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CRACK WISE MAG

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​Explore always-relevant tidbits of funformation in our archives...

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Ripped One

7/15/2019

 
Who doesn’t dig a pair of ripped jeans? Instant, cool, rockstar cred! Men and women have been donning ripped leg coverings forever. We prefer earning ours—you know, from years of wear-and-tear because they’re your favorite pair (and they still fit—bonus!) We scoff at purchasing ripped denim because of the asinine price tag.

Case in point: Socialite’s Kendall High Waist Slim Jean in Sin City. Retail price: $189.
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They look all comfy (we’re becoming fans of high-waisted, cuz muffin tops are only delicious when they’re actual muffins.) They look tres chic with the fringy-stuff on the bottom. But there is no way we’re spending this much on a pair of jeans—unless they magically massage our butt cheeks (don’t judge.)

Here’s an acceptable pair for you ladies, courtesy of Old Navy.
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High rise: check
Ripped: check (in two places!)
Fringe: nope
Price tag: Win!!! On sale for $35.

With the extra money, you can buy a pair of scissors to make the leg fringe, if you desire.
​
Don’t get “ripped” off… yeah, you can slap us for that one.

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On the Prowl

7/10/2019

 
Why should tiger print or zebra print or leopard spots be appropriate only for cougars looking for cubs in some sweaty, Rum Runner-filled EDM-intense environment?

Let these prints out in the daylight for the common women of the world!
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​Actress Jana Kramer was seen wearing this top from Socialite at some event. That got us thinking: “We should wear this, too. Nothing says ‘Rockstar’ like an animal print! We want to feel like rockstars all the time!”

You can snag this top for just $19.97.

We say squeeze into your faux leather pants—actually, black leggings (let’s be real here), throw this top on, and get that swag on as you shop for produce and almond butter at the local market.

And don’t forget the hooker shoes…

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Can You See Me Now

7/8/2019

 
Our problem with eyewear isn’t that we feel old or nerdy. Age is just a number and nerds are cool. What we have a problem with is how damned expensive eyeglasses are! Can you say: it-cost-me-an-arm-and-a-leg-for-the-sake-of-my-eyes?
​

via GIPHY


We’re not the only one feeling the pain in the wallet. Sean McGinley co-founded Empowered Eyewear after he went from store to store with his daughter searching for the perfect frames that fit her style, personality--and price point. She settled for a neutral frame that could co-ordinate with everything. Not fun. Not what she wanted.

Introducing: the interchangeable eyewear frame.

It works with a simple, Lift, Switch, and Click. Swap styles and save more money in the long run—and look on-point. ​
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​The company is offering a BOGO deal, which is making these four eyes weep with joy.

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HEXtasy

7/3/2019

 
There exists one item of clothing that women love. Like, really love. Like, wear-a-lot love.

HEX Perfomance’s commissioned study has uncovered that that item is (cue dramatic music):

Leggings
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Get a leg-up with these stats (see what we did there?):

More than half of women are wearing leggings every...other...day: 55% of women are wearing leggings three or more times a week and that number jumps to 63% when looking at the younger generation (18-24 year olds.)

Are leggings the new jeans?: 40% of women actually own more pairs of leggings than they do jeans – an item once largely a part of our everyday wardrobes.

Leggings aren’t just for the gym: Leggings are versatile + comfortable which means you can wear them virtually anywhere—and women do! From lounging around the house, yoga and HIIT leggings to errands and a night out, women have specific leggings for different occasions. The most popular? Nearly half of respondents (47%) have leggings specifically for lounging around the house -- that's more than specific leggings for yoga/low-intensity workouts (38%). 36% of respondents had leggings for a night out and ¼ of respondents, 25%, even have “office” leggings!

Well, since it’s all about the leggings, HEX wants you to slip inside their leggings. Why? They’re odor eliminating, fabric protected, skin friendly, biodegradable and cruelty free.
​
P.S. Do you mean cruelty-free as in we won’t look like a fat-ass wearing these? Sign us up.

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Tee-d Off

7/1/2019

 
Actor Jeremy Piven is cool. Right? He doesn’t seem like a total d-bag. So, we suppose dudes are likely to follow his fashion cue? Do guys even do that?

The Piv-ster was photogged wearing a cool-looking striped tee from Mercy & Loyal. We’d show you the image, but it’s all copyrighted, blah, blah, blah.

Here’s the shirt:
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FYI: Piven did not have this soft-man look with the floppy hair and the “who farted?” face. He wore his shirt with jeans, and a white cropped denim jacket and gold chain. The later two items are on the wanna-be-Jersey-Shore list, but that’s not the point of this tale.

The point is: this designer shirt is $75. This Italian-imported sweat-catcher is $75!!!

This is a way better option:
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Men—save your money. This tee is also striped. It’s also cool. And Old Navy is selling it for $7! It’s soft-washed! Plus, this guy looks like he knows how to have fun. He looks like he has a job and a gf. The other dude still lives with his parents.

Be the Old Navy-fun-guy-with-a-life and save your money. Then you can buy your own gf.
​
Wha!?!?

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Cruel Price Tag

6/26/2019

 
Hey! You’re old! Cruel Intentions turned 20 this year. And to celebrate the quintessential high school drama of the 90s, designer Ritch Erani NYFC has whipped up quite the shoe collection.

Ritch Erani designed the collection based on the three main characters: Kathryn, Annette, and Cecile. 
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Kathryn is a sexy and dangerous heel with the iconic rosary necklace wrapped around the top closure of the shoe. The word “bitch” is smudged across the strap of the left shoe.
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Annette is a good-girl, cute shoe. Soft and sweet. The bows mimic Annette’s pig tails and innocence. 
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The Cecile is the classic loafer-wearing schoolgirl too young to be playing with fire.

Prices range from $450 to $495.

Apparently, you’ll need rich-bitch money for these shoes. Or you’ll need to become a prostitute to afford them, which is what some of the characters in Cruel Intentions would do if they needed to, so…

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Billie Beauties

6/24/2019

 
It’s all about multiple income streams. That applies to any career. Gone are the days where one can rely on one paycheck to provide a living, a future. That mentality is now just pure foolishness.

That’s why every recording artist has some kind of clothing line or perfume, or whatever. It’s smart, because you can dig the products without necessarily digging the artist.

The newest IT Girl, Billie Eilish, gets it. She launched a pop-up store in NYC ahead of her sold-out shows. 
​

​Where will her next pop-up be? Don’t miss it!

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Bye, Buttons

6/20/2019

 
Buttons are a pain in the backside in general. Yeah, they keep your shirt closed, blah, blah, blah. But for those with arthritis or other conditions that limit mobility, they can be the bane of their existence.

MagnaReady saves the day.

Forget ever buttoning cuffs, collars and shirt fronts. Just slip your arms in the sleeves, and you’re done.
​

MagnaReady shirts are available in long or short sleeves for men, and long sleeves for women. Bonus: these shirts look like any other dress shirt. Same collar and cuffs, same row of little white buttons down the front. But, hidden inside the placket of a MagnaReady shirt are powerful magnets that link together for a secure closure. Oh, snap-ish!

These shirts ain’t messin’ around. They’re wrinkle-free and stain resistant, and machine washable.
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Wear have you been all our lives?

Not sorry for the bad pun.

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Too Fine

6/17/2019

 
We understand the concept that jewelry has value. Because gold and diamonds and gems are commodities. We might own a precious piece or two, but our main jewelry finds are those of the Charming Charlie kind—and we’re proud of it!

But for those with sophisticated tastes, you’ll be happy to hear that celebrity jewelry designer Tara Familglietti has launched a new collection ONDYN. The 30-pieces range from earrings, rings, bracelets, and necklaces and celebrates your sleek elegance. (Definitely doesn’t apply to us!)

The pieces drape like second skin (Hello, Silence of the Lambs), taking shape on the body and “sending diamonds literally in motion.

We’re in motion, alright, from passing out from the price tag. These earrings are the cheapest, at $595.

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There’s no wonder Familglietti is the “jewelry designer to the stars”. They’re the ones with all that “eff you” money.

For us, ONDYN stands for:

Oh No Dude You’re Nuts

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Rock & Ride Collide

6/13/2019

 
This is cool. Harley-Davidson has teamed with Bravado for a special collection of Rolling Stones apparel. The clothing will be sold at Harley-Davidson dealerships worldwide and online.

The limited-offering collection features styles focused on key areas of The Rolling Stones’ music and career stages with a spirit of personal freedom. The collection encompasses 58 styles for men, women and youth. 
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Pick-and-choose from three designer capsules: Modern Mashups, Tour/On the Road, and Bootlegis.

Harley-Davidson gear has always been tres chic. Now, tres chicer.

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