Deal or No Feel

The number three seems to hold significance in the dating world. The magic number “3” is when you dim the lights, drop your drawers, and sweat-up the sheets!

April Kirkwood is a certified Licensed Professional Counselor and author of the book, “Working My Way Back to Me”. She offers up some tips, guys, so that you don’t blow it before you get blo… you know what we mean. Oh, and Crack Wise has some good advice, too.

​How to Avoid Deal Breakers in the Bedroom:

Be: Warm
Not: Pathetic
Avoid too many photos of yourself, your dog, and you and your mother. Too much of a good thing is a sign of emotional weakness. Come off warm and affectionate, but not self-absorbed, starved for attention, or attached to mom’s apron.

Tip: One picture of you holding your baby niece says volumes. It taps into her dreams of the future without you ever having to say a thing. Do this and know you just made a home run straight to her heart.

Crack Wise 2 “sense”: Displaying multiple photos of you and your multiple babies (with multiple women) ain’t cute. Nobody wants to bang Shawn Kemp.

Be: Simple:
Not: Excessive
Take your classy mannerisms and remember those very same fashion rules apply to your bedroom as well.  The rule of dressing well is that ‘less is more’ and too many accessories can ruin an outfit. Do not have too many candles, heavy cologne, or pillows strewn everywhere. One or two nice pieces of art work should replace those college posters. Put away toys of all kinds. She doesn’t need a little brother; she desires a mate. Keep the color palette neutral with just a hint of color. An example might be having earth tones on the bed with an accent pillow that is burgundy or navy. 

Tip: A woman wants to feel special, one of a kind, not one of many. Your behavior is more charming especially if you hint that you don’t have a lot of women over.

Crack Wise 2 “sense”: Keeping panties as souvenirs is not sweet. You’re not a broke-down Victoria’s Secret. You're. Not.

Be: Neat
Not: Freak
She doesn’t need a maid. She needs a man. Your bedroom doesn’t have to be hospital clean. Dust, clean sheets, vacuum the floors, empty garbage cans, and keep your clothes in the closet.

Tip: If you’re a neat freak, she will never want you to see her place.  She’s normal and will most comfortable if you mirror her not challenge her. This isn’t a contest.  Love is a sense of connectedness that seals the deal.

Crack Wise 2 “sense”: Don’t utter “It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.” Smooth skin is nice. A smooth skin dress is creepy.

Be: Subtle
Not: Savage
Keep the lights on; offer wine as well as other beverages, and don’t have Barry White playing in the background. She’s not to be considered a sure thing; even if she is.

Tip: There’s a thin line between being sexy and being aggressive.  Too much too soon scares women away. Foreplay should be slow and bring things to a boil.  Slow and easy does it all the time.

Crack Wise 2 “sense”: Don’t offer to play the game “Hide the Sausage” and then grab your crotchal region. She might rip off your sausage and slap you with it.

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