We’ve thrown in the towel. That #COVID15 may easily turn into that #COVID32 the next time you step on the scale. At least we’re being honest about it. The average American plans on gaining seven pounds over the holidays. Plans on it.
Kudos! Why start a diet now? Well, some media type sent the Crack Wise staff a story pitch on what Thanksgiving dishes to avoid eating if you don’t want any more belly fat.
Who is this heathen? Dr. Myles Spar, chief medical officer of Vault Health. He recommends we avoid these five sides if we don’t want and extra roll on our sides:
Stuffing - You’re essentially chowing down on bread, butter, and sometimes sausage. Did I mention butter? And if you use the packaged stuffing, know that it’s designed to STUFF you full of salt, trans fats, and overly processed junk.
Crack Wise-dom: Your point?
Pumpkin Pie - Perhaps a more obvious answer since it’s a dessert, but pumpkin pie has more ingredients than just healthy pumpkin. The crust’s butter and flour, along with cream and sugar required for the filling, make for a large dose of saturated fat and calories.
Crack Wise-dom: So eating the whipped cream (which usually goes with the horrible, bad-for-me pie) straight from the can is a thumbs-up?
Mashed potatoes - As with many Thanksgiving side dishes, the main culprits in mashed potatoes are the add-ins (in this case, whole milk and butter). Some recipes even call for cream cheese or shredded cheese too. Try going easy on the butter and use low-fat milk to keep the nutritionals in check.
Crack Wise-dom: We can’t allow a cow to go unfulfilled by not eating her delicious products like cheese. Why you be hatin’ on cows?
Dark turkey meat with skin - Dark turkey meat contains too much fat to be considered a lean, healthy meat— even more so when the fatty skin is left on. I know, it’s a delicious part of your Thanksgiving meal, but try swapping a piece for white meat and your belly will thank you later.
Crack Wise-dom: Racist.
Biscuits - Without any healthy tweaks, biscuits are essentially flour, baking powder, salt, butter, and milk or cream. That’s a large number of calories for little nutritional value and little satiety. And chances are, you’re topping that biscuit with butter, gravy, or jelly.
Crack Wise-dom: Chances are, we give zero effs, so…
In conclusion: Thanks, but no thanks. Bring on the Spanx!
P.S. Is this doctor working on his next career move as a comedian?
The cracked Crack Wise Staff-- warriors of the Funformation Movement.