​Who knew you could buy a man for $15 on Wish?
​
This app has provided hours of entertainment. Hope you find joy in the silliest of things…

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night… nor a global pandemic will stop a scammer.

Sigh.

Check out this “serious” email:

Staying safe is the best way to survive this pandemic, how are you
doing, I am yet to hear from you concerning my proposal, did you get
my last email?

Regards,
Anzhelika Makotina
Senior Sales Executive
Kirishi Oil Refinery, Russia
[email protected]
 
Uhhmmmm… No. Did not get any proposal, nor do I want one. Two, ignoring your email is the best way to stay scam-safe. And three, f&ck your faux concern for my well-being in this pandemic.

How about you accept my proposal: Eat a bag of sweaty d&cks, and die…

Must be the quarantine wine talking…
​

The hubs and I have a New Year’s Eve tradition where we go out to dinner at a place called The Twisted Olive. We like the atmosphere and food. We went there on 12/31/19. In the beginning of April, and again just a few days ago—I received this email:

​​Guess with the lockdown in effect you’re able to get to that busy work—of nearly four months later—of wondering how last year’s dinner was.

Mind you, I’m not raging on Ms. Simons. I just found it odd that this would even go out so long after my dining, considering I usually get these kinds of emails almost immediately. And... I can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday, so...

By the way, Christina, the food and service were excellent as always. But, we’re not too pleased with all the events that have transpired so far in 2020. Can you create a cocktail-food-combo that will make it go away, like the Twisted Tittie, or something?
​
Get back to me in four months…

P.S. I miss dining out... in a restaurant... with other people...

More marketing folks need to think like I do—inappropriately. Smart-ass-y. See this here ad from Flamingo?​

I don’t need an ingrown hair—even if it’s free. I have a few of my own that are already free.

See what I mean…

Perhaps they should’ve chosen another word besides ‘free’ that would’ve gotten the point across—even though the choice is perfectly fine… accept when it comes to Crack Wise Nation. Because we see things differently.

Have fun freeing hairs while in quarantine…

P.S. Could you imagine someone giving out free ingrown hairs? And someone actually wanting them?