Tastes Like Love

Feed the beast and spank that beast into action on Valentine's Day with a "love diet" filled with proven aphrodisiac foods. There really are foods that possess chemical properties that could increase pheromones and heighten our desires for some down-under lovin'. This is according to Board Certified NYC Internist and Gastroenterologist Dr. Niket Sonpal. We wonder if these foods are in his diet. Meow...
 
Top Aphrodisiac Delicacies:

Oysters:
One of the most infamous aphrodisiacs, as their appearance mimics the labial folds of a vagina; oysters are high in zinc and have a reputation for being great for love and fertility. Researchers found that oysters contain amino acids that trigger the production of sex hormones. 

Crack Wise: Whoa! Watch your filthy mouth. We don't want to get sand in our crack to see if we can make a damn pearl...

Pistachios:
They have many health benefits as they contain protein and fiber. Nevertheless, they also help to reduce symptoms of erectile dysfunction. This could be due to the fact that pistachios lower cholesterol and stimulate blood flow throughout the body.

Crack Wise: So... nuts for nuts. We get it.

Chai Tea:
The typical spices in this brew include ginger, cloves, and cinnamon, all come from exotic places and certainly will get the blood flowing, and it has almost no caffeine so the stimulant effect is less than coffee.

Crack Wise: We start most mornings with Chai. Alone. But we've never Divinyls-ed ourselves.

Red Wine:
Red wine will be sure to leave you feeling less awkward and aroused. The scent alone has been proven to get people in the mood. It is proven that wine decreases inflammation and gets your blood pumping.

Crack Wise: Sniffing it? All we can think of is that scene from A Fish Called Wanda where Kevin Kline gets a good whiff of Jamie Lee Curtis' boots, and then...

Avocado:
High levels of folic acid, vitamin B9, and B6 all provide your body with energy and even help to increase testosterone production. Food has been used throughout time to work as a way to increase sexual arousal.

Crack Wise: But millenials aren't having sex, so... is the toast part 'cado-blocking?​ ​
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​More from Dr. Sonpal…

For something to be considered an aphrodisiac, it would need to be:

Consumed orally.
Crack Wise: Isn't that the end goal? Oh... you mean something else.

Reliably increase libido or sexual desire (no placebo effect).
Crack Wise: But a placebo effect makes me think whatever, so if happy-naked-time happens every time I eat Doritos, wouldn't Doritos be an aphrodisiac because in my mind it is? Who doesn't want a happy trail of Cool Ranch crumbs down their happy trail?

Take effect relatively immediately.
Crack Wise: This could be a lot of fun especially if you "aphrodisiac" someone's meal. Like Uncle Larry's. Watch him hump the neighbor's dog!

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