ass-ador

7/26/2022

 
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This week's job app​:

THE JOB:

Brand Champion

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THE LETTER:

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THE RESPONSE:​

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Butter Creamed

4/19/2022

 
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This week's job app​:

THE JOB:

Wedding Cake Baker

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THE LETTER:

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THE RESPONSE:

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The Safe Word

4/5/2022

 
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This week's job app​:

THE JOB:

BDM

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THE LETTER:

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THE RESPONSE:

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The Voice

3/22/2022

 
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This week's job app​:

THE JOB:

Demo Singer Needed

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THE LETTER:

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THE RESPONSE:

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... And Tuck

12/28/2021

 
I’m a complete snow bunny!
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THE LETTER:

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THE JOB:

​Lift Attendant

Aspen Skiing Company - Aspen, CO
Full-time

Full Job Description
Immediate Summer Start Dates Available

ASC operates the on-mountain restaurants and the four mountains in the Aspen Snowmass area - Snowmass, Aspen Mountain, Aspen Highlands and Buttermilk - as well as the Five Star, Five Diamond property The Little Nell, the Limelight Hotel properties which operate in Aspen, Ketchum Idaho and Snowmass. ASC also operates the rental & retail stores of Four Mountain Sports and the Award-winning Ski & Snowboard Schools of Aspen Snowmass.

The Lift Attendant is responsible for the safe and efficient operation of mountain lifts and the guests that use them. Lift Attendants spend their days helping guests, of all skill levels, load and unload from lifts, in an outdoor mountain environment.

Essential Job Functions
Provide a positive guest service experience while safely loading and unloading lifts

Maintain the safe and continuous operation of the lifts for extended periods of time

Maintain load and unload ramps in areas around lift stations in various weather conditions including shoveling and/or raking snow

Organize the maze to provide orderly and friendly access to the lift; help to manage guests for efficient loading

Scan and check tickets at specific locations

Perform daily pre-operation inspections and post-operation shutdown procedures at return stations

Remain alert and attentive at all times to assist guests and monitor lift operation

Maintain proper communication at all times, including updating lift logs, using lift telephones/radios and communicate with others when necessary about incidents and safety concerns

Other duties as assigned
​

Read the Room

12/21/2021

 
Reading is an art form.
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THE LETTER:

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THE JOB:

​Meter Reader

California Water Service - Belen, NM
$15.48 - $26.29 an hour/Full-time

Full Job Description
California Water Service Group invites you to pursue a career in the water industry with the third largest publicly traded water utility in the United States. Our mission is to be the leading provider of water and wastewater services. We’re committed to improving the quality of life for our customers, communities, stockholders, and employees. To achieve that, we align our hiring strategies with the company’s core values of integrity, service, value, health and safety, respect and collaboration, and corporate citizenship so that we can provide quality, service, and value to all of these groups.

Our commitment to our employees is evident, as we have been named a Top Workplace in the Bay Area for nine years in a row and designated as a Great Place to Work®, and Cal Water was ranked “Highest in Customer Satisfaction Among Water Utilities in the West” by J.D. Power in its inaugural water utility satisfaction study.

APPLY HERE: https://calwatergroup.wd5.myworkdayjobs.com/CWSG

SUMMARY:
The Meter Reader (MR) obtains water meter reads for all commercial and residential customers at a designated location based upon a route; assists with assigning new meters to routes and reroutes as necessary; assess meters for defects; reports tampering and potential cross connection situations; obtains reads for start/stop of service; disconnects service as necessary for delinquent customers. This position is located in Rio Communities, NM.

ESSENTIAL FUNCTIONS:
Reads customer meters accurately according to assigned schedules with the use of a hand-held electronic device, noting any and all questionable readings and concerns

Loads and unloads reading device, pulls reports. Sends reports to CSRs for review

Meter re-reads when necessary

Performs turn-off and turn-on procedures for non-payment and returned checks in connection with collection procedures, as needed

Collects monies and provides customers with receipts in the field

Communicates with customers on-site regarding questions about their meter readings or water consumption

Inspects water services and plumbing systems in the field as directed or if indicated by situation on-site. Report tampering with water meters, unmetered water services, potential cross connections, and other infractions of water usage directly to the Customer Service Manager

Installs, repairs and replaces meters, electronic radio transmitters, meter boxes, and lids

Keeps area around and in meter boxes clean and free of vegetation

Performs other duties as assigned
​

Doggy Style

12/14/2021

 
Pets are life!
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THE LETTER:

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THE JOB:

​In Home Doggy Boarding/In-Home Dog Sitter

Calling All Dogs & Cats - Saint Petersburg, FL
Part-time/Contract

Job description
A well-established Dog Walking & Pet Sitting company is looking for:
​
People who are willing to have dogs in their home for when our clients go on vacations or business trips (St Pete area). You get to choose which dogs you would like to have in your home. If you do own your own dog, they must be friendly with other dogs. Please DO NOT APPLY if you have more than one dog or small children

This is a perfect opportunity for someone that has a real passion for pets.

REQUIREMENTS
Must live in St Pete area

Have a flexible schedule & be OK with having dogs stay over in your home.

Have experience caring for dogs. Other animals are a plus

Have genuine love and affection for all animals

Provide a minimum of two (2) character references (not family)

Trustworthy, detail oriented, reliable, and able to work independently

Own a smartphone and enjoy taking pictures

Fenced in backyard preferred, but not required
​

Mariah Scary

11/2/2021

 
I have octival range like Mariah. Kind of…
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THE LETTER:

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THE JOB:

Rio and the Rockabilly Revival

Royal Oak, MI
$125 - $350 a day - Part-time, Contract

Full Job Description
We are holding auditions for a second female backing vocalist for the award-winning music ensemble, Rio and the Rockabilly Revival.

Duties include:
Being responsible for learning your vocal harmonies and choreography as necessary. We will provide reference audio including isolated recordings of your part, written charts, and making ourselves available to help with questions or resources as necessary.

Attending rehearsals, typically weekly. We can and do accommodate scheduling needs. Rehearsals would be more important as learning repertoire and choreography, and they may be less frequent as the band is more prepared.

Perform live, high energy, world class concerts at venues (large and small) and in studio with the band, including radio broadcasts and PR opportunities or appointments.

Traveling with the band for performing domestically and internationally (once COVID is less of an issue) for performances.

Share promo via personal social media as well as posts with the band’s official accounts.

Interested candidates will be provided audio, video and charts to prepare for the audition, which will likely be held in person but streaming video accommodations are possible.
 
This is a band. You’d be working as a contractor in our employ. Rates discussed above are related to flat rates for performances which are between 45-90 minutes on stage, and typically include load in, call times, sound check, etc. There will be additional opportunities for passive income streams that will be discussed if you are hired.

The music we perform is heavily influenced by early Rock and Roll/Rockabilly. This music is an amalgam of genres like Swing, Jump Blues, Rhythm and Blues, Jazz, Old Country, Blues, Gospel and more. The vocalists are required to be able to blend with front woman Rio and other vocalists. We find theater and small vocal ensemble/choir experience is extremely helpful, but we will review your audition more heavily than your credentials. Reading music isn’t necessary but is helpful.

We are a positive, empowering group of people that gladly celebrate your successes, and strive to have a professional, respectful, fun and supportive environment. When possible, we favor affirmative action and conduct rehearsals and performances in a healthy, drug free and rewarding manner.
We look forward to your audition.
​ 

Driven

10/26/2021

 
Suzi take the wheel!
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THE LETTER:

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THE JOB:

Motor Vehicle Representative

California Public Utilities Commission –Tulane County, CA
Full-time, Part-time: $18.55 - $26.89/hour

Job Description and Duties:
Want to get started in state service? Motor Vehicle Representative is an entry-level position to state service. The State of California offers its employees generous benefits that may include CalPERS retirement and retirement savings plans (401k and 457), health and dental insurance, and access to long-term disability and long-term care insurance. The Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) offers career opportunity and growth for customer service champions seeking to make a difference in state service. Serving as the first impression for government service takes a special individual – are you the one?

The DMV is responsible for licensing drivers, registering vehicles, securing identities, and regulating the motor vehicle industry. If you are looking for a rewarding career in public service and want to make an impact improving the safety and environment of California communities, the DMV invites you to apply for the Motor Vehicle Representative position.

We are looking for motivated and enthusiastic candidates who are experienced in delivering stellar face-to-face customer service with a positive, can-do attitude for a fast-paced public contact position. The duties of the position include: cashiering, data entry, the ability to provide verbal, written, and technical assistance pertaining to the licensing of drivers, issuance of identification cards, vehicle registration, and occupational licenses, in a courteous and efficient manner.

Dependability and punctuality are essential.

To be considered for this job vacancy, applicants must indicate the Job Control/Code (JC) number and position number(s) in the “EXAMINATION(S) OR JOB TITLE(S) FOR WHICH YOU ARE APPLYING” box of the Examination/Employment Application (STD. 678), and submit all items listed under Required Application Documents below by the Final Filing Date. Employment history information must be submitted on the Examination/Employment Application (STD. 678); attaching a resume shall not be sufficient for the purposes of providing employment history. Failure to indicate required information on the STD. 678 or submit all items by the Final Filing Date may result in elimination from the recruitment process.
​

Chuj-a-Lug

10/19/2021

 
I’m try lingual!
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THE LETTER:

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THE JOB:

​Chuj Translator

Ad Astra, Inc. – Silver Spring, MD

At Ad Astra, we don’t just think outside of the box … we speak, sign, and write there too. We help companies connect with consumers through linguistic support in over 250 spoken and signed languages. We are a woman-owned small business with a long history of providing unparalleled language services to clients throughout the nation and globe.

We are seeking talented professional individuals to work as Freelance Chuj Translators on an as-needed basis for our Medical, Business, Legal, and Governmental clients. As a Freelance Translator with our agency you can accept and deny assignments based on your schedule, set your own rates and terms, and work for other agencies.

This is a remote/virtual position. We are a worldwide community!

This job would be a great fit for you if you want to:
Continue to utilize your language skills

Refine your translation skills

Earn an extra income

Be a voice for your community!

This job requires you to be:
Fully fluent in English and Chuj

Have a Bachelor’s or Master’s degree or ATA or similar certification OR equivalent experience in the industry

At least 18 years old

Authorized to work in the US

Previous experience in translating documents in both directions

Must have strong organizational skills and attention to detail

Must have prior experience with Plunet, MemoQ, Smartcat, or similar software

If you are looking to continue building your professional experience in translation this Freelance role is for you!
​

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    I'm just your average girl who wants a kick-ass life and... love! If I could be a superhero, that would be AWESOME! I'm currently a "phone actress" looking for a really cool career. Don't get me wrong-- I love giving a hand to dudes who need someone to chat with. Everybody needs somebody! But, my parents keep telling me I need a respectable job.  Sigh.

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