I can honestly say I've never used a bidet. I've never been in a restroom where one is offered. And quite frankly, I wouldn't know how to use it. I understand the basic principle behind this feature. Who doesn't want the cleanest of hineys? But this bidet looks mutha-effin' scary.
​

My concern is that this stream of water is going to shoot through the shoot and all the way up and out of my mouth!

Why not call the fire department and have them blast your backside? Because that's what I equate this to.
​
I think I'll be passing on this Groupon. By, the way-- I wasn't "looking for this" ever. Plus, thanks to comedian Mike Conley all I can think about is how he's renamed the bidet "water toilet paper."

​It's not every day you get a call from a former PUSA...​

Obviously, I did not receive a call from President Carter, though that would've been epic. I love technology, but love how it's imperfect in cases like this one. Lost in translation voice transcription is just as entertaining as reading production descriptions on Wish.

Oh, we're also gonna have to say "no" to giving us a bath. We're not into three-play, no matter if you were once a president or not. Who knew you swung like Slick Willie or JFK?

I have no idea what this latest scam could be, because I refuse to link click into a rabbit hole of computer takeover or all-access to my life. But I’ve gotten this twice through my contact form section through my website www.hausofv.com:

Submitted Information:
Name
CrystalAnach CrystalAnach
Email
[email protected]
Company Name
CrystalAnachWK
Comment
We would like to inform that you liked a comment ID:35915743 in a social network , January 9, 2019 at 19:48
This like has been randomly selected to win the seasonal «Like Of The Year» 2019 award!
http://facebook.com+prize+@1310252231/7WJ9j

The overachiever in me would love to be an award winner. Because back-in-the-day, I’d get some cash from mom and dad and a toy that I wanted. But methinks this is no award. Though I’m curious if I’m getting props for my fabulous wit from a social media comment. But I know that I rarely comment on people’s posts, so, nice try.

I love how “Like of The Year” awards are handed out before the year is actually over…

Toolbags. 

I pray to Sweet Baby Jesus that neither I, nor any of my friends or family, fall victim to some scamming asshat. These ingrown ball hairs need to legit get a job and stop taking from others.

But I must give this loser some props. Because a majority of us haven't fallen for the Nigerian prince thing, or the "one of your long lost relatives put you in their will".

But Billie, from China has quite the proposition for me:
 
Hello kathy (Names are capitalized in this country)
Hope you are doing well. (You don't give two efffs. Drop the b.s.)
I am Billie for China.I was going through your website (Which one?), and I'm writingtoexplore (So excited you're slurring your words together?) possible business opportunities.
Joawa Plastic Mould Company (Shouldn't this be a lead company? It is China...) is medium and small-scale accurate plastic mould company,We accept all kinds of molding tool design & manufacturing, plastic production and assembles etc. (Nice punctuation.)
We have been the supplier of many European andAmerican factoriesfor 10 years. we could also have good cooperation withyou. (I don't cooperate with known dbags.)
If you areinterested in a protential (Is a pro-tential project for pros only?) project,Please email us to get afull proposal. (What's afull proposal? Sounds tedious.)
Thanks & Regards,
Billie
 
I don't know what to do here. Such an obvious wonderful opportunity here. There was a document attached to this email that I obviously refused to open. I'm sure that's where the phishing would take place.

Kudus to the not-obvious play of not asking for my bank account info right away. Nor telling me how much I "inherited."

But all I could think about while reading was this:
1. How many people in China are named "Billie"? Are there a plethora of Billie Wangs and Billie Dongs and Billie Hungs running around Tiananmen Square?
 
2. And is this the true identity of Billie Jean from Jacko's song? The song was running through my mind while trying to take this all seriously... not.
​

Not only can you find cool stuff on Wish for a fraction of the price around these parts, you can get some damned good entertainment. One night, the hubs and I spent a good hour (or more) looking up products and LOL-ing at the lost-in-translation product descriptions.

Priceless.

Now, Wish has crossed the line. And we love it. I would've posted this straight-up to the Facebook Crack Wise page-- but surely someone would complain at the "offensive" content. Because it's a dick pick. For real.
​

Surely, you'll want to gift your man with the towel on the left?

This might make an excellent stocking stuffer for a male in your life, be it friend, lover, brother... Or someone you don't like gets the towel on the bottom right...
​
Enjoy for your dick towel!