Scamming Back

I've been in a "letter writing" mood...

There’s a teenie, tiny, part of me that wants to get a brand new laptop and new email address just to eff with scammers that send me junk email. Like this tw&t waffle:

Hello Dear,
I am writing to you based on your last name which is the same as my late client. I am happy to meet you after a very long search that yielded nothing.

A client of mine with the same last name with you died in Malaysia Airlines flight MH17, en route from Amsterdam to Kuala Lumpur, was traveling over conflict-hit Ukraine on 17 July 2014 when it disappeared from radar and as his lawyer, his bank here wants me to provide any of his family members or relative.

Please confirm that you know this man as I have a confidential matter to discuss with you based on his deposit here before he died. Even if you do not know or related to him, we can still work out things here since both of you are sharing the same last name.

I will be happy to hear from you via my private email address for more details.

Thanks,
Bar. Brian Polster
brian.polster@hotmail.com
 
My response:

Hello, Sugar Bear…

I can’t believe there is another human being with the last name Stiffdickey! I’m so saddened to hear that another Stiffdickey ran out of steam. I’m assuming it’s my great-grandfather on my mother’s side 69th removed. Thank you for your dedication in taking five long years to find me.

I am, indeed, related to Peter Stiffdickey The Third. He has a birthmark that looks like a quarter moon on his right buttocks. Gramps used to flash the gals all the time!

I’m not surprised that Petey had some cash. He ran his own cathouse. He said with a name like “Peter Stiffdickey,” it was destiny.

I hope you haven’t touched any other Stiffdickeys. You don’t know what you’re getting into.

Chat with you never,
Aida Stiffdickey

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