Christmas Miracle?

Not really.

You know how I find gems in my email. Well, this time… I may have found good fortune. Apparently, I have a friend named Mr. Alex Figo. He was kind enough to write me:

Hello Friend
How are you today? I hope you are doing Great.
My Name is Mr Alex Figo from Switzerland, I am writing you due to some
information I have to pass to you I will like you to reply me for details
information.
Thanks and Best Regard

I love the random capitalization from these scamming assclowns. I’m pretty sure I give zero f&cks about any “information” you may need to give me, provided I hand over my bank account.

Meanwhile, this email from another dear “friend” is at least a little more plausible:

Saudi Aramco Crude Oil Company.
P.O. Box 5000. Dhahran 31311,
Dhahran-Saudi Arabia.
Dear Friend,
I have a legit and genuine lucrative business deal to discuss with you.Can i trust you to be a sincere partner to handle the business? For more information reply back.
Mrs. Reem Nasser,
Sales/Marketing Manager
Saudi Aramco Crude Oil Company.

Using the word “legit” makes this totally so. And sincerity? It drips from every sarcastic cell in my body. Of course we can partner. Oh, love your name: “Reem Nasser”. I’m sure you mean “Ream you in the assh&le” because this is totally on the up-and-up. I’ll send you $5,000 for my $7 million. Great ROI!

What sucks is that some grandma probably fell for this. There is nothing worse than a dirty, scum-sucking thief. Instead of some fake fortune, my Christmas fantasy would be to gather all these toolbags, put them in a fenced-in area. And allow me to go Old Testament on them.
​
Ah, yes. Dear Santa….

via GIPHY

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