This entire election has us all saying “eff off”. Perhaps this is the one thing that can unite us:
The Ballot Box.
A soft pretzel box from Eastern Standard Provisions Co.
Munch on this—instead of your fingernails—on election night. Eat all your feelings with their signature soft pretzel twists, sticks, and bites, along with a bag of its classic pretzel salt. These heat-and-eat pretzels arrive fresh to your door to be enjoyed immediately or frozen for future late-night binging.
Priced at $20.20 (get it?), we can get behind this platform. Grab some mustard or cheese dip, or both—and let’s do this! Available at www.esprovisions.com or on Amazon.
Make Snacking Great Again.
It’s s dilemma that we continue to wrestle with and something completely nonsensical to us: Why does everything that tastes so damned good, usually so damned fattening!?!?
You can still get your drank on, and not feel too guilty (unless you do something stupid while under the influence—but that’s on you) with Slim Chillers.
With holiday parties (small socially-distant gatherings or virtual hangs, of course) on the horizon—yeah, you Halloween—why suffer from an I-drank-too-many-calories hangover?
Skinny Freezer Vodka Martinis, Skinny Freezer Vodka Cocktails, and Wine Freezers are low-cal without sacrificing flavor. Good. Because we’re booze snobs. Only the finest twist caps for us!
These are adult freezer pops. Perfect. Sometimes we get the sweats from drinking...
Just call us Slim Chillady… which will make more sense after you down a handful of these.
If you’re feeling like you wanna bitch-slap COVID, then you might want to take part in the Embodiment Conference October 14-20 online.
You’ll get “free access to world-class teachers, practical tools for times of turmoil and a supportive global community”—according to its PR machine.
Alanis Morissette is the name of this whole virtual shindig: “I am thrilled to be part of The Embodiment Conference and participating in three panels. This conference is a timely and empowering balm, particularly during these challenging times. It is also a powerful resource for anyone who is healing from trauma themselves, or supporting someone on their healing journey.”
The hundreds of sessions being offered include: Coaching & Therapy; Dance & Creativity; Mediation & Breathwork; Yoga, and more…
Sign up HERE.
P.S. We think some good primal scream therapy would be a sing-a-long to “You Oughta Know.”
“.. And are you thinking of me when you f&ck her!!!!”
Probs not so zen, right?
Whoa! What’s this all about?
Not sure we’d want to buy this. Isn’t this perfume’s name the same name as that Paris Hilton sex tape?
Wait. That’s “1 Night in Paris”. Tomato; Tom-ah-to…
Either way, we know we don’t want anything that smells like that..
A holiday we can all get behind, er, or in front of, or—just put it in your mouth:
National Wiener Schnitzel Day (9/9)!
This dish is so iconic, that there are copycat recipes all over the world. In Japan, Tonkatsu is a breaded, deep-fried pork cutlet. Here in ‘Murica, our version is chicken-fried steak. But we must thank Austria for the OG schnitzel.
Give this recipe a go:
P.S. Thanks, Austria, for your wiener. In fact, we’ll celebrate you (it) every day.
1 ½ pounds veal cutlets
½ cup all-purpose flour
3 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
2 large eggs eggs
1 teaspoon minced parsley
½ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 pinch ground nutmeg
2 tablespoons milk
1 cup dry bread crumbs
6 tablespoons butter
4 slices lemon
Place each veal cutlet between two pieces of plastic wrap, and pound with the flat side of a meat mallet until about 1/4 inch thick. Dip in flour to coat. In a medium bowl, stir together the Parmesan cheese, eggs, parsley, salt, pepper, nutmeg and milk. Place bread crumbs on a plate. Dip each cutlet into the egg mixture, then press in the bread crumbs to coat. Place coated cutlets on a plate and refrigerate for 1 hour or overnight. Melt butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Cook the breaded cutlets until browned on each side, about 3 minutes per side. Remove to a serving platter, and pour the pan juices over them. Garnish with lemon slices.
*recipe courtesy of Allrecipes
The cracked Crack Wise Staff-- warriors of the Funformation Movement.