Ob-La Di, Oh Bidet

I can honestly say I've never used a bidet. I've never been in a restroom where one is offered. And quite frankly, I wouldn't know how to use it. I understand the basic principle behind this feature. Who doesn't want the cleanest of hineys? But this bidet looks mutha-effin' scary.
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My concern is that this stream of water is going to shoot through the shoot and all the way up and out of my mouth!

Why not call the fire department and have them blast your backside? Because that's what I equate this to.
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I think I'll be passing on this Groupon. By, the way-- I wasn't "looking for this" ever. Plus, thanks to comedian Mike Conley all I can think about is how he's renamed the bidet "water toilet paper."

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