It’s almost fancy hats and mint juleps time! (aka: Kentucky Derby) It’s a time for people to put a bougie spin on getting’ crunk and pretending to know anything about horse racing.

Our buds at WalletHub did a little report 2019’s Most Gambling-Addicted States along with some Kentucky Derby Facts & History. It’s a one-two punch to your wallet!

Nevada is the most gambling-addicted state. Duh. Followed by South Dakota, Montana, Mississippi, and Oklahoma. On the opposite side of the coin, Utah is the least into gambling. We suspect they’re the least into anything—except multiple wives. Most likely why there’s no extra money to gamble…

Meanwhile, dust off your fancy hat and brush-up on this Kentucky Derby stuff. You’ll be the smart drunk at the party!
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You may have screamed this phrase meant to calm—just like Frank Costanza did in Seinfeld—yet, it had the opposite effect. Just like in Seinfeld. Well back then, there weren’t nearly as many spam calls and junk e-mails mucking-up our lives.

Spam call blocking service YouMail found that 2.5 billion robocalls blew up our phones in April alone. And April ain’t even over. Billions of B.S. calls! And spam emails? 14.5 billion messages globally every day. Damn!

So how do we cope? Clinical Forensic Psychologist Dr. John Huber has these tips... followed by our “tips.”

Don’t engage
Some individuals who receive unsolicited email or calls may choose to unleash a series of cursive epitaphs that would even make Ralphie from “A Christmas Story” wince. Some may say that this emotional release is healthy but, it will likely cause you more harm than good. Choosing to allow another to anger you is disempowering and when you are angry, decisions based on emotion can override those based on logic. Simply don’t engage these calls.

Crack Wise says: F&ck that. F%ck with those nasty cretins. Our favorite line to drop on a bogus caller: (in a panicked voice)  “I was expecting a real call from my doctor to let me know if I have herpes or not. Get off the phone!”

Change Your Ringtone
Individuals can have their mental state immediately changed by what they see, touch, or hear. Certain forms of stimuli can cause us to remember periods of peace or pain associated with them. Instead of allowing a spam caller to get the best of you, get the best of them by putting a special, empowering ringtone for blocked / unfamiliar numbers. This ring tone should be something that makes you smile & happy.

Crack Wise says: Agreed. The sound of machine gun fire or a funeral dirge should do it. We used the funeral dirge for our ex…

Don’t take spam calls & e-mails personally
Unless the call or junk e-mail cites specific details about your life that you wouldn’t want the general public to know about – don’t take it personally. You weren’t selected for a spam call or e-mail for any other reason besides the hope that you would fall prey to whatever scam the caller / e-mailer is peddling. 

Crack Wise says: Who really feels this way? We know it’s not personal. But we’d like to rip their nuts off anyways. Serenity now!
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​Why is it that everything that’s good for you costs so damned much?

Every Kid Healthy Week kicks off today, and children’s health care costs are getting more and more expensive. WalletHub just released its report on 2019’s Best & Worst States for Children’s Health Care.

WalletHub compared the 50 states and the District of Columbia across 33 metrics. The data set ranges from share of children aged 0 to 17 in excellent or very good health to pediatricians and family doctors per capita.

Massachusetts has the lowest share of uninsured children aged 0 to 19, 1.40 percent, which is 7.9 times lower than in Texas, the highest at 11.00 percent.

Hawaii has the lowest share of children aged 0 to 17 with unaffordable medical bills, 3.10 percent, which is 6.2 times lower than in Wyoming, the highest at 19.10 percent.

The District of Columbia has the most pediatricians per 100,000 residents, 44.62, which is 24.8 times more than in Oklahoma, the fewest at 1.80.

Minnesota has the lowest share of obese children aged 10 to 17, 7.60 percent, which is 3.4 times lower than in Mississippi, the highest at 26.00 percent.
Where does your state rank? 
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​Maybe we need to win the lottery just to stay alive, right?

Assh&les. They’re everywhere. And they can make the workplace a very challenging place to spend eight hours. Unfortunately, it’s against the law to bitch-slap someone who desperately needs it. What to do?

Warble.

​Warble is a website where you can submit a grievance directly to your manager. Once enough people submit warbles about a specific offender, that individual’s boss receives a notification to alert them that there’s an issue that needs their attention.

Carolyn Holiday founded Warble after living her own personal hell.

“In my wildest dreams, I never imagined that I would abandon a stable and relatively happy life to go all in on trying to launch a (somewhat) disruptive start up to combat harmful work behavior. That is, until my own encounter with a particularly toxic boss,” said Holiday. “After going through my share of sleepless nights, spontaneous workday trips to the ladies room so I could frustration-cry in private, a deep emotional disengagement from work, and the development of chronic reflux disease, I could no longer nod at this obvious issue from a distance. I wanted to challenge it and see how I could take what I learned and find a solution that would save other people and companies from the damage toxic behavior brings.

Warble users can report on over 70+ of the most common disruptive work behaviors, including:

Sexual harassment
Discrimination/targeting
Fraud
Bad attitude
Incompetence
Poor management skills
Unethical Behavior
Violence

Hey, whatever "friend" you can have on your side matters. Trust us. We could’ve used this service.

Question: What if the offending asshat is the manager? Warble 2.0?
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Ah, Vegas. The lights. The entertainment. The food and drink. We’ve had the pleasure of enjoying what Sin City has to offer. But we did not have the chance to experience The Colosseum at Caesars Palace.

Glad we waited, because that old dog is getting a face lift! Instead of a blow-blow re-hashing of what they’re going to do, just watch this video. It’s pretty epic in presentation:
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The Colosseum renovation is set to begin after the final dates of Reba, Brooks & Dunn on July 6 and is slated to reopen again in early fall.
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Now, we’ll have to see it!

We’re almost halfway through Stress Awareness Month. Are you freaked out!?!? Take a deep, calming breath and chill…

With millennials reporting the most stress of any generation, WalletHub did its own research using 40 key metrics including average hours worked per week to personal bankruptcy rate, and number of hours of sleep to determine the most stressed states.

The most stressed state is Louisiana, followed by Mississippi, Arkansas, Kentucky and West Virginia. Minnesota is the lease-stressed state. Maybe because you’re too cold to care…
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Further proof that adulting sucks. 
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We def need to play more. When we’re not working two jobs. Thank goodness for alcohol (in moderation, of course.)

Shake that moneymaker and feel better!

A recent study by UC Berkeley reveals that dancing releases the neurochemicals essential for mental health, known as D.O.S.E. (Isn’t that clever?)—dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins. 

According to the Greater Good Science Center:

“The special combination of hearing reasonably loud, well-liked music, coordinating our bodies to move with the rhythm of the music, and synchronizing our music-infused movements with other people in close proximity—like a dance party—uniquely benefits health and happiness.

So, dancing like Elaine from Seinfeld ain’t so bad after all?
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Let’s get this straight. Dancing helps improve motor function skills, prevents depression and slows brain aging? 
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Radha Agrwal is co-founder of the global dance movement Daybreaker, which curates sober dance parties for stressed out college students, celebrities, Fortune 500 CEOs and disadvantaged school children.

These are how the parties work:
Get up early

Yoga Pregame or heart-pumping workout for an hour

Epic dance party for two hours with epic surprises

Free beverages and bites—no booze!

Secret concert from local artists

Set intentions

Sounds so… millennial. Three hours of… working out? With others?

We prefer to open a bottle of Riuniti, crank up some Lady Gaga on the sound system, and dance around in our underwear. We’re sure some chemicals are released with our method, and we’re much happier.
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But if you’re a stressed out college kid, don’t go on a bender. Just dance it out, at a glam, organized event. Avocados not included.
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The number three seems to hold significance in the dating world. The magic number “3” is when you dim the lights, drop your drawers, and sweat-up the sheets!

April Kirkwood is a certified Licensed Professional Counselor and author of the book, “Working My Way Back to Me”. She offers up some tips, guys, so that you don’t blow it before you get blo… you know what we mean. Oh, and Crack Wise has some good advice, too.

Be: Warm
Not: Pathetic
Avoid too many photos of yourself, your dog, and you and your mother. Too much of a good thing is a sign of emotional weakness. Come off warm and affectionate, but not self-absorbed, starved for attention, or attached to mom’s apron.

Tip: One picture of you holding your baby niece says volumes. It taps into her dreams of the future without you ever having to say a thing. Do this and know you just made a home run straight to her heart.

Crack Wise 2 “sense”: Displaying multiple photos of you and your multiple babies (with multiple women) ain’t cute. Nobody wants to bang Shawn Kemp.

Be: Simple:
Not: Excessive
Take your classy mannerisms and remember those very same fashion rules apply to your bedroom as well.  The rule of dressing well is that ‘less is more’ and too many accessories can ruin an outfit. Do not have too many candles, heavy cologne, or pillows strewn everywhere. One or two nice pieces of art work should replace those college posters. Put away toys of all kinds. She doesn’t need a little brother; she desires a mate. Keep the color palette neutral with just a hint of color. An example might be having earth tones on the bed with an accent pillow that is burgundy or navy. 

Tip: A woman wants to feel special, one of a kind, not one of many. Your behavior is more charming especially if you hint that you don’t have a lot of women over.

Crack Wise 2 “sense”: Keeping panties as souvenirs is not sweet. You’re not a broke-down Victoria’s Secret. You're. Not.

Be: Neat
Not: Freak
She doesn’t need a maid. She needs a man. Your bedroom doesn’t have to be hospital clean. Dust, clean sheets, vacuum the floors, empty garbage cans, and keep your clothes in the closet.

Tip: If you’re a neat freak, she will never want you to see her place.  She’s normal and will most comfortable if you mirror her not challenge her. This isn’t a contest.  Love is a sense of connectedness that seals the deal.

Crack Wise 2 “sense”: Don’t utter “It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.” Smooth skin is nice. A smooth skin dress is creepy.

Be: Subtle
Not: Savage
Keep the lights on; offer wine as well as other beverages, and don’t have Barry White playing in the background. She’s not to be considered a sure thing; even if she is.

Tip: There’s a thin line between being sexy and being aggressive.  Too much too soon scares women away. Foreplay should be slow and bring things to a boil.  Slow and easy does it all the time.

Crack Wise 2 “sense”: Don’t offer to play the game “Hide the Sausage” and then grab your crotchal region. She might rip off your sausage and slap you with it.

The pastels of Easter. So pretty and fresh. The Easter bunny is all kinds of adorbs. And who doesn’t get all mushy over a little cutie in a bonnet and Sunday-best dress?

Apparently, not everybody gives two eggs about the sweetness of Easter. Perhaps, you’re a bit edgier. No judgement here. You’re the perfect candidate for the Hoppa (Icelandic for “rabbit”) candle. As it burns, it reveals its true identity.
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​So, if you want to tell the Easter bunny to eff off—this is your chance. Happy Spring!