Funformation
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Brunching is a thing. We loves us a good brunch. Especially if a flight of mimosas and Bellini's are involved. But we digress. Where or where is the brunchiest brunchers of all? The Big Apple, of course. Since that's not practical for a road trip (or is it?), check out where LawnStarter has your town ranked on the list. Since we'd rather spend our gas money or airfare on previously mentioned mimosas, maybe invite the gang over for brunch at your place. Blue Cheese-Bacon Cloud Eggs *recipe courtesy of Better Homes and Gardens Ingredients: 4 eggs ¼ cup crumbled blue cheese 2 tablespoon chopped fresh chives, plus more for topping 2 tablespoon cooked, crumbled bacon, plus more for topping Freshly ground black pepper Instructions: Preheat oven to 400°F. Separate eggs, putting whites in 1 large bowl and yolks in 4 separate small bowls. Beat whites until stiff peaks form. Fold in cheese. Spoon into 4 mounds on parchment-lined baking sheet; make a deep well in center of each. Bake at 400° for 5 minutes. Remove from oven and carefully spoon 1 yolk to each well; season with pepper. Bake until yolks are just set, 2 to 3 minutes. Sprinkle with additional bacon and chives. Serve immediately. There's nothing worse than a pain in the butt. A chicken butt, that is. Personally, we don't like dealing with the rear business of a bird. That's where the Turbo Trusser comes in to help keep things locked and loaded and juicy. We think this looks like some strange device you'd find at the gyno's office, but if it gets the job done.... on the chicken, we mean... Here's a tasty fowl recipe for your newly-purchased Turbo Trusser, courtesy of, well, T. T. Rotisserie Chicken Ingredients: A whole chicken (about 4 pounds) 1 chicken Turbo Trusser Shaker of your favorite rub Instructions: Rinse the chicken inside and out in cold running water. Drain. Pat dry on the cutting board. Cut off any excess fat. Combine olive oil, kosher salt, ground black pepper, and garlic in a small bowl. Mix well and set aside. Preheat your oven or grill to 350℉. Attach the Turbo Trusser to the chicken. Sprinkle your favorite rub on the outside and inside of the chicken. Gently pat it in. Insert the Rotisserie through the chicken and Turbo Trusser. Put it on the grill and rotisserie for 1 to 1.5 hours or until it reaches an internal temperature of 165 degrees. How's your cube game looking? When we think "cubes" we think of "ice", or "Rubik's" or perhaps "cheese." And if we're old school, we're still using ice cube trays. Imagine Ice cube trays of all cube sizes, and not just for use in the freezer. How 'bout cubing things in the oven, too? We know. Mind. Blown. Think of the possibilities: pre-portioned foods like chilis, stews, soups, meatloaves, and more stored in the freezer in non-wastable-sized portions, then popped in the oven for delicious goodness. Souper Cubes come in 2 cups, 1 cup, 1/2 cup, and 2 tablespoon portions. The 100% food-grade silicone containers are BPA free and can be frozen or baked up to 415 degrees F. Nifty! Well, if we're gonna impulse buy this, we're gonna put it to good use. Here's a tasty recipe from Souper Cubes. No Bake Cookies and Cream Cheesecake Ice Cream Bars Ingredients: Cookie Crust: 20 Oreo cookies 1 stick (½ cup) unsalted butter, melted Filling: 12 Oreo cookies 16 ounces (2 packages) cream cheese, at room temperature ¼ cup granulated sugar ¼ cup powdered sugar 1 tablespoon lemon juice ½ teaspoon vanilla extract ⅛ teaspoon salt 2 cups cold heavy cream Instructions: To prepare crust: Add 20 Oreo cookies to the bowl of a food processor. Blend, scraping down the sides of the bowl as necessary, until fine crumbs form. Drizzle in ½ cup melted butter and pulse until the mixture looks like wet sand. Set aside. To prepare filling: Place 12 Oreo cookies in a zip top bag and crush with a meat mallet, rolling pin, or heavy glass. Set aside. Beat 16 oz (2 packages) cream cheese, ¼ cup sugar, ¼ cup powdered sugar, 1 Tbsp, ½ teaspoon vanilla extract, and ⅛ teaspoon salt in the bowl of a stand mixer with the paddle attachment or in a large bowl with a hand mixer until fully incorporated and resembling a paste. If using a stand mixer, swap the paddle attachment for the whisk attachment. Add 2 cups heavy cream to the cream cheese mixture in the bowl. Whisk on low until combined, then increase the speed to medium and mix until the filling is whipped, 3 to 4 minutes. Stir in the reserved bag of crushed Oreo cookies. To assemble cheesecakes: Place a small amount of the cookie crust mixture to just cover the bottom of the Souper Cubes tray wells. Pat down the crust with the back of a spoon, a small rubber spatula, or a clean finger. Top with the cheesecake filling and spread evenly across the crust. Place a lid on each tray and freeze overnight. Is anybody really surprised that California is THE place for wine in the U.S.? Of course not. Is anyone surprised that Napa is the #1 wine county in Cali? Again, nope. LawnStarter has the breakdown on how to properly do a California wine tour, in case you're interested. In the meantime, if you can't enjoy the finer wines from the West-- crack open your favorite under-20-bucks brand and enjoy this dip with it. At least you'll feel a little bit bougie. Crab Rangoon Dip*recipe courtesy of BakeMeSomeSugar.com Ingredients: 4 oz cream cheese softened 1/4 cup greek yogurt 3 Tablespoons mayonnaise 8 oz crab meat or as desired 1 cup cheddar cheese 1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce 1/2 teaspoon soy sauce 1 1/2 teaspoons sesame oil or to taste 1 teaspoon dehydrated garlic to taste - Salt or 1/4 cup parmesan cheese your preference (do not add both) Hot sauce to taste Green onions optional garnish 3 cups oil of choice peanut or vegetable 1 package wonton wrappers Instructions: Preheat oven to 350F. Then grease your baking dish and set it aside. Then combine your Greek yogurt, cream cheese, mayo, and 1/2 cup of cheese, soy sauce, sesame oil, Worcestershire sauce, garlic, and your hot sauce. Feel free to taste and adjust seasoning to your liking. Next fold in your crab meat. Once well mixed, pour the dip into the oven-safe dish and top with your leftover shredded cheese. Bake for 10 minutes, or until your cheese is slightly golden brown. While the dip is baking, start working on your wonton chips. Heat oil in a deep fryer or a heavy pot (like a dutch oven). Or opt for the air fryer method below. Slice wonton wrappers into triangles (Cut in half diagonally) then fry a few at a time in the hot oil. Make sure they have room and flip after 30 seconds on one side. Place cooked wonton chips on a plate that is lined with a paper towel. Pull hot crab dip from oven, garnish with sliced green onions and serve with wonton chips. Air Fryer Wontons | Prep your wontons as directed and spritz with oil. Place in your air fryer, in a single layer. Heat at 350 degrees for 2-3 minutes, and then flip and cook until they are evenly browned. Some things are not surprising. Like the most popular place for all things bagel is NYC. You can get a bagel just about everywhere, and they're all so tasty. Lawn Love knows a thing or 10 about bagels. How? We have no idea. Maybe grass and bagels go hand in schmear. Check out these nifty factoids about bagels. You might be even be able to impress someone with this rando knowledge. And why aren't we celebrating the bagel more often? They're not just for breakfast. Here's a tasty meal you can shove in your mouth outside of breakfast. BAGEL BURGERS WITH DILL PICKLE CREAM CHEESE*recipe courtesy of Rebecca Lindamood Ingredients per burger: Dill Pickle Dip Grilled burger patty 1 pumpernickel or everything bagel split for toasting Olive oil Mixed spring greens or lettuce of choice Instructions: Drizzle olive oil over the cut sides of the bagel. Toast, oiled side down, until the bagel is golden brown. Let it cool for 5 minutes, then assemble your burger by first spreading dill pickle dip generously on the bottom half of the bagel, stacking on a grilled burger patty, handful of greens or lettuce and the top half of the toasted bagel. The fruit that led to the downfall of mankind happens to be our favorite: Apples. But more importantly, there's an entire day dedicated to the Opal Apple. And that day is December 9th. Why? We don't really know. Perhaps that was the day that this hybrid apple was created (it's a cross between a Golden Delicious and a Topaz Apple), or it was the only day their money could buy to make it a "holiday". Whatever. Guess this uniquely crunchy, sweet and tangy temptress should be enjoyed-- especially since they don't brown. What? P.S. We'd prefer a Diamond Apple over an Opal, because it's the better gem.. Well, to celebrate-- try this apple recipe-- whether you use Opals or not! Apple Pecan Loaf Cake* recipe by Kitchen Confidante Ingredients: 2 cups flour 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon 1/2 cup unsalted butter 1 cup brown sugar 1 teaspoon vanilla 1 egg 1 cup buttermilk 2 apples, diced, about 2 cups (Opal® Apples were beautiful in this) 1/2 cup pecans, crushed, divided Instructions: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Prepare 2 loaf pans (I used 1.5 lb pans measuring 10x5x3 inches) by lightly coating with baking spray (or butter), and lining with parchment paper. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, salt and cinnamon, and set aside. In the bowl of an electric mixer, cream butter and sugar together. Add vanilla and egg, mix well, scraping down the sides of the bowl with a spatula. Add the buttermilk and flour mixture in batches, alternating. Stir in the apples and 1/4 cup of pecans. Divide the batter into two loaf pans. Bake for about 30 minutes, or until golden, and a toothpick inserted comes out clean. Let it cool in the pans for about 5 minutes, then gently transfer to a wire rack to cool. While the loaves are still warm, spoon some caramel sauce over the tops and sprinkle with pecans. Serve warm or at room temperature. When we get to grilling season, it seems the appetizers and dips get shoved aside. It’s understandable. We’re looking to shove all the grilled foods and sides into our faces while the sun is shining and life seems happier. But why not drop this dip at your next backyard get-together? Thanks, Pillsbury, for the suggestion. Dill Pickle Dip Ingredients: 1container (8 oz) chive & onion cream cheese spread ½ cup sour cream 2 tablespoons pickle juice ¼ teaspoon garlic powder 1 cup diced kosher dill pickles 4 teaspoons chopped fresh dill weed Pretzels or potato chips Instructions: In medium bowl, beat cream cheese spread, sour cream, pickle juice and garlic powder with electric mixer on medium speed until blended and smooth. Stir in pickles and dill. Cover and refrigerate 1 hour before serving. Serve with pretzels or chips. Those days from childhood pleading for your parents to take you to McDonald's because that was like nirvana: a non-creepy clown, delicious eats, a playground. Anything was better than that homemade hamburger on bread. All mushy and not fun. Some people grow out of the fast food love; others are still livin' that grab-and-go lifestyle. Lawnstarter crunched some numbers with their Frostys and determined that Orlando is the Best City for Fast Food Lovers. In fact, Orlando has more fast food joints per 100,000 residents than any other city. #nugdrop. Not only do the traditional fast food joints give O the crown, they've got a lot of fast international options, like Canadian cheese curds, authentic Mexican burritos, and traditional Caribbean nibbles. If the mere mention of fast food is making your ass wider, let's put a twist on a fast food fav-- that is calorie-kinder. From our buds at iowagirleats.com: Big Mac SaladIngredients: (makes 5-6 salads) 1lb ground beef Worcestershire sauce Seasoned salt and pepper 3 heads romaine lettuce, chopped 1 red onion, thinly sliced Freshly shredded cheddar cheese Cherry, grape, or vine-ripened tomatoes, chopped Dill pickles, chopped For the Special Sauce Salad Dressing: 1 cup mayonnaise 1/4 cup French dressing (could use ketchup) 2 Tablespoons minced pickles 2 Tablespoons minced onion (red or white) 1 Tablespoon distilled white vinegar Directions: For the Special Sauce Salad Dressing: Add ingredients to a bowl then whisk to combine. Can be made several days ahead of time. Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat then add the ground beef. Let the beef cook undisturbed until the bottom is golden brown then add a few shakes Worcestershire sauce, season with seasoned salt and pepper, and continue to saute until cooked through. Scoop onto a paper towel lined plate to drain and cool slightly. Once slightly cooled, divie lettuce between plates or bowls then top with the cooked ground beef, red onion, cheddar cheese, tomatoes, and dill pickles. Drizzle with Special Sauce Salad Dressing then serve. Cheese. We love cheese. No meal should be served without cheese. Okay… a few dishes don’t need cheese. But that doesn’t mean we don’t want our favorite food group. Thank goodness some dairy farmers way back in June 1937 were looking for a way to sell excess milk in the summer months, because that’s how cheese was born. Did you know: Cheese can be made from the milk of cows, sheep, goats, reindeer, buffalo, and even yaks. But the world’s rarest and most expensive cheese is made from the milk of Serbian donkeys. Crack Wise-dom: Hhhmmmm… “donkey cheese” sounds like something we’d find on OnlyFans. Pass. Scientists in Switzerland have researched the effect of music on cheese. Their conclusion: exposure to music produces a milder flavor than that of cheese raised in silence. Interestingly, hip-hop cheese has a slightly stronger—some might call it funkier—flavor. Crack Wise-dom: What about the effects of Screamo? Screamo Creamo Cheese? America’s favorite cheese isn’t American cheese. It’s cheddar. And while women are more likely than men to prefer brie, men tend to favor blue cheese. Crack Wise-dom: Since bleu cheese can smell like a rank ball sack, we get the correlation here. Mexican scientists are working to transform the waste left over from cheese production into biofuel. Crack Wise-dom: Mexican food = gas. Gas = buttfuel. A recent study found that wine and cheese could also lower the risk of developing Alzheimer’s. Crack Wise-dom: Excellent. Because we seriously do not want to forget that we love cheese. Let’s get cheesy with this recipe from Tamar Genger, RD and JamieGeller.com. Penne Pecorino Pasta Ingredients: 1/2 lb. whole grain penne 1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil, such as Colavita 1/2 onion, chopped fine 1 clove garlic, minced 8 oz. broccoli florets, chopped 1 cup (about 4 oz.) Pecorino, shredded 1 teaspoon dried oregano 1/2 teaspoon Black pepper 1 teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons butter 2 tablespoons flour 2 cups skim milk 1/2 cup sun dried tomatoes (optional) 1/2 cup grated Pecorino Romano Directions: Boil the pasta per package directions until just cooked and al dente. Strain and place in a large bowl. Meanwhile in a large pan, pour in oil and heat over medium high heat. Add onions and garlic, sauté until soft, about 5 minutes. Add broccoli florets and sauté until the broccoli is bright green, about 2 minutes. Add to pasta. Mix in cheese and spices. Preheat oven to 425. Clean out pan and put back on medium heat. Melt 2 tablespoons butter and whisk in all-purpose flour; cook, whisking constantly, 2 minutes. Whisk in milk gradually; cook, whisking constantly, 5 minutes or until mixture thickens. Remove from heat and pour over broccoli and pasta, mix well. Add sun dried tomatoes if using. (at this point you can refrigerate until ready to eat) Spray 4 large ramekins or a medium sized baking pan with cooking spray. Divide mixture among baking trays evenly. Top with grated Pecorino and bake 25 minutes. Enjoy hot and crispy. A holiday we can all get behind, er, or in front of, or—just put it in your mouth: National Wiener Schnitzel Day (9/9)! This dish is so iconic, that there are copycat recipes all over the world. In Japan, Tonkatsu is a breaded, deep-fried pork cutlet. Here in ‘Murica, our version is chicken-fried steak. But we must thank Austria for the OG schnitzel. Give this recipe a go: P.S. Thanks, Austria, for your wiener. In fact, we’ll celebrate you (it) every day. Wienerschnitzel Ingredients: 1 ½ pounds veal cutlets ½ cup all-purpose flour 3 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese 2 large eggs eggs 1 teaspoon minced parsley ½ teaspoon salt ¼ teaspoon pepper 1 pinch ground nutmeg 2 tablespoons milk 1 cup dry bread crumbs 6 tablespoons butter 4 slices lemon Directions: Place each veal cutlet between two pieces of plastic wrap, and pound with the flat side of a meat mallet until about 1/4 inch thick. Dip in flour to coat. In a medium bowl, stir together the Parmesan cheese, eggs, parsley, salt, pepper, nutmeg and milk. Place bread crumbs on a plate. Dip each cutlet into the egg mixture, then press in the bread crumbs to coat. Place coated cutlets on a plate and refrigerate for 1 hour or overnight. Melt butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Cook the breaded cutlets until browned on each side, about 3 minutes per side. Remove to a serving platter, and pour the pan juices over them. Garnish with lemon slices. *recipe courtesy of Allrecipes |
AuthorThe cracked Crack Wise Staff-- warriors of the Funformation Movement. Archives
January 2024
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