If we can cut some corners in life so we can have more time to sit around and do nothing, why not?

You can either view yourself as the ultimate techie, or the ultimate lazy with MasterSous. It’s the 8-in-1 multi-cooker that autonomously stirs your food!
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In fact, you can literally cook dinner from your phone with the accompanying mobile app that remotely adjusts cooking times and controls the automatic stirring mechanism that keeps food in constant motion for even cooking.

Imagine being able to sous vide (a method of treating food by partial cooking followed by vacuum-sealing and chilling), deep fry, simmer, sear, saute, boil, steam, and slow cook from your phone.

Damn!

The app even lets you know when your dinner is done! GuessMasterSous is looking to kick the Instant Pot right in the control panel.

Props to Stew Leonard’s Supermarket in Norwalk, Connecticut. It’s home to the Guinness Book of World Records’ Largest Cheese Statue! The 3,500 pound brick of sharp cheddar is an homage to the chain’s commitment to customer service.

The “Customer Service Rock of Commitment” was made with 4,000 gallons of milk. Over 500 cows helped the cause.

That’s a lot of sore teets, we would imagine—and a lot of milking!

All visitors to the wall of cheese will receive a free grilled cheese made from the record-setter.

What!?!?

That’s awesome. We’d also like the chance to just walk up to it and take a bite.
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Chef Battle is a national cooking competition tournament series produced by Social Power Hour. Well, they think they know sumthin’-sumthin’ about food. Pffft. After surveying over 500 chefs from across the U.S., these are the predicted food trends of 2019:

Fermentation
Plant-based foods
Watercress
Seafood
Allergen Safe foods

Yummy. Not really. We’re down with some fried shrimp, but watercress? Vurp. Just another green thing that will make us poop.

After our own research, Crack Wise has made these food predictions for 2019:

Oreo will say “eff-you” to the cookie part and just give us a bag full of the crème!

Move over “tot-chos”. Make way for all things waffle fries. We’ll dip ‘em in salsa, queso, mayo, whatever!

HotBrats: a hybrid meat consisting of hotdogs and bratwurst!
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Olive love. Pickles have had their time in the sun. Let’s deep fry some olives, make olive pizza, drink olive juice…
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If you can’t go to Italy, then bring Italy home to you!

Tuscanini Foods is all excited about its new lineup of gourmet foods that will help you create an authentic Italian dining experience. You mean Olive Garden isn’t authentic Italian? I thought their chefs went to some chef-y school in Tuscan? 
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The array of products, from naturally sparkling cold-pressed beverages to bronze-cut Italian pasta, allow home chefs to cook-up original homemade gourmet Italian favorites. All of Tuscanini's products meet the highest standards of quality, craftsmanship and gourmet cuisine.

Good. Because we want to be totally bougie when we’re binge-watching My 600 lb Life while binge-eating some cold pasta.

Try out this recipe, courtesy of Tuscanini and Kosher.com.
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Ingredients:
3-4 tablespoons olive oil
2 pounds fingerling or small Yukon gold potatoes, skin on, scrubbed
6 shallots, peeled
3-4 fresh sprigs thyme (leaves only)
2 tablespoons Tuscanini Balsamic Glaze, plus more for drizzling
Kosher salt
Freshly ground black pepper, to taste

Instructions:
Preheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Toss the olive oil with the shallots and potatoes and place on a large cooking sheet or baking pan. Sprinkle the fresh thyme over the potatoes and drizzle the balsamic glaze over as well. Toss again to coat. Sprinkle with salt and pepper and bake uncovered for 40 minutes. Halfway through cooking toss the potatoes to ensure even browning. Bake until for tender and crispy golden brown. Remove from oven and sprinkle with a dash more salt and pepper and drizzle with balsamic glaze as desired. Serve hot.

As one approaches middle age, one may feel the need for a makeover. The same is true for brands. With that in mind, Sour Punch Candy has unveiled a brighter, more modern look.
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The brand also has a new message: “Embrace Your Punch”.

It’s a message of self-love and “appreciating the differences in others with the goal of encouraging mutual respect and spreading kindness to make a difference in people’s lives.”

Damn. That’s a lot from a bag of candy.

Too bad we’re not into the whole sour-candy-thing. The only sour we like is sour cream and sweet-n-sour pork. We do like embracing a punch. Because we have a lot of pent-up angst. Oh if it were only legal to punch people that aggravate us. Maybe we can throw them some Sour Punch Candy and call it even?
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Pinkies up, beyotches! Time to get your tea swag goin’. It’s National Tea Month, so it’s time to celebrate the world’s second-most consumed beverage behind water.

Not only is tea yummy with honey (or whiskey), but it has a cupful of health benefits. See what we did there?
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​The Tea Association of the USA is, obviously, in love with tea because it’s so darned awesome!

Take Tea to Heart: Tea may promote overall heart health. Research has shown that tea drinkers have significantly lower levels of total cholesterol and LDL (bad cholesterol) and higher levels of HDL (good cholesterol).

Support Weight Goals: Tea consumption is associated with lower weight and waist circumference. Tea contains no sodium, fat, carbonation or sugar and is virtually calorie free.

Strengthen Memory and Concentration: Bioactive components of tea like
L-theanine and EGCG have been shown to enhance brain function. Green tea consumption can help to ward off dementia later in life.

Stress less: Green tea consumption may be related to reductions in anxiety thanks to bioactive components L-theanine and catechins like EGCG. Tea contains less than half the caffeine of an equal-sized serving of coffee, but enough to provide cognitive benefits.

Guess we need to invite more tea into our lives. But we’re thinking that eating a bunch of pastries with said tea would negate all that good stuff. Sigh. There’s always a down side...

Ingredients:
2 cups water, filtered
15 mint leaves, fresh (peppermint or spearmint)
Optional: 2 teaspoons sugar (or honey), ice, lemon slices, lemon juice

Directions:
Gather the ingredients; Bring the water to a rolling boil. Remove from heat and add the mint leaves. Steep for 3-to-5 minutes, depending on the strength. Add optional sweetener as desired. ​If serving iced, fill tall glasses with ice and pour the tea over. If serving hot, pour the tea into mugs. Garnish with optional lemon slices and/or lemon juice to taste.

Yup. Bagel in-yo-face! No need to shun bagels if your goal for 2019 is to get your butt to not look like two giant bagels.
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Einsten Bros. Bagels is all tootin’-their-horn with their protein-filled bagels. Their “Power of the Bagel” campaign is happy to share with the world that some of their bagels contain nine-to-17 grams of protein each—which is more protein than or equal to one large egg, three slices of turkey, one cup of two-percent milk, or two tablespoons of creamy peanut butter.

Yes!

Here’s the skinny:
Plain Bagel and Everything Bagel: 9 grams of protein

100% Whole Wheat Bagel: 10 grams of protein

Ancient Grain Bagel: 11 grams of protein

And more!

“Our Chocolate Chip Bagel has 9 grams of protein, the same as a Chocolate Chip Clif Bar, a leading energy bar,” said Tyler Ricks, President of Einstein Bros. Bagels. “Whether guests are looking for energy to power through their day or to fuel their workout, our bagels are a wholesome choice that don’t compromise taste.”

Now, don’t go all schmear-happy. That’s definitely not healthier-for-you choice. Or perhaps not these, either. Though they look so tasty:

​Too bad the Einstein folks didn’t actually give us any pictures of the bagels they’re trying to promote. Hhhmmm….

We thought the holidays were over. No, no, no! Every damn day is a holiday. For example, January 16th is National Quinoa Day.

Yay?

We like quinoa. It’s yummy—if prepared correctly.

Ancient Harvest is one of the leading U.S. quinoa brands. And God bless ‘em, they want to educate us on all-things quinoa. They asked the questions. Crack Wise answered them.

Where is quinoa from? Kenya.

How is it grown? Carefully.

Why do quinoa seeds have that bitter saponin coating? To protect them from the White Walkers.

When and how did quinoa arrive in the U.S.? On Delta Flight 586.

What’s the ultimate quinoa comfort food from its country of origin? Goat and quinoa quesadillas.

Our observations:
Quinoa sounds like a sex position.

WTH is it spelled this way and pronounced keen-wah?

Whatevs. Here’s a quinoa recipe to celebrate the day.​

Ingredients:
½ cup Ancient Harvest Quinoa Flour
½ cup Ancient Harvest Quinoa Flakes
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
½ tsp salt
2 tbsp honey or agave nectar
2 very ripe bananas
2 eggs
Optional: ½ cup chopped walnuts or chocolate chips

Directions:
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Mix all dry ingredients in a medium mixing bowl. In separate medium bowl, mix together bananas, eggs and honey, add to dry ingredients. Unlike muffins with wheat flour, do not worry about over-mixing the wet and dry ingredients. If using walnuts or chocolate chips, stir in. Pour batter halfway up each muffin cup in a greased muffin tin. Bake 20-25 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean.

Notes:
For banana bread, pour batter into a greased loaf pan and bake approximately 40 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean. For waffle batter, add 3 tablespoons vegetable oil or melted virgin coconut oil and ½ cup mile or until desired consistency.
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A new year brings new cocktails. If you care about fitting in while getting buzzed, here’s the what’s-what for 2019. 

According to a survey from the National Restaurant Association’s What’s Hot survey, craft, artisan, and locally produced beverages like wines and spirits are gonna be tops. But that’s not all: craft coffees and sodas for the non-boozers will be the go-to beverage.

"At restaurants and other foodservice operations today, beverages, including wines, spirits, beers, and nonalcoholic drinks are big traffic drivers,” said Hudson Riehle, the Association’s senior vice president of research. “Offering craft liquors, wines, and other beverages, allows restaurants to distinguish their drink programs from their competitors. At the same time, putting a more local, sustainable spin on beverages is particularly appealing to millennials, who, in general, are more apt to support smaller, different, more socially responsible businesses and products.”

Guess we’ll just have to sample one of each. Don’t want to bring any FOMO mojo into 2019!
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Today is New Year’s Day… and—Bloody Mary Day!
Invented in the early 1900s, the quintessential veggie cocktail has been known to cureth the hangover-eth. 
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Keep that cure-a-hangover thing in mind if you’re antsy for a trip out West. Our buds at Hash Kitchen in Arizona is the home to the biggest Bloody Mary Bar in the state.

That’s a lot of red. Or a lot of drunk folk. And with that desert heat, one needs refreshed.

They boast quite the impressive variety of infused in-house vodkas like: cucumber, jalapeno, pickle pepper, and cilantro lime. And this: 60 toppers! Think pickled eggs, fried ravioli, salami, bacon, sausage, etc…

It’s a foodie’s dream come true!

If Hash's drink is too much for you to wrap your head around, here's a more simple, yet effective recipe.
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Ingredients:
6 ounces vodka
3 cups tomato juice
6 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1 1/2 teaspoons horseradish
1 1/2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/4 teaspoon Tabasco
6 lemon wedges

How to Make It:
In a pitcher, mix together the vodka, tomato juice, lemon juice, horseradish, Worcestershire sauce, salt, pepper, and Tabasco. Serve over ice in a tall glass with a lemon wedge.
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