Funformation
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Ah, yes. The New Year is just about here. Some of us are feeling oh-so-optimistic that the New Year will be fab. Others are expecting the same-ol-same-ol. And many people will make those effing resolutions. Resolutions are not your friend. They start out all "ride or die", then ghost you like you're some tramp. That's why we need to "re-imagine" resolutions. Instead of treating a resolution like a summer fling, we need to put a ring on it and treat it like a commitment. And that means making a plan instead of a resolution. The physicians at MedStar Health say it's cool to strive for achievements in the New Year. But we need to frame them properly. These three steps should help: Make a full plan, not just a resolution. Pick bite-sized goals that are achievable. Write down resolutions on paper or record digitally. Docs say the most important thing, though, is to always make your mental health your top priority, followed by getting more exercise and more sleep. You got this! Not everybody goes out and acts foolishly on New Year’s Eve. In fact, it’s way more fun to act foolish in your own home! Need something to nibble on while ringing in the New Year? Try this delish recipe from Delish. Cheesy Baked Meatballs Ingredients: For The Sauce: 1/4 c. extra-virgin olive oil 2 cloves garlic, minced 2 tbsp. freshly chopped oregano 1 (28-oz.) can crushed tomatoes Kosher salt Freshly ground black pepper For The Meatballs: 1 1/2 lb. ground beef 1/2 c. bread crumbs 1/4 c. freshly grated Parmesan 2 tbsp. freshly chopped parsley, plus more for garnish 2 cloves garlic, minced 1 large egg 1/2 tsp. red pepper glakes Kosher salt Freshly ground black pepper 1/3 c. shredded mozzarella 1/3 c. freshly grated Parmesan Thinly sliced basil, for garnish Instructions: Preheat oven to 375°. Make sauce: In a large pot over low heat, heat 1/4 cup oil. Add garlic and oregano and stir, making sure it doesn't burn, until fragrant, 1 minute. Add tomatoes and season with salt and pepper. Let simmer while you make meatballs. Make meatballs: In a large bowl, combine ground beef, bread crumbs, Parmesan, parsley, garlic, egg, and red pepper flakes and season with salt and pepper. Mix until fully combined, then form into 15 meatballs, about 2” in diameter. Place meatballs in an even layer in a 9”-x-13” baking dish. Bake 20 minutes, then add sauce and sprinkle all over with cheeses. Return to oven 15 to 20 minutes more, until cheese is melty and meatballs are cooked through. Garnish with parmesan and basil and serve. The reindeer should have an easier time luggin’ Santa’s ass all over the world this year, because he’s on a diet. That’s according to musician Grey DeLisle. Her holiday tune “Santa’s on a Diet” was created while on a plane home from Nashville right after Thanksgiving. We’ve all put on a few extra pounds during the lockdown, and Santa got even jollier. Enjoy! Hands down we treat our fur babies like family. And if we’re truthful, our dogs and cats are better than a majority of humans. So, it’s no surprise that 41% of families will prepare a special meal just for their “baby” for the holidays. How about this treat for your doggo? Peanut Butter and Pumpkin Dog Treats *recipe courtesy of allrecipes Ingredients: 2 ½ cups whole wheat flour 2 eggs ½ cup canned pumpkin 2 tablespoons peanut butter ½ teaspoon salt ½ teaspoon ground cinnamon Directions: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Whisk together the flour, eggs, pumpkin, peanut butter, salt, and cinnamon in a bowl. Add water as needed to help make the dough workable, but the dough should be dry and stiff. Roll the dough into a 1/2-inch-thick roll. Cut into 1/2-inch pieces. Bake in preheated oven until hard, about 40 minutes. Let’s say you have a house full of people on Christmas morning. They’re going to be hungry. Try this recipe. Oh, and even if you don’t have a gang over—try it anyways. A whole lot of yummy is waiting for you. Eggs Benedict Casserole*recipe courtesy of allrecipes Ingredients: Cooking spray 8 large eggs 2 cups milk 3 green onions, chopped 1 teaspoon onion powder 1 teaspoon salt ¾ pound Canadian bacon, cut into 1/2-inch dice 6 English muffins, cut into 1/2-inch dice ½ teaspoon paprika 1 (.9 ounce) package hollandaise sauce mix 1 cup milk ¼ cup margarine Directions: Spray 9x13-inch baking dish with cooking spray. Whisk eggs, 2 cups milk, green onions, onion powder, and salt together in a large bowl until well mixed. Layer half the Canadian bacon in the prepared baking dish. Spread English muffins over meat and top with remaining Canadian bacon. Pour egg mixture over casserole. Cover baking dish with plastic wrap and refrigerate overnight. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Sprinkle casserole with paprika; cover with aluminum foil. Bake in preheated oven until eggs are nearly set, about 30 minutes; remove foil. Continue baking until eggs are completely set, about 15 more minutes. Whisk hollandaise sauce mix with 1 cup milk in a saucepan. Add margarine and bring to a boil, stirring frequently. Reduce heat to medium-low, simmer, and stir until thickened, about 1 minute. Drizzle sauce over casserole to serve. 'Tis the season to overindulge. In fact, a majority of Americans are saying eff off to healthy habits until the New Year. You know what that means? Party on! While that sounds like a barrel of laughs, it can quickly turn into a barrel of barf. Yup. That dreaded hangover, and all that praying that you’ll “never do this again” if you can just make it through… Well, here are a couple of items that may keep you from sleeping on the bathroom floor. The Friendly Patch Last Call Prevent and relieve the hangover punch with this Milk Thistle Extract, Green Tea Extract, and B-Complex-infused patch. You get essential vitamins, and your liver is protected. Yes, your poor liver that gets abused. The patch will cost you $30. Get it HERE. Practice safe wine-ing in the first place, then no need for a hangover patch. Wine Condoms will help preserve a bottle of wine, and prevent spills. Just open a packet, roll the wine condom over the top of the bottle. Now, you can’t use the excuse that you need to finish the entire bottle so it won’t go bad… Enjoy the holidays with a little help from some friends. P.S. Just don’t drink too much and mix up the wine condom for, well… It’s that time of year when we really treat ourselves. Yes, pie and cookies for breakfast is perfectly acceptable. How about a nice, seasonal adult beverage and seasonal treat? We thought so. Here’s a pairing we think is just as wonderful as Santa and Rudolph. Warm & Fuzzy Ingredients: 8 ounces freshly brewed hot coffee 1 ounce Bailey's Irish Cream 1 ounce nut-flavored liqueur, such as Frangelico Whipped cream and freshly grated nutmeg for garnish Directions: Add the hot, freshly brewed coffee to a mug. Stir in the Baileys and Frangelico. Top with whipped topping and a dash of nutmeg. Yule Log Cake *recipe from Delish Ingredients: For the Cake: Cooking spray 6 large eggs, separated 1/2 c. all-purpose flour 1/4 c. unsweetened cocoa powder 3/4 c. granulated sugar, divided 1/4 tsp. kosher salt Powdered sugar, for sprinkling For the Filling: 1 1/4 c. heavy cream 1/4 c. powdered sugar 2 tsp. gelatin (optional) 1 tsp. pure vanilla extract Pinch kosher salt For the Frosting and Decorating: 1/2 c. (1 stick) butter, softened 1 1/2 c. powdered sugar, plus more for garnish 5 tbsp. cocoa powder 1 tsp. pure vanilla extract 3 tbsp. heavy cream Pinch kosher salt Chocolate curls, for garnish Cranberries, for garnish Small rosemary sprigs, for garnish Directions: Preheat oven to 350°. Line a jelly roll pan with parchment paper and grease with cooking spray. In a medium bowl mix together flour, cocoa powder, and salt. In a large bowl beat egg yolks until thick. Slowly add ½ cup sugar and beat until pale then beat in flour mixture. In another large bowl beat egg whites until soft peaks form. Add remaining ¼ cup sugar a little at a time and continue to beat until stiff peaks form. Gently fold egg whites into batter in two batches. Pour batter into prepared pan and spread into an even layer. Bake until top springs back when lightly pressed, 12 minutes. Dust a clean kitchen towel with powdered sugar and invert warm cake onto towel. Peel off parchment paper. Starting at the short end, use the towel to tightly roll cake into a log. Let cool completely. Make filling: if using gelatin, place 2 tablespoons cold water in a shallow microwave-safe bowl and sprinkle gelatin in an even layer on top. Let bloom for 5 to 10 minutes, then microwave for 10 seconds until gelatin is runny—do not overheat! In a large bowl, beat together heavy cream, powdered sugar, pure vanilla extract, and a pinch of salt, until medium peaks form. If using gelatin, strain and stream into whipped cream at this point while continuing to beat the cream. Refrigerate until ready to use. When cake is cool, unroll and spread filling evenly over cake. Roll cake back into a log, using the towel to help create a tight roll. Place seam side down on a baking sheet and refrigerate until well chilled, 1 hour. Make frosting: In a large bowl beat butter until smooth. Add powdered sugar and cocoa powder and beat until no lumps remain then beat in vanilla, heavy cream, and salt. When ready to serve, trim ends and frost cake with chocolate buttercream. Dust lightly with powdered sugar and top with chocolate curls. Place cranberries and rosemary on log to create mistletoe. We love our cars. Cars are cool. Sadly, though, there’s an unwanted passenger in our cars—Hackers. Technology is great and all, but technology is bad and all, too. Hackers want into your system so they can extract any bit of information they need. Like: who you’re calling, the exact gas station you’re filling-up at, your phone’s photos. And, these hackers can mess with things like your seat position, your speedometer, steering wheel placement. These effers need to get a real job! Here are a few ways to prevent hacking: Limit wireless or remote systems. Don’t program your home address into GPS. Don’t download untrusted apps or use your car’s web browser. Stay on top of vehicle recalls regarding your entertainment system. The Crack Wise way? Put foil around your car. Doesn’t that stop alien attacks, too? It’s a staple during the holiday season—especially for those of us on the non-ambitious side of cooking--Stove Top stuffing. Seriously. Who wants to make some bread stale, then tear it up and do all that cooking voodoo for stuffing when all you need to do here is add boiling water? We have Purdue University alumna Ruth Siems to thank for this godsend. In 1953, the home ec grad was developing Stove Top while working at General Foods. There was a high demand in the U.S. for convenience foods, and this one most def is! So here’s a recipe we like to make with Stove Top when it’s a non-holiday: Swiss Cheese Chicken Stuffing Casserole *recipe courtesy of tastycasseroles.com Ingredients: 1 1/2 Pounds boneless skinless chicken breasts (about 3 or 4 breasts) 2 (8 ounce) boxes Stove Top chicken stuffing 1/2 cup (1 stick) butter (for stuffing) (see tip) 3 cups water (for stuffing) (see tip) 2 (10.5 ounce) cans cream of chicken soup 8 slices (about 1/2 pound) Swiss cheese Instructions: Prepare stuffing mix according to package directions for two boxes (1/2 cup butter and 3 cups water). Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Spray a 13x9x2 inch casserole dish with cooking spray and set aside. Cut chicken pieces into bite size pieces (about 1 inch). Spread chicken out in bottom of casserole dish. Spread cream of chicken soup over raw chicken and evenly spread the Swiss cheese over chicken and soup mixture. Spoon stuffing over mixture and spread over the top. Cover with foil. Bake for 45 minutes. Remove foil and bake an additional 15 minutes or until casserole is bubbly and chicken is cooked through. Wednesday is National Peppermint Bark Day. We know, right? That’s a holiday? Anywho… As a result, there’s “research” that claims that Peppermint Bark is the nation’s favorite holiday treat. We’re calling B.S. on that because, well, the “holiday” designation. While Peppermint Bark is tasty, there are far superior treats too numerous to name. Williams Sonoma (the place we visit for the best housewares porn) is to thank for this supposed Peppermint Bark obsession. In fact, the brand has developed 18 different products for your pleasure. So, gift yourself or others this holiday season. But if you’re super frugal, make your own. Homemade Peppermint Bark*recipe courtesy of spendwithpennies.com Ingredients: 8 ounces dark chocolate chopped into small pieces 8 ounces premium white chocolate chopped into small pieces ½ teaspoon peppermint extract not “mint” extract ⅓ cup crushed candy cane pieces divided Instructions: Line an 8×8 baking pan with wax paper. Set aside. Place chopped dark chocolate in a microwave-safe bowl. Heat for 30 seconds. Remove from microwave and stir well. Return to microwave and heat on 15-second increments (stirring well between each) until chocolate is completely melted. Stir in ¼ teaspoon peppermint extract. Spread melted dark chocolate evenly into the bottom of your prepared baking pan. Set aside (do not refrigerate) and prepare your white chocolate layer. Place your chopped white chocolate in a microwave safe bowl. Heat for 30 seconds. Remove from microwave and stir well. Return to microwave and heat on 15-second increments (stirring well between each) until white chocolate is completely melted. Stir in remaining peppermint extract. Add ¼ cup of crushed candy canes to the white chocolate and gently fold in until evenly distributed. |
AuthorThe cracked Crack Wise Staff-- warriors of the Funformation Movement. Archives
January 2024
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