KitKat is one of my favorite candy bars. So I was totally pumped about KitKat ice cream cones. I dropped a small fortune on this box of four-- $4.95. But like I said—I love KitKat.

Underwhelming.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s a delicious treat. Just not knock-my-socks-off fantastic. There’s fudge throughout the inside of the cone, and fudge in the center of the vanilla ice cream.

Honestly, the Nestle Drumstick is better. Nuts on top of the chocolate shell. No fudge center, but there wasn’t that much in the KitKat version. With the Drumstick, you still get fudge inside the cone.

And you can get an eight-count of Drumsticks for $5.97 at Walmart.

Way to let me down, sweet confection…

Who knew there would ever be a fight over Long Island Iced Tea? One of my favorite drinks when you’ve had a bad day and need to erase it quickly, this beverage of regret has caused a war between New York bartenders and the City of Kingsport, TN.

I knew the competition was happening. Then I got this press release. Here’s a snippet:

Long Island Bartenders participated in the final round of the Long Island Iced Tea Challenge, a challenge to determine the origins of the famed Long Island Ice Tea drink between Kingsport, Tenn and Long Island, NY. They are calling an investigation by the City of Kingsport Mayor John Clark, after judges chosen to determine the original “Long Island Iced Tea” winner were possibly rigged by Visit Kingsport, the tourism entity associated with the Tennessee bartending crew. Butch Yamali, bartender and owner of Hudson’s on the Mile in Freeport, NY, has called the competition a possible fraud, after his team was excluded from location negotiations and had no say in judge selection. Long Island bartenders traveled to Washington DC to compete against the City of Kingsport Tourism Bureau. The Long Island bar staff  is saying that the contest was null and void and that the Kingsport team possibly wasted tens of thousands of  tourism dollars on a booze trip for a fake contest.  

I get y’all are upset. This is your livelihood (?) and who wouldn’t want the L.I. crown? But seriously. There are so many things that truly need investigating that this seems downright ri-damn-diculous.

On that note, I’m going to grab a non-fancy pre-made Long Island that I love—the Captain’s Long Island.

Red solo cup up! 

That’s the best headline we could devise. We're sleep-deprived.

​Honey Baked Ham is celebrating its online merch shop with a custom HAMmock. Yup. It’s your fantasy come true. You can look like and be as desired as a Honey Baked Ham.

Press your “ham” into this:
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KFC is pretty cool with its online merch and marketing. Honey Baked Ham doesn’t want to get left behind. I get it. Seriously, I only think of H.B. around the holidays. But its online merch shop leaves something to be desired. There are very few items, and the marketing folks need to come up with as many pun-item-related products as possible. Deeming themselves “Home of the World’s Best Swag” is ballsy and… inaccurate. Plus, for whatever reason-- the look of this hammock makes me want to hurl. It looks like raw flesh to me. 

I appreciate your pork swagger. But you need the merch to back up the swag. At least you have the HAMmock. You should’ve made a ham pool floatie to also celebrate summer. Not all of your products need to incorporate the word “ham”. That might help.

Off for a nap. But not in this hammock. LOL

I think this gal must be the child I never had. Because she has fire. A lot of fire. And she’s not afraid to torch that bridge when necessary.

Nataly Buhr is making headlines with her valedictorian speech at San Ysidro High School in sunny California. After the standard thanking of her friends and family, and a handful of memorable teachers, she pulled an Al-Pacino-Scent-of-a-Woman-take-a-flame-thrower-to-this-place-speech.

She “thanked” her counselor:
"… for teaching me to fend for myself.  You were always unavailable to my parents and I, despite appointments. Only in these past few weeks, with the awards ceremonies and graduation coming up, did you begin making your appearance.”

She “thanked” the office staff:
"Your negligence to inform me of several scholarships until the day before they were due potentially caused me to miss out on thousands of dollars.”

She “thanked” an unnamed teacher:
Who was “regularly intoxicated during class… Thank you for using yourself as an example to teach students about the dangers of alcoholism. Being escorted by police out of school was a lasting impression.”

School officials said her speech wasn’t the one she submitted for approval prior to the ceremony, and that she ruined the positivity of her moment.  Uhmm... she took her moment up 10 notches!
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​FYI: Her parents and friends are proud of her shade. Put this chick in charge of something. 

I’ve seen the ads. Everywhere. Including in my social media feed for The Real Real. What’s that you ask? Consignment shopping for rich-bitch stuff.
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Oooh, verfied designer stuff for a fraction of the price. Here’s the ad that I received:
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Limited edition Nike’s with a plutonium display case. Only $11,000! And they’re 8-years-old!!!  WTF did this cost when it was brand new!?!? Seriously. Sneakers that I will scuff, get mud on, wear once or twice… then display them? I’d rather have the foosball table or margarita machine. Those are more valuable and worthy of “display.” You don’t want to see my foot juice on display.

Notice next to the ridic shoe box, the clear “Cinderella” pumps. For $647.50. What? Did Prince Charming get these back in the divorce settlement?

I’ll just stick with fake fake Target bargains and Amazon purchases.

And by the way, this website is real for whom? Most rich folk don’t consignment shop. This site must be for real fools who want to pretend they’re really rich with over-priced bullsh*t.

*End Rant*

Older man. Younger woman. This concept is nothing new. Experts will say genetics are to blame. That way back in time we needed to populate the Earth, and so men need younger women to make that happen because older women ain’t droppin’ eggs anymore, blah, blah, blah. But that has nothing to do with today.

There is no need to populate the planet. It’s just a man’s need to feel like he’s still got juice. Like, free-flowing, life-creating juice. Vurp.

I just read a story that 64-year-old Dennis Quaid dumped his long-time girlfriend Santa Auzina—who’s 31—for Laura Savoie—who’s 26.
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While the dudes are high-fiving their “bra” for landing a hot, young babe, keep in mind she could be his granddaughter.

You are banging your granddaughter!

I get that age is just a number. But seriously, what do you two have in common with nearly four (4) decades separating you!?!?

Guess she’s a smart one—a PhD student. And smart because who doesn’t want some celebrity money and notoriety.

I thought she might be into fossil fuels and Dennis was a case study.
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Hey, it might be true love. I mean, Dennis is still fit-and-fine and who didn’t love to sit on grandpa’s lap as a kid?

Add this to the list of things I want for my home:

I’m starting to think I need a second home display all the cool, wacky stuff I want. LOL Add this to the indoor bowling alley, skee ball table, wine machine, etc… and we’ll have the best second-party-home ever!

What’s sad, is that this item is out of stock!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

It’s the perfect one-two punch: fun game, and functional coffee table.

Maybe they’ll get this item back in, and then I might have to buy one. Since I don’t own a second home, I have no idea where I would put this. I like the coffee table I have now.

Sigh.

#FirstWorldProbs

I like Groupon. I’ve purchased many a meal deal, activities, and steals on jewelry. But I’m quite certain I do not want to purchase any kind of supplement or “drug” this way. And this seems a little… not cool.
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Yup! For just $39 or $69 (really?) you can purchase this Groupon and receive this:

After an online physician consult, patients can receive Lady-V, a Sildenafil / Oxytocin blended specifically for enhanced female libido

First of all, this chick is too young for any kind of enhancement pill. Show me a frazzled, soft-around-the-middle woman, and I might identify better. Second of all—and most importantly—libido stimulating drugs are targeted differently for men and women. And actual results for women from these drugs are minimal.

While men’s Viagra goes straight for the banana, the female version targets the neurotransmitters in the brain. Why can’t a drug be developed that would stimulate our parts?

Just like a man to miss the mark… again.

P.S. A bottle of wine will do the trick. And it’s only $4.99. Just sayin’. LOL