Funformation |
|
Funformation |
|
Son of a... pitch. We receive a lot of product pitches in our Crack. Wise. in box. Products that PR firms want us to write about. And we do-- but not for the obvious reasons, like belief in a product. We usually have more questions than answers, and many times we talk about products because we're curious or because something has caught our twisted attention. Case in point: Lay & Stay. NOT what we were thinking. At all. To us the name indicates a Stage 5 Cling-on that you spied through your beer goggles at closing time... But alas, it's a product that stays in place, making your summer time vibes more hassle-free. The Lay & Stay "has the solution with their custom securing stakes and lounge chair bands, making beach days hassle-free and stylish." It boasts: Custom securing stakes keep your towel in place on windy beach days Wide range of towel designs to choose from! Sand-resistant while also being light and compact Lounge chair bands hold your towel in place on loungers and beach chairs Patented design Starting at $ 15 - layandstaybeachtowels .com Cheaper than your after-hours lay and stay without the regret... It's lit! And splashy! Okay. We were pitched a product that we would totally get immersed in-- and literally! The Steel Pro MAX™ 15' x 42" Pool Set with LED Light ($549.99) . "Turn your backyard into the ultimate staycation with Bestway. Light up your summer with this above-ground pool, featuring flashing fun with an industry-first, color-changing and semi-transparent liner. The see-through liner and included LED light will shine bright all summer long. With seven colors, eight modes, three speeds, and five brightness levels, the light-up feature can be completely customized to fit your family's unique personality! A remote control is included, making it easy and convenient to cycle through the modes. The durable pool frame is constructed with superior corrosion-resistant steel to ensure stability and longevity. The ClickConnect System™ of frame connectors makes setting up the pool easy, with no additional tools or accessories needed." What!?!? This pool. Those beverages. And nobody take any videos for the socials... Also available on Amazon, Home Depot, Lowe’s, Macy’s, Overstock, Sam's Club, Target, Walmart, Wayfair, and more. We enjoy summer. We enjoy more sunlight, more ice cream, more grump-less behavior. But we do NOT enjoy the pests of summer, namely, mosquitoes. Seriously, what do these things contribute to the world? We get it: they're food for fish and for birds and bats and frogs. Some are pollinators. But they really suck the blood out of us, literally, and could leave us with disease. So eff off, mosquitoes! Some dude named Damon Frank-- host of the popular YouTube channel “Home Deals with Damon" (we're not cool enough to know who this is) claims to have the "most effective and safe solution" in dealing with these suckers. “Faced with a mosquito nightmare last year, I was determined to find an effective solution for home entertaining that did not rely on harmful insecticides,” said Damon. “My review highlights the product’s compact design, 60-hour protection, and use of botanical oils, underscoring its ease of use, rechargeability, and safety for kids and pets.” Okay, we're intrigued. Do go on... "Instead of relying on traditional synthetic insecticides, Damon explains that with the PIC Portable Mosquito Repellent, families can create a 15-foot zone of repellency using essential oils. This makes it ideal for use around children and pets. The home solution expert also details how the top mosquito repellent is easily rechargeable via its included USB cord and can provide an area of protection against mosquitoes within just 10 minutes." You can snag your bug battle buddy at Walmart, Walmart.com, or Amazon. But what about the poor bastard that has to set this up and risk the bites while saving the family? And, are the mosquitoes hovering outside the 15-foot range ready to feast? That bathroom break may cost you! Thatsa one spicy... watermelon? Kick up the flavor at your 4th of July party (or any time you want) with this. Spicy Watermelon*recipe courtesy of AllRecipes Ingredients: ¼ teaspoon ground cumin ¼ teaspoon ground coriander ¼ teaspoon chili powder ¼ teaspoon salt ⅛ teaspoon cayenne pepper 2 cups cubed seeded watermelon ½ lime, juiced Instructions: Mix cumin, coriander, chili powder, salt, and cayenne pepper together in a bowl. Place watermelon into serving bowls; sprinkle with spice mixture. Squeeze lime juice over spiced watermelon. We suggest doubling or quadrupling to feed a crowd. Unless you only show up with enough food for you and eff everybody else... We try to retain a sliver of professionalism. But even that is challenged on the daily with emails like this: We couldn't get past the opening salvo of "Taco Time for Dad" for Father's day. Because we're certain the only "taco" dad is longing for is not the Old El Paso Tuesday kind. And if he has a house full of kids, he surely isn't receiving enough taco time at all. So, ladies... give Dad (meaning your husband) what he wants, truly, for his special day: an all you can eat buffet. Truly unforgettable. #EverybodyWins Let's be real. Your fur baby is no mere animal. He or she is a major part of the family. Like, better than some human members of your family. So while you're out enjoying all that fun in the sun, your furry friend wants to as well (and by furry friend we mean your pet.) Instead of trying to balance yourself and your doggo on a floatie, get one designed just for him/her. Lazy Dog Loungers are perfect for your fur baby. And yes, it's gonna cost you a pretty penny. But we know you know no limits when it comes to taking care of the four-legged love of your life. Highlights include: Durable fabric and foam resistant to weather, fading, and punctures. A wide, stable, comfortable base that stays afloat even with the most energetic doggy paddlers. A semi-submersible center panel that prevents overheating. An easy-access ramp lets dogs climb on and off their raft at their own pace, encouraging confidence. They can play independently, with supervision. Available in two sizes and three colors. Shop HERE. A cause we can get behind: slappin' The Zuck in his soft, yet wealthy, bun-like face! LevLane Advertising is so over the inequality and bias its receiving on Meta over discrepancies in what it shows for ads to the sheep (us). We've noticed it for quite a while. You can advertise anything involving the male stuff, but the minute you want to address the muffins, well, scandal! Here's the letter/petition LevLane intends on sending M. Z. Dear Mr. Zuckerberg, We represent a diverse group of advertising and marketing executives and women's health advocates writing to you today to draw your attention back to a critical issue that impacts inclusivity of advertising and patient-focused education on your platforms. The Center for Intimacy Justice (CIJ) has been at the forefront of identifying the biases present in the advertising review processes on platforms such as yours — the efforts of which we are sure you are already aware. The CIJ’s research has been instrumental in bringing us to this point. We are writing to further illuminate and address this ongoing yet-to-be-rectified issue. There continues to be a glaring discrepancy in how advertising targeting women’s and men’s sexual health and wellness is reviewed on your platforms. In healthcare marketing and medical affairs education, clear communication can be the difference between safety and harm. Using accurate terms like “vulva,” “vagina” and “Kegel” is essential for women to understand their bodies, know their options and take charge of their health. That is why we advocate for the usage of correct terminology. Despite this, ads promoting women's health products are regularly and permanently rejected, while advertising aimed at men for erectile dysfunction products or solutions to prevent premature ejaculation are readily approved. The censorship not only renders our marketing efforts ineffective and sometimes impossible, but it also perpetuates a harmful narrative that women's health is something to be ashamed of or hidden. Our struggle with these platforms' policies extends beyond a matter of business; it is a fight — which it should never be — for women to see their health concerns addressed openly and accurately. Our message is clear: Women’s health is not obscene. The stark contrast in the treatment of women's versus men's health-related ads suggests a bias that Meta must investigate further and rectify. Please address the discriminatory practices that disproportionately affect ads related to women's health and sexual wellness, starting here: Conduct a Review: Investigate the presence of "algorithmic bias" in the ad review process, especially in how it contributes to the discriminatory treatment of women's health advertisements. Allocate More Resources: Dedicate resources and team members to monitor and ensure that women's health ads are evaluated with the same standards as men's health ads, correcting any discrepancies. Create an Oversight Committee: Form an independent committee of women’s health advocates to oversee the advertising review process, including representatives from women's health advocacy groups, to ensure transparency and accountability. Engage Regularly With Stakeholders: Hold regular consultations with women's health advocates, businesses and other stakeholders to gather feedback and make continuous improvements in the advertising policies and review mechanisms. We would love to host a meeting to discuss how we might rectify these issues and start making a change in the women’s health marketing and advertising space. We believe these actions not only are necessary for promoting fairness and equality on your platforms but also align with Meta's stated commitment to supporting diverse communities and fostering an inclusive digital environment. This could be a turning point — a moment to enable growth, learning and unity in our collective approach to women’s health for Meta. It is within your ability to make this a reality. We ask that you seize this opportunity and stand with women in their pursuit of health. Click here to sign and support our petition to Meta. Media Contact: Lauren Stralo Director, PR For a zone that so many people want to get into, what's the issue? #GoVag When the weather makes you sweat in places you shouldn't, and we don't want to see, you need something refreshing to cool you down. And, if you're a coffee junkie, put the two together for an iced jolt of ahhhhh. The folks at Steeped are here to help. You'll first need to make the concentrate for your beverage. Think of it as the foundation for all that yum. Steeped Iced Coffee Concentrate Ingredients: For each serving, you’ll need: 1 Steeped Coffee Pack 1 10 oz. mug Filtered water Instructions: Heat filtered water to 205 degrees, or just below boiling. Place Steeped Bag at the bottom of the mug. Pour hot water over the Steeped Bag until the mug is half full. Use string to dunk the Steeped Bag 20 to 30 times over 1 minute. Leaving the Steeped Bag in, let the coffee steep for 5 to 7 minutes or more to taste. Remove Steeped Bag. Tips: To serve a crowd, make multiple batches of Concentrate. Store leftover Concentrate in the fridge. Freeze Steeped coffee in ice cube trays. Use coffee cubes instead of regular ice cubes to avoid diluting your beverage. And now... this treat: Steeped Iced Latte Ingredients: Steeped Iced Coffee Concentrate (see above) Milk Cocktail shaker Ice Optional: sweetener or flavored coffee syrup to taste Instructions: Fill cocktail shaker with ice. Add 1-part Steeped Iced Coffee Concentrate and 1 part milk. Sweeten to taste, or replace sugar with flavored coffee syrup to make Vanilla Latte, Caramel Latte, etc. Shake until foamy. Pour into a glass filled with ice. 'Tis the season again. For naked gardening. We can only forsee a plethora of mishaps, bug bites and burned buns at the mere thought. But, whatever floats your (weed) wacker... Not all (pale) parts of our fair land are down (low) with naked gardening, but according to LawnStarter, these are the top five spots to plant your wood in the buff: 1 Miami, FL 2 Philadelphia, PA 3 New York, NY 4 Austin, TX 5 Asheville, NC But(t) why are these cities in the top(less) 5? All have lax laws (or no laws) when it comes to public nudity. Austin and Asheville are also liberal-leaning cities in conservative states. See where your city ranks: ​ ​If you're daring-- go bare! And enjoy your free-trawling for weeds. But please, use sunscreen. And beware of dragging your bag... of fertilizer. ​ Graduation is a time to celebrate accomplishment-- like earning your high school diploma after 6 years, or earning that college degree in Puppetry. Why not throw a tasty party for your grad and their friends? If you're on a budget (and who isn't) here are some tips on making the perfect gathering without going further into debt. Because let's face it, your kid most likely ain't leaving your basement. Ever. Explore the concept of DIY food stations, where guests can customize their meals to their liking. Crack Wisedom: Beware of double-dippers, or finger-lickers who then like to get handsy with all the food... Potluck Style Gatherings: By spreading out the responsibility of providing food among attendees, hosts can significantly reduce costs while offering a diverse spread of culinary delights. Crack Wisedom: But beware the "friend" who brings one bag of chips for a gathering of 20. #cheapass Simple Yet Satisfying Finger Foods: Think savory sliders, veggie platters with homemade dips, and bite-sized desserts that are both affordable and crowd-pleasing. Crack Wisedom: Beware of drunk Uncle Larry. He's known to suck fingers. |
AuthorThe cracked Crack Wise Staff-- warriors of the Funformation Movement. Archives
June 2024
Categories
All
|