We’re raising our hands here with a touch of shame. After blasting the mere thought of wasting precious moments watching reality TV, we fell down the rabbit hole. We enjoy reality TV. Why? Because it’s mindless television. No need to pay attention to plot twists. Most “plots” involve:

Beautiful People + rumors = cat fights

We enjoy the Bravo show Vanderpump Rules. If we were decades younger with a tighter bod, we’d definitely want to live this life of who-gives-a-sh*t. Plus, a five-figure pay day per episode ain’t bad.

The goddess herself, Lisa Vanderpump, is set to debut Vanderpump Cocktail Garden at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas.

We need a ticket, stat!
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“I have always loved Las Vegas --it has always been a dream of mine to see our brand in lights at the iconic Caesars Palace,” said Lisa. “Vanderpump Cocktail Garden will combine the sexy atmosphere of our other establishments injected with the Vegas energy that brings millions of guests who visit year after year.”

Vanderpump Cocktail Garden will feature an indoor patio to welcome arriving guests who will then enjoy a fresco-style garden with towering trees and romantic lighting. Seating inside will feature Vanderpump’s favorite color—pink—with contrasting “masculine” details. Hope that doesn’t mean hanging schlongs…

Guests will nibble on small bites while enjoying craft cocktails and Vanderpump Sangria.
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We dream of possessing just a fraction of Lisa’s fabulosity… Maybe if we visit the new hot spot, we can absorb it through osmosis...

If your 2019 is starting to look like your 2018, then let the AstroTwins Planetary Planner help turn that assh&le mojo around!

Learn how to consciously direct your energy and make the most of your time, attention, and resources based on your individual zodiac sign and discover exclusive details on your love life, career, health, and relationships. 
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You lost us at “pockets” because we started to fantasize about eating some nasty Hot Pockets, then taking a nap…

We’re all down with innovation. But this? The jury is out. Instead of creating a pile out of greeting cards, save-the-dates, pictures, etc… why not display them instead?

Itzastand is a paper stand that attaches to the back of any small flat object (Hee hee. The small flat objects floating through our mind…)
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The stands are reusable-- so you can stick and unstick, display and undisplay at-will.

Don’t we do that already?

Get a five-pack of stands for under $5, or buy 40 and get them for $19.99.

If something is that important for us to display, we’d get something a bit fancier and more… permanent. Now, you’ve given us something else to throw away in a life-rage moment when we’re feeling like a slovenly hoarder.
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But if you dig Itzastand, by all means, stand away…

Maybe you’re a trend-setter. Maybe you’ve got zero effs to give. Or maybe you think reverse psychology works. Whatever the dealio, you may want to set aside any resolutions and just sin the year away!

Our buds at WalletHub have done their research thing. Americans are the fattest people in the world and that costs us $325 billion as a result. Damn! Plus, Americans began 2018 with over $1 trillion in credit card debt.

So, The Hub has compiled its list of 2019’s Most Sinful Cities. The results are based on anger and hatred, jealousy, excesses and vices, greed, lust, vanity, and laziness.

Is it a surprise that Las Vegas is the Most Sinful? Any place where you can find the streets littered with baseball trading cards of hookers, well…

Los Angeles is second, followed by New York.

Duly noted: places where we could be struck by lightning. Or fire and brimstone.

Check out where your city ranks. Congrats?
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Is it protocol for women to wear fancy hats to all horse races? Because we want to see some fabulocity at the Pegasus Word Cup horse race event on January 26th. We won’t see it in person. One, because we’re not cool enough to be there. Two, because we’re not sure how we feel about horse racing for entertainment. And three, because we don’t have the funds to travel to Hallandale Beach, Florida. We can just watch the action on NBC.

Anywho, Snoop Dogg and Mark Ronson will be performing at the event which features top-notch food and entertainment provided by The Stronach Group and Groot Hospitality. Tickets are $75.

The Pegasus World Cup Championship Invitational Series will offer the richest prize in North American Thoroughbred racing with a $16 million purse split between two Grade 1 stakes races. The Pegasus World Cup Turf Invitational (G1), to be run on the turf at 1 3/16 miles, will offer a $7 million purse with $3 million awaiting the winner. The Pegasus World Cup Invitational (G1), contested at 1 1/8 mile on the dirt, will offer a $9 million purse with a $4 million prize awarded to the winner of the twelve-horse field. 

Whatevs. We just want to know if Gin & Juice will be served.

Also, we can’t get past “Groot”. Because to us, this is Groot:
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We love people. And how they jump on the bandwagon. The latest social media thang is the “Birdbox Challenge” which involves people doing all kinds of stupid things, blindfolded.

The Milleridge Inn in Jericho, Long Island, has decided to profit from the phenomenon with its own Bird Box challenge. On January 11th at 6 pm, patrons will enter a post-apocalyptic scene (in the restaurant) and must remain silent. And for the love of sweet baby Jesus—they cannot take off their blindfolds!

Birds will be chirping, and the sounds of rushing water will be played in the dining room while customers eat their meals without seeing what’s on their plates. If you finish your meal blindfolded, you’ll be allowed to take it off (the blindfold) and enter the “birdhouse” where you can chill and listen to the soundtrack from the movie.

Uhm… we’re already klutzy enough eating with sight! Like, forks dropping’; crumbs on our chests; spilled drinks. Now, you want us to potentially do all of that and look like a one-year-old trying to feed themselves? There’d better be a bib. Also, this food better not need any kind of cutting, cuz that’s a disaster waiting to happen.

Better have a waiver for patrons to sign. 

If you love Britney Spears and you dig the circus, well, you’re gonna lose your shizz over:

Derrick Barry Presents Britney’s Circus: The 10th Anniversary

On Sunday, January 26th, the Mirror Room at the Lincoln Center will host a “myriad of exciting performances from Tony nominated performers, pop culture and notables.” One of them is this Britney-thang.
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Ru Paul’s Drag Race star and the ultimate Britney impersonator derrickbarrybritneycircus.brownpapertickets.com/will be paying homage to the iconic popster at the OG big top. Derrick will take over Lincoln Center to mark the ten-year release, and anniversary of Britney performing with the Big Apple Circus ensemble. Guests can party with Derrick as she serves as Guest Ring Master as well as partake in a meet ‘n’ green at the Mirror Room, with a Britney heavy playlist courtesy of DJ Ty Sunderland.

Ready for a Brit Brit overdose? Of course you are! And probably no animal-poop-smell to knock you out. 

This is your year! At least you feel that way when it starts. You’re living off that optimistic high. Then…

You can help your chances of turning those goals into reality, but you’ve got to put that mindfulness in.

Dr. Alok Trivedi is a human behavior and psychological performance expert and founder of Aligned Performance Institute. He also work the book, Chasing Success. Well, we feel like losers right now…

Anywho, this dude keeps it real. Like, this is not like previous info we’ve shared with you:
 
1.      Starting small: Having a big goal in mind is fine, but realize the best way to be successful is to see it as an incremental process. Maybe you want to lose 50 pounds. That’s great, but focus on losing 10 pounds at a time. If you constantly look at the big picture, you’re going to get overwhelmed. Smaller goals are easier to accomplish and will leave you feeling motivated and inspired to keep moving towards your larger goals.
 
2.      Keeping your mouth shut: When you keep your goals to yourself, it creates an inner drive to achieve them. Telling everyone else what you want to accomplish only puts more pressure on you and makes the process much more difficult to manage. If you feel like sharing, tell other people about your failures. It makes you a humbler person. The other reason to speak about your failures is because there is so much learning in failure for yourself as well as those around you.  
 
3.      Not comparing your goals to someone else’s goals: This is your life, your goals and your reality.  What you want to accomplish in your life is going to be very different from what someone else wants to achieve. For example, in the next few weeks, so many people are going to say they want to lose weight in the new year. Do they really want to lose weight or are they saying that because it’s the popular thing to do? Set goals that are truly valuable to you.
 
4.      Mastering your failures. Master the areas you have failed at by finding out why. Why didn’t you succeed in the past? If you didn’t accomplish your goals last year, figure out what went wrong so you don’t make the same mistakes. Treat your failures as a learning experience to move you closer to success.
 
5.      Starting to focus on the experience, not the goal: It’s not the million dollars that you’re after, it’s the experiences you get to have because of the million dollars. It’s fine to have your goals, but rather than spending so much time obsessed with them, focus on the experience. Every day is a new experience with new people and new adventures. Knowing where you want to go is important, but don’t miss out on the ride.
 
6.      Expecting bumps in the road: Trying to accomplish any goal is a process filled with ups and downs. Most people enter the new year expecting things to just magically change without any effort or obstacles. The person who accomplishes his New Year’s resolutions is the person who overcame the most obstacles.
 
7.      Listening to the negative talk: All the self-help gurus, while well-intentioned, encourage you to only think positive thoughts. This is unrealistic because you’re living in a fantasy world. Paying attention to your negative self-talk is extremely important because it’s trying to break you of your addiction to that fantasy. The key is to be optimistic about what you want while listening to the negative thoughts because it will keep you grounded in reality.
 
8.      Focusing on your ‘why not:’ Most personal development people will tell you to focus on your ‘why.’ Instead, you need to focus on your ‘why not.’ This is the real reason you’re not going after your goals. Until you figure out what’s really holding you back, you can’t have any forward progress. 
 
9.      Not creating vision boards: These should be called nightmare boards. All they do is slap you in the face and constantly remind you of all the things you haven’t been able to accomplish. Staring at million-dollar mansions, Lamborghinis and super fit models with bulging muscles isn’t going to inspire you for greatness. It’s delusional thinking that will leave feeling down on your luck.

Damn! This dude might become our personal hero. We're about to set fire to a pile of self-help books!