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“Turnabout is fair play” is one of those phrases we liken to “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander”. What we’re trying to say is: “We’re getting you back.” But in this case, it’s a little creepy. If you’re looking for something different to get dad for his day, why not some man undies from Cariloha?  What caught our eye is the image on the left. Of men in their undies. Which we’d like to have delivered to us on Father’s Day for some “call me daddy” time. But we at Crack Wise had Cariloha underwear pitched to us for Father’s Day. We really don’t want to imagine our dad in underwear at any time for any reason. Ever. If you can stay away from that mental dark side, Cariloha men’s under things are pretty cool. Literally. Made of viscose from bamboo, moisture-wicking technology helps keep dad’s “boys” fresh all day. Vurp. They come in nifty prints and schemes, or solids, and are priced from $22 to $28. The turnabout here is that your parents probs bought you underwear for your birthday and now it’s your turn to buy… nope. Still struggling with the thought of gifting dad with drawers knowing it will be some kind of AARP seduction moment around 4 pm. And if those thoughts weren’t bad enough, this: Who had the task of taking a scrotal temp to determine these shorts are cooling? Seriously. With Memorial Day right around the corner as the “unofficial” kick-off to summer, it’s time to think swimwear. Which may be more dreaded this year because of that #Quarantine15. But who cares. This number from Garnet Hill is pretty sweet.  The Playa Ruffle Surplice One-Piece will set you back $139, but most swimwear is outrageous. We’re getting to the point we may wear our underwear instead… Anywho, we dig the fringe because it’s a great distraction tactic to the beach ball that is resting just below… P.S. This swimsuit kind of rocks a Raquel Welsh vibe… like we’re her older, softer sister named Rochelle. The one who ate all the Ho-Hos… Kids are expensive: diapers; food; clothing; education… but aren’t they worth it? And this cute little dress from Posh Peanut just makes us… GAH!  As a kid, we were all about horses, so this would’ve been perfect. And the price is acceptable at $29.25, considering “posh” is in the name. We’re kind of jelly that there isn’t a Posh Coconut, or something like that, for bigger girls. But we did find this:  Love the garment name for this: Glamorous Milkmaid Maxi Dress. Cuz farming needs more glamour… Tie dyeing is all the rage, with people bored from sheltering at home and needing a project, or from people sheltering at home and needing a wardrobe refresher. No wonder Mila Kunis was sporting a cool tie dye sweatshirt from Splendid on a video she shot with her hubs Ashton Kutcher.  Of course, that sweatshirt cost her $148. Uhmmmm… do you know how much grub we could get on DoorDash for $148? Lookie here at these tie dye kits you can get on Amazon:  Yeah, tie dyeing takes some effort… But, you’ve got some time on your hands… Don’t make your co-workers say WTH because your WFH (Work From Home) fashion is, well… hideous. Granted, you don’t need to put on the heels and hose. Or even a bra. But perhaps you could appear as if you showered recently and washed your clothes. Bohme has some super cute styles that can actually transition to life outside your four walls. Prices are decent, in our Crack Wise opinion. Plus, you’ve got some stimulus cash… Brooke Shields has been making hearts flutter for, like, ever… what 70s-era little girl didn’t want to be Brooke in her Calvin Klein Jeans? And what hot-blooded American didn’t want to get her out of those same jeans? Even though she was only 15 at the time, but, whatever... So, when Brooke was snapped wearing these Jen7 7 for All Mankind Slim Jeans, well, day-um!  Photo Credit: Michael Simon Silk and satin are beautiful fabrics. As pieces of clothing? Hell-to-the-no. Why? You need the smoothest, lack-of-lumps body to wear a silk dress. A silk scarf is the only acceptable piece of silk clothing… But kudos to whomever can pull-off and afford this dress from Silk Laundry:  At least it’s discounted to $198.75. Whew! We’ll only have to give up our toilet paper budget for this dress. If you must silky/satin up your life, why not choose this option from Shein (found on Amazon)?  This is at least a sexier choice for a fraction of the price: Starting at $15.99. Both options are dangerous for boob slippage, but at least this one looks dressier than quarantine-y. Quite frankly, when we think “silk clothing” we think napkins at a fancy restaurant for whatever reason. Sunny days require some bomb shades. Sofia Vergara loves her 19-34 Olive Sunglasses with Green Lens.  And she can afford the $145 price tag. While we’d love to have a 1/1,000,000th of her fabulousness, our bank account is equally decimal. So… we found these fashionable affordable alternative aviator glasses.  Ladies are all fierce and fabulous—even on days when we’re rockin’ yoga pants and our hair is in a bun. The warrior is always within. Well, put that warrior on display with the latest collab between Disney and Ruthie Davis—The Mulan Warrior Collection. This collection of footwear embodies the fearless, inner strength of the film's protagonist. "Mulan is my personal favorite Disney character because she is a warrior heroine with a strong sense of honor and spirit. I am inspired by her courage, perseverance and drive. She is a force to be reckoned with and this collection reflects that," said Ruthie Davis, founder. "These sporty, edgy styles armor up women to feel confident as they head out each day to fight for their beliefs and goals." We’ll be battling ourselves just trying to stand upright with the first two pairs. The boots and sneaks—we could rock those—if we had the cash. The lowest price shoe is $398. Our inner warrior just said she’d kick our ass if we dropped that kind of money, so… And we don’t mean the extra pounds. Those are beautifully earned since you incubated a human, you super mom! We’re talking the baby bag that you carry your baby’s stuff in. You could try to channel your inner Eva Longoria with this Riley Versa Oh Baby bag:  If you want to drop $295! Couldn’t you spend that on something better, like diapers? We’re disappointed because we expected more bag for the buck. This thing is just, plain. And boring. Sure, some may say “chic”. But we’re not. Look how adorbs this is. And, it’s seven pieces for $37.50 on Amazon.  Or, if you’re a chic chick—this:  A little fancier. But still saving on the bucks. $38.99 on Amazon. Chic-ching! |
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