Oh, if only there were a Keurig for boozers. Drinkworks was the name. "Was" being the operative word here. Such a fantasy brought a tear to our collective eye-- a cocktail K cup filled with a bevy of 5 o'clock fantasies... But Drinkworks got their shot glass handed to them by Bartesian. Which is supposedly the King of the at-home cocktail machines.
For the person that doesn't want to stock their own bar, this might be an option. On-demand cocktails with the push of a button. Insert a cocktail capsule (which contains real juices, bitters, and extracts) to mix with your favorite spirits. Select your desired cocktail strength, from pinky-in-the-air, to eating-a-cheeseburger-off-the-bathroom-floor (that's for you, Hasselhoff). The Bartesian does it's thing and puts a smile on your face.
Oh, there's an auto-clean cycle. Because after a capsule or two, who wants to clean anything up?
Why weren't we gifted one of these for Christmas? Well, the Bartesian sports a nearly $350 price tag. Guess we'll have to barter for a Bartesian...
Can we procure a Bartesian Daddy?
The cracked Crack Wise Staff-- warriors of the Funformation Movement.