the crack files:
Suzi sPEAKS
Just an average girl looking for her dream gig. Hit me up at: [email protected]
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I love the word liaison. It sounds fancy—like me.  Reservation & Guest Experience Agent THE GUILD Full-Time: From $15/hour Full Job Description: Our goal...to craft incredible experiences for people that love to explore while enjoying the comforts of home. The Guild offers the comfort and convenience of a high-end apartment with the personalized service of a boutique hotel. We believe traveling in comfort is more than someone making your bed while you’re out or delivering room service while you’re in. It’s feeling at ease. Relaxed. Your role: The Guest Experience Central Team is a high volume inbound contact center environment going above and beyond to provide Guild guests with a step-above world class experience. A successful agent must display both strong communication skills with computer literacy and exceptional guest service abilities to assist the guest beyond the transactional experience to a transformational guest experience. Our agents are empowered to own the guest relationship to maintain industry leading NPS of 80+. You will be responsible for (mostly) inbound contacts via text, phone, email, etc, and possess the ability to work through multiple systems to assist guests quickly, and with quality. What you’ll do: Handle inbound guest contacts across multiple channels and tools (phone, email, sms, chat), primarily responsible for making reservations and answering guest questions. Effectively communicate with guests to exceed their expectations with your guidance, knowledge, patience, and issue resolution Assist guests at each step of the customer journey to ensure a streamlined, positive experience resulting in promoters and repeat bookings Treat our guests as friends first to make every stay perfect and offer up your city knowledge at every opportunity (suggest authentic city favorites, foods, and hot spots) Identify and take action on/make suggestions for guests based on your research into their reservation or inquiries Suzi’s Cover Letter:Dear Secret Agents, This job is my heart: quality customer experiences! Like, I totally do that now. I mean, I don’t schedule cool vacays anywhere for people, but I do create a getaway, fantasy world for them. It will be nice to travel outside the mind for once. And who doesn’t love a vacation? I’m all about making sure the customer is happy from start to finish. I never leave my phone clients hanging. I want to know that I’ve fulfilled their desires and that there is always a happy ending? Isn’t that what it’s all about? The cherry on top? Plus, being a comfort woman is kinda in my blood. There was that thing in history where the Japanese made other Asian women sex workers for their men. But this is obvs more positive because I’m choosing to do it. Here to Please, Suzi I have a very creative mind! Escape Game Attendant Inland Empire Escape Rooms - Riverside, CA Part-Time: $13-$15/hour Full Job Description: Inland Empire Escape Rooms in Riverside is Hiring! At our Game Center Guests schedule their 60 minute game to get locked into our themed rooms. Players must solve puzzles and find clues and manipulate objects if they have any hopes of escape before time runs out. Visit us on YELP to get an idea of what we expect for customer service. We are hiring for the Game Master position. Key responsibilities include: Greet our guests Present tips for success and rules Give the "backstory" to the unique scenario they will be playing Monitor the in-room cameras to track players’ progress Provide "in character" interaction with the players Debrief the players following the game Reset the room for our next group Also expect to do light cleaning, phone answering, and other tasks needed to provide our guests with an exceedingly great experience. Customer service is super important, as our business relies on word-of-mouth and getting great reviews across social media channels. Our GMs must have: A friendly warm personality Ability to get in character based upon scenario to run games The ability to work on their own and use their initiative As well as the ability to harmoniously work with others Confident technical skills to perform simple repairs, replace bulbs and fuses etc. Confident voice, able to command attention and speak clearly Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Role Players, This job so speaks to me. Seriously. I’m an actress already. And role playing is totally what I’m all about. I can make any client feel like they’re the sexiest, hottest dude in the world. And they think they’re spending some chat time with the sexiest, hottest chick in the world (I am hot)—even when I’m wearing my period panties and shoving ice cream in my face. My point is, I’ve got a fertile mind. I can come up with stories so quickly. Another of my fantasy jobs is tabloid reporter, cuz all that stuff is fakey fake. And in school, I always got good grades for my creative writing. My one teacher said I was detached from reality, and I’m all like: “Yeah. Right? Cool.” Masked and Whipped, Suzi I’m good with charts and stuff. Vaccine Scheduling WFH Gig Live Reps Call Center/Remote Full Job Description Live Reps Call Center is hiring for a vaccine scheduling project. Do you qualify for the Rapid Response Team? All shifts, 7 days a week, short or long term available… your choice. You must commit to completing all shifts you request. Must have a strong internet connection. Must have a quality PC i3 CPU or Better with 4GB OF RAM minimum and good computer system knowledge. No tablets, Mac’s, etc… must be a PC. You will need to pass a Standard Criminal Background check Knowledge of Microsoft Office and Excel a plus. Voice Over IP dialer experience helpful, but training is available. Must have a place to work in your home without disruptions or background noise. Job Types: Contracted Project - 9 months with 2, 6 month extensions possible Payment Rate: $10 to $12 per hour Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Flow Charters, I am totally 100% behind this. I know some people are all scared of getting vaccinated, but if you’ve had a couple of one night stands, you’ve been pricked with worse! Let’s get pricked! Since I’m Asian, I’m really good at organizing stuff. And these skills have been really helpful in my current not-real career of phone actress. I have a schedule of when each client needs my attention, what they like and don’t like, and any other notes. It’s important to be on top of things (that’s what he said), so I know I’ll be a natural fit for this job. Stickin’ and Winnin’, Suzi Do I know my way around a camera or what! I DO! Wedding Photographer Fairytale Productions Event Services Tampa, FL LEAD PHOTOGRAPHERS NEEDED TO CAPTURE WEDDINGS - great pay, steady work, have fun at parties! Are you looking to photograph events where people are having a ton of fun and love is in the air? We are a wedding photography company with over 20 years combined in the industry and can help you do that! All you need is some of your own equipment and some experience capturing weddings. This is a Shoot and Send position - we handle all pre-wedding and post-wedding tasks (including selecting finals and editing). This leaves you with the time you need to focus on your own business! Pay: $700 per day (8 hours = $87.50/hour). You have the chance to earn $700-$800 multiple days of the year if you provide good work. Travel: You'll need your own car but you won't always have to travel far! Most of our jobs are in the Tampa area. If you do have to drive far, you'll get compensated for mileage. FREELANCER MUST PROVIDE OWN EQUIPMENT. Necessary equipment: -DSLR or Mirrorless camera (2 cameras - one for a backup) -SD cards and batteries - Quality Lenses -Flash (on camera and/or external) Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Fab Photogs, This. This is so me. I have been in, like, so many weddings because I am the ultimate bridesmaid. Seriously. I’m the ultimate bridesmaid who knows how to throw awesome parties and have so much fun and keep things moving on wedding day. So imagine all my experience behind the camera! I know what it takes to make a good pic. I’m *this* close to becoming an influencer. Because my Insta is on point. And, my fun energy will just make everyone have fun and I’ll get the best pics—even ones that shouldn’t make the album cuz they’re a little naughty!!! Point and Shoot This, Suzi I’m related to some Chins! Chin Interpreter Linguistica International – Kansas City, MO Full Job Description At Linguistica International, we meet any type of language service needs, including telephone-based interpretation, on-site interpretation, and written translation. Our services are available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year and our qualified professional interpreters cover over 350 languages and dialects. Responsibilities: Receive client-calls and answer in a professional manner Render correct concepts and meanings between requested language and English, upholding correct rules of grammar, clarity, and tone, from one language into another Provide clear and accurate renditions with no additions or omissions Employ good customer service and clear enunciation, pronunciation, pleasant and professional voice as well as polite forms of expression Remain calm during emergency calls Qualifications: Native, or near-native, fluency in requested language and English Ability to explain cultural concepts to avoid miscommunication, and to act as a cultural broker Ability to concentrate, stay detached from the conversation and remain neutral and objective at all times while following the client’s instructions closely Excellent listening, retention and note-taking skills to maintain a high level of accuracy Suzi’s Cover Letter:Dear Chintzies, I can speak chin. Chins are very important to the look of someone’s face. A double chin is cute on a baby, but let’s be honest. You’re kind of a fatty if you have two chins. I can help people define their chin with makeup and slim their double (or triple—thanks, COVID) chin. Scarves are good for that. Or some shading. I’m also good with Chinese Chins, because my mom was a Chin before she married my dad—a Wang. Though I’ve heard my mom has had some wangs on her chin before, but... I’m thinking that has nothing to do with this job. But if it does, I can take one or two on the chin, too. Chinny-chin-chins, Suzi I mean, Asians have been known to be maids, so… Meter Reader Forsyth County – Cumming, GA $30,295 annual salary Job Summary Locates water meters on established routes and within designated timeframes; plans efficient meter-reading route to correspond with account sequence on billing reports; drives utility truck to conduct meter-reading activities. Reads water meters; enters water consumption data from meter into handheld computerized meter reading device; records data and confirms accuracy of readings; sequences accounts into proper order. Tests meters to ensure proper operations and accurate readings; inspects/observes condition of meters; checks meters for leaks or illegal taps; reports any necessary repair/maintenance work. Disconnects or reconnects water service as appropriate; turns on meters to establish water service to new customers; turns off meters to close accounts or to troubleshoot leaks. Performs customer service functions; provides assistance and information related to meters, consumption, leaks, department procedures, or other issues; responds to routine questions, complaints, or requests for service; initiates problem resolution. Performs manual work associated with meter reading and maintenance activities; digs around meter boxes and removes dirt/debris; pumps water from meter boxes and determines source of leaks; cleans meter boxes and glass to obtain accurate reading; removes and replaces broken meter boxes/lids; shovels materials. Operates a variety of equipment and tools associated with meter reading activities, which may include a utility truck, radio communications equipment, handheld computerized meter reading device, meter locator, probing rod, water pump, pipe wrench, shovel, or mechanic tools. Performs general/preventive maintenance tasks necessary to keep equipment in operable condition, which may include inspecting equipment, refueling vehicles, checking/replacing fluids, greasing equipment, washing/cleaning equipment, or cleaning work areas; monitors equipment operations to maintain efficiency and safety; reports faulty equipment. Follows safety procedures, utilizes safety equipment, and monitors work environment to ensure safety of employees, the public, and other individuals. Prepares or completes various forms, reports, correspondence, lost meter reports, no-backflow reports, illegal hookup reports, stolen property reports, vehicle maintenance reports, timesheets, or other documents. Receives various forms, reports, correspondence, meter route books, receipts, maps, manuals, reference materials, or other documentation; reviews, completes, processes, forwards or retains as appropriate. Assists in maintaining inventory of division supplies; ensures availability of adequate materials to conduct work activities; initiates requests for new/replacement materials; picks up supplies as needed. Communicates via telephone and/or two-way radio; provides information and assistance; records/relays messages; responds to requests for service or assistance. Communicates with supervisor, employees, other departments, customers, the public, and other individuals as needed to coordinate work activities, review status of work, exchange information, or resolve problems. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Maids a Milking, It has always been my dream to wear a uniform. And I already have a French maid one in my closet! It’s my most popular one! How cute would I look riding around on my pink sparkle scooter checking out meters? (Please say I can have a pink sparkle scooter!!!) I’m good with coins and my penmanship is awesome, so writing tickets would be like little works of art. P.S. Do I have to clean stuff, too? Maid for This, Suzi We’re all beautiful! I want to bring it out! Beauty AdvisorOVERVIEW Experience a place of energy, passion, and excitement. A place where the joy of discovery and uncommon artistry blend to create exhilarating buying experiences—for true beauty enthusiasts. At Ulta Beauty, we’re transforming the world one shade, one lash, one cut at a time. Because beauty is powerful. If you seek greater purpose—a place of vision, mission, and lived values—where voices are heard, contributions valued and recognized and growth opportunities abound, consider Ulta Beauty. Nowhere else are the possibilities quite this beautiful. THE IMPACT YOU CAN HAVE: Welcome to an exciting future in the retail beauty industry! As a Beauty Advisor at Ulta Beauty, you will be the first point of contact for our guest Beauty Enthusiasts, setting and exceeding their expectations for the beauty journey they’re about to experience within your store. As the initial face of the Ulta Beauty brand, you will have the opportunity to put your passion for beauty on full display, while ensuring that everything in the store is clean, fully stocked and ready to “wow” guests and other associates. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Face Saviors, Ulta is like Heaven on Earth to me! I remember when one opened up near me—I cried. Tears of complete joy! Plus, I envision myself wearing that cool black smock with some booty-poppin’ jeans and smart, sassy heels. My hair in a classic French twist, and my makeup—of course—on point. I’m really good at doing makeup. All my friends asked me to be their beauty advisor, so It’s, like, natural that I do it and make money. Because paying me in wine is fun until the rent’s due, yo! This is some makeup I did for my friend Sara who had to go to court on some b.s. prostitution charge. She wanted a dramatic look, so... Beautiful Faces and Beautiful Queens, Suzi Let me rock, ya, Chaka Khan! Script writer / Voice over SHAKAWEAR – Los Angeles, CA Remote/Contract Looking for a gifted individual with script writing and voice over experience to write, edit storyboards, video scripts and other documentation for a streetwear company located in Los Angeles. Ideal candidates can tackle the process of discussing many facets of the apparel/streetwear industry by creating short videos and performing the voice over. You will work as part of a team of apparel experts and graphic designers to develop the training videos. Must have strong writing experience, sense of humor, a strong work ethic and a team player. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Rattlers, I am all about shaking and rattling. I’ve been a fidget my whole life, and I got some juice in the streets. Everybody knows Suzi S and what I’m about. Which is keepin’ it real on the DL. Fo shizzle. I’m known for my style and my can do attitude. And I talk good and stuff. I do have phone acting experience and my results are always A+. I know that being an influence is something I can do in my sleep, but since this is all active and stuff I won’t be sleeping on the job. Plus, I’m so pumped that Chaka Khan has her own shapewear. She’s booty-tastic and so cool! Shaka, Rattle and Wear, Suzi I’m really good with gestures! American Sign Language Interpreter (ASL) The Stepping Stones Group is currently interviewing American Sign Language Interpreters like YOU for the 2020-2021 School Year! Join us in our mission to positively impact the lives of children and give a voice to those who need it most. If you're new to the school-setting, we've got you covered with first-class clinical support and our Foundations Mentoring Program. How we support & invest in your career: Dedicated clinical manager Professional development stipend Bridge Academy Complimentary access to our CEU Library Live CEU events monthly Foundations Mentoring Program Online resources & tools Professional certification offerings Benefits made for you: Full time, part time, local contract and travel eligible positions - nationwide Student loan repayment plans Full health benefits Health & wellness spending stipend 401(k) and More! Job Requirements for American Sign Language Interpreters: EIPA Score with AL License Full Time; New Grads Accepted Suzi's Cover Letter:Dear Finger Fellows, I learned sign language as a kid, and I was good! I need a refresher course, but I can probs get that on YouTube. I love kids, plus I can wear the cutest jewelry to accent my hands while signing. Let’s kick this up a notch! Signed (get it!), Suzi I speak in tongues! Fukienese InterpreterRemote Exciting career opportunities in the language access industry are waiting for you at LanguageLine Solutions. Whether you work in the corporate office, in one of our satellite offices, at our Interpreting Call Centers, or work from home, you can help make a difference in someone’s life every second of every day. Language Required: Fukienese Position Overview: The Fukienese Telephone/Video Interpreter is responsible for handling calls on demand, and renders the meaning of conversations between Fukienese and English speakers. The interpreter breaks the communication barrier in a wide range of industries that LanguageLine Solutions serves: Healthcare, Government, Insurance, Financial, Utilities, Travel & Hospitality, General Business, Law Enforcement, Court, and 911. The interpreter processes information quickly, concisely and recognizes sensitive cultural differences. He/She is professional and courteous at all times. The interpreter uses appropriate terminology and understands common industry procedures and practices. The calls may involve simple or complex, technical or non-technical subjects. This position does not involve written translation however translators and other skilled linguists are encouraged to apply. Telephone/Video interpreters translate verbally. Suzi’s Cover Letter: Dear Fukiers, I didn’t know other people spoke Fukienese. I thought it was just me who was a pro in telling people to Fuk off! I’m great with calls, cuz that’s what I do now. I’m a phone actress. So, I’m about helping and fulfilling others, and doing this would be more fulfillinger. Let’s Fukieng Do This! Suzi |
AuthorI'm just your average girl who wants a kick-ass life and... love! If I could be a superhero, that would be AWESOME! I'm currently a "phone actress" looking for a really cool career. Don't get me wrong-- I love giving a hand to dudes who need someone to chat with. Everybody needs somebody! But, my parents keep telling me I need a respectable job. Sigh. Archives
August 2022
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