Eat It Right
Apparently, we’re not doing it well enough. And while this could apply to many things, we just don’t eat the right way. Meaning, “gulp and go” isn’t good for us.
Health and Wellness expert Dr. Julie Gatza has some wise tips for healthy eating. Of course, we share our Crack Wise-dom that’s just as valid, if not professional (or helpful.)
Eat only when you’re hungry:
Many people eat when they're not even hungry. They eat because they think they should eat: its lunchtime. Or, they have to eat because they're on a schedule at work. Forced eating starts early, with our kids. We make them sit down and eat with us. But if we were living in Nature, foraging for our foods, we would eat only when we were hungry.
Crack Wise-dom: But what if we are hungry all the time? What if we have a tapeworm? Should we neglect Walter the Worm? PETA will be up our ass like the worm…
Don't mix food types / Eat foods in the proper order:
It is preferable to eat foods of one type all at the same time. Have meats first, slowly, which will allow the brain to trigger production of the body's strongest digestive enzymes, the proteases. Add a little salad, and after 15 minutes, eat your potato. 20 minutes after the potato is gone, fruits or sugared desserts are okay to eat.
Crack Wise-dom: What in the af? Who has an hour to eat? The proper order is: Lemme shove this food in my mouth, or I’ll eat your arm…
Chew 22 times - including protein drinks:
Many people gulp down those big protein drinks thinking it's a good thing to do, but the reality is it's like swallowing a steak, whole. You have to chew protein, or the signals to the brain won't be there. If you don't chew along the way, you're shocking the system.
Crack Wise-dom: Really? That stuff will be naturally broken down with saliva before the fifth chew. Should I chew my ice cream, too? It’s real attractive when your shake is dribbling from the corners of your mouth because you need to “chew” it.
In summation: She’s the expert. We are not. Chew a lot, or gulp it down. You do you. Wait… maybe we could get a side hustle as an eating coach, to count your chews and slurps for you. Or maybe that’s already happening on OnlyFans…
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The cracked Crack Wise Staff-- warriors of the Funformation Movement.