We really don’t want to be that Richard. And God bless Dad and Daughter for trying to lighten our spirits with “A Christmas Song.” But… We. Just. Can’t.
It’s saccharine sweet. It’s fun. Somebody’s entire family and friend crew is in this video. But with lyrics like:
“Ding a ling/Ding a dong”
We are not mature enough for those lyrics. Nope. We feel like this song is what sends that one unstable person over the edge—you know what we mean. Like, you’re being interviewed on the TV news:
“Yeah. Sarah was a little on the edge. But when she heard A Christmas Song she just… snapped and ran over a bunch of squirrels. Just horrible.”
We recommend lots of spiked eggnog to enjoy this tune. Hold the eggnog; keep the spiked.
We’ve done a lot of drinking in 2020. So, why not keep going? Gift your favorite boozehound with a craft beer bundle from Tavour this holiday season.
These Holiday Beer Bundles will feature beers from Fremont Brewing, Perennial Artisan Ales, Other Half Brewing, and other drink-worthy breweries. Think barrel-aged stouts, fruited sour ales, IPAs and more.
Download the Tavour app, and help your buds down some brewskis.
Look. Halloween is almost here. We have had minimal joy this year. So, dress up your dog and pimp him/her out for prizes. Woof.
Halo and Cesar Millan have launched their first-ever HALOween Dog Costume Challenge on Instagram. Dog lovers across the country are invited to share photos of their costumed dogs on Instagram and Facebook with the official hashtag #HALOweendog2020 to enter the challenge for a chance to win one of three pawesome prize packages, which include:
A Halo T-shirt (for humans!), an exclusive invitation to Halo Collar’s virtual launch event with Cesar Millan, and the ability to select a pet rescue or shelter to which Halo will provide a $500 charitable donation on their behalf. In addition, the first prize winner will receive a Halo Collar, a professional photoshoot with their dog as the model, and a special feature on Halo’s website and/or social media pages.
Submit your photos now through the 31st.
Bark it up, y’all!
This entire election has us all saying “eff off”. Perhaps this is the one thing that can unite us:
The Ballot Box.
A soft pretzel box from Eastern Standard Provisions Co.
Munch on this—instead of your fingernails—on election night. Eat all your feelings with their signature soft pretzel twists, sticks, and bites, along with a bag of its classic pretzel salt. These heat-and-eat pretzels arrive fresh to your door to be enjoyed immediately or frozen for future late-night binging.
Priced at $20.20 (get it?), we can get behind this platform. Grab some mustard or cheese dip, or both—and let’s do this! Available at www.esprovisions.com or on Amazon.
Make Snacking Great Again.
It’s s dilemma that we continue to wrestle with and something completely nonsensical to us: Why does everything that tastes so damned good, usually so damned fattening!?!?
You can still get your drank on, and not feel too guilty (unless you do something stupid while under the influence—but that’s on you) with Slim Chillers.
With holiday parties (small socially-distant gatherings or virtual hangs, of course) on the horizon—yeah, you Halloween—why suffer from an I-drank-too-many-calories hangover?
Skinny Freezer Vodka Martinis, Skinny Freezer Vodka Cocktails, and Wine Freezers are low-cal without sacrificing flavor. Good. Because we’re booze snobs. Only the finest twist caps for us!
These are adult freezer pops. Perfect. Sometimes we get the sweats from drinking...
Just call us Slim Chillady… which will make more sense after you down a handful of these.
If you’re feeling like you wanna bitch-slap COVID, then you might want to take part in the Embodiment Conference October 14-20 online.
You’ll get “free access to world-class teachers, practical tools for times of turmoil and a supportive global community”—according to its PR machine.
Alanis Morissette is the name of this whole virtual shindig: “I am thrilled to be part of The Embodiment Conference and participating in three panels. This conference is a timely and empowering balm, particularly during these challenging times. It is also a powerful resource for anyone who is healing from trauma themselves, or supporting someone on their healing journey.”
The hundreds of sessions being offered include: Coaching & Therapy; Dance & Creativity; Mediation & Breathwork; Yoga, and more…
Sign up HERE.
P.S. We think some good primal scream therapy would be a sing-a-long to “You Oughta Know.”
“.. And are you thinking of me when you f&ck her!!!!”
Probs not so zen, right?
Whoa! What’s this all about?
Not sure we’d want to buy this. Isn’t this perfume’s name the same name as that Paris Hilton sex tape?
Wait. That’s “1 Night in Paris”. Tomato; Tom-ah-to…
Either way, we know we don’t want anything that smells like that..
The cracked Crack Wise Staff-- warriors of the Funformation Movement.