Hey, Ladies. Wish you could send your Aunt Flo in quarantine?
While that isn’t possible until the “change”, Midol swears to be our monthly bestie.
Not only will Lady M knock out pp (period pain), but so will these tips:
You Are What You Eat: Feeling bloated? Foods with high amounts of sodium make the bloating in your body even worse, so even though chips and French fries can be comforting, best to avoid them. Feeling worn out? Foods with high sugar and high doses of caffeine can promote those peaks and valleys in your energy levels. You may feel fatigued before you are going to get your periods, so you load up on coffee or candy, only to have that crash and burn after the fact.
Crack Wise-dom: Sorry, Midol. This is our monthly “excuse” to dip our fries in mayo. We have to find other “excuses” for the other occurrences. Back off!
Get Moving: Whether you stream a workout class or take a quick stroll around the block, exercise during your period gets your blood circulation going which helps reduce cramps.
Crack Wise-dom: Another thing that gets our blood moving? Wine.
Take Midol: The average woman spends 50 days a year treating period-related symptoms, but few treat them with a period-specific product that can provide multi-symptom relief of cramps, bloating, fatigue, water-weight gain, headache, and backache.
Crack Wise-dom: One, nice plug. Two, sounds like we need this every day…
Get a Good Night Zzz’s: People get uncomfortable during their period and if you're uncomfortable, it does become a little bit harder to sleep. In addition to taking Midol to help ease your symptoms, make sure your room where you are sleeping is a comfortable temperature. The ideal temperature is 62 degrees and while that might sound chilly, there is nothing worse than sleeping in a super-hot room where you feel like you're going to perspire through the night.
Crack Wise-dom: Because naked sleeping during this special time has you looking like a hot air balloon with the tether line flowing beneath.
Focus on You: Physical discomfort is going to translate into some emotional stress as well, so treating physical symptoms will automatically help you feel emotionally a little bit better. Taking time to do things for yourself - exercise, good diet, the anticipation of your symptoms – can help relieve the mental toll that period symptoms have on your mood.
Crack Wise-dom: (Note to self) Take Midol so you don’t punch Karen in her judge-y face at the grocery store. Gotcha.
P.S. Midol’s all proud of their new look. We dig how the new look is like a punch. Because Lady Time feels like a punch to the ovaries…
Something about cryotherapy gives us the chills. It’s not the deep freezing. It’s the creepy factor (in our minds). Yet, cryotherapy has benefits. So, if you’re in the market for your own chamber, CryoBuilt can hook you up.
You can choose your own music, change the color and ambiance of the chamber, and set custom fan speeds and session time for comfort--starting at $90,000. So, maybe you can go into the cryo biz for yourself. It’s all the rage with celebrities and athletes. Who need to live forever…
Feel luxurious without the luxe price tag with DefineMe Hands.
We’re doing our part to stay germ-free with all the hand washing and anti-bacterial gel-ing. But who needs to smell like alcohol (unless it’s all that box of wine imbibing while in QT?) HANDS is pleasant smelling—with notes of Peony, Sandalwood, and Jasmine.
Most importantly, HANDS is vegan, cruelty-free, and eco-friendly. Its ingredients include 75% Ethyl alcohol (derived from organic sugarcane), aloe vera, and coconut oil. Plus, you get 460 sprays per bottle at a price tag of $15. And, DefineMe is donating $1 from each sale to non-profits that support feeding children and families impacted by COVID-19.
Feel fancy and de-germed all at the same time.
While staying at home on the daily might seem miserable, there are some benefits. We have a chance to slow down, reflect, and learn.
Tammy Fry is a health and lifestyle expert and is the force behind Fry Family Foods, which produces over 60 different plant-based brands which can be found in 28 countries around the world.
She is a forever optimist and believes that life is getting better through this pandemic. One way life is getting better--our health. We can focus on taking care of ourselves now that we’re home more, and this is the time to work on our immunity before we wander back out into the unknown.
Her five tips to boosting immunity include: Good food; Supplements; Natural mood boosters; Calming practices; and--STFU.
This is our favorite, which means: Sleep. To. Feel. Unbelievable.
Tammy says, “Sleep is a wonderful immune booster and let’s face it, a good REM sleep not only feels good, it grounds you by giving both your body and your mind the rest it needs to mentally, physically and emotionally stave off whatever comes your way. Now that there are no late-night parties, dinner with friends, or drinks at the pub, you can more easily prep to get 7-9 hours of quality sleep. Studies have shown huge benefits to the immune system and increased number of T-cells (immune cells which protect the body from cancer cells and other pathogens), when getting your full sleep quota.”
Crack Wise-dom: Now when we tell someone to STFU, we can tell them it’s because we care about their health. No, really. We do.
P.S. If we attempted what Tammy is doing in the picture above, there’d be a guaranteed health insurance claim.
The gym may be closed to the public for now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t work out—even if your space is small.
If your place is too tight to do a routine via stream, that’s fine. You’ve got your body. Use it.
Heather Gunn Rivera, co-founder of Grassroots Fitness Project, says drop to the floor and do these:
1. Pushups (15)
2. Squats and Single Leg Squats (15)
3. Plank Scaption (10)
4. Lunges (20 - 10 each side)
5. Plank (1 minute)
*Repeat 3-5 times
Look at you, all fit and fab. No #Quarantine15 for you!
You’re a filthy liar. And we might be, too. We fib in school. We fib to our partners. We fib to our doctors.
We may be grown, but we don’t want to hear nothing from our doctor about how we’re doin’ life. TermLife2Go did a little survey, and found that we lie about our habits to our docs.
The older we get, the more likely we are to lie. Patients 35 and older were more likely to lie about their exercise habits than younger patients. Guess younger people don’t care, or they think they can make up for bad habits later. (You can’t. It all comes back to haunt you!)
So, basically, stop lying. We never want scolded, but we need to be honest when it comes to our health. So we can live longer to lie more. What?
Nobody wants to talk about the... butt scope. But since butt issues aren't just an old person's thing anymore, let's get down to business. Colon cancer is one of the most preventable cancers, and has a 90% five-year survival rate when found in its early stages.
MDsave doesn't want to hear your excuses. They have #truth all day long.
Six Colonoscopy Myths, Dubunked
Excuse #1: I heard colonoscopies are painful.
The Truth: Today, most colonoscopies are performed under sedation, and most of the time, you won’t even remember the procedure.
Crack Wise-dom: It's not any worse than the reaming you get at work, no?
Excuse #2: I don’t know if I can handle the prep.
The Truth: The bowel cleanse to prepare for a colonoscopy is easier now than it’s ever been. Instead of drinking a gallon of prep in one go, there are now half-gallon options. Some doctors will also order a split dose, so you can drink half the night before your procedure and half in the morning.
Crack Wise-dom: When you say you "give a shit", you'll actually mean it. A lot.
Excuse #3: I don’t have a family history of colon cancer, so I’m not at risk.
The Truth: 1 in 18 Americans are diagnosed with colon cancer. Some risk factors mean you should talk to your doctor about getting screened sooner, including Irritable Bowel Syndrome (e.g., Crohn’s disease or Ulcerative Colitis) or Lynch Syndrome.
Crack Wise-dom: Don't be stupid.
Excuse #4: I’m too young to get colon cancer.
The Truth: While rates of colon cancer are falling in the 50+ crowd, they’re on the rise in young adults. Researchers speculate that higher rates of obesity may be a factor. To reduce your risk, keep your weight in a healthy range and ask about any colon cancer or other risk factors in your family. Talk to your doctor if you experience any of these symptoms: Rectal bleeding, changes in stool color or size, change in bowel habits, colon or rectal pain.
Crack Wise-dom: You're never too young to be stupid.
Excuse #5: I can’t afford a colonoscopy.
The Truth: There are solutions out there like MDsave. Their pre-negotiated rates are about 40-60% lower than the national average cost, with trusted local doctors across the country. A colonoscopy National Average Price: $3,772. MDsave Average Price: $1,647.
Crack Wise-dom: You can't afford groceries and gas, either, so...
Excuse #6: It’s easier to just send my stool in the mail
The Truth: Agreeing to that cheaper, easier DNA screening for colorectal cancer can cost consumers much more in the end. Because if that test comes back positive, some insurers and Medicare stop coverage as a preventive service towards a colonoscopy that your doctor will inevitably order next.
Crack Wise-dom: This is not what "What can brown do for you?" means.
WTF with all the STDs?
According to the CDC, combined cases of syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia (the three most commonly reported STDs) reached an all-time high in the U.S. in 2018.
Mycoplasma genitalium (MG or Mgen) is the most-reported STD. Uh.... we've gotta go look that one up............................................................................................ It's a small and pathogenic bacterium that lives on the skin cells of the urinary and genital tracts in humans... resistant to multiple antibiotics... #letsblamechina
According to the chart, the most cases are in rural America... #blamethesheep
A 326% increase in cases involving gonorrhea in men? #blamethesheep
Those over the age of 40 are the ones who should know better, but apparently don't. #blameyourself
Stop acting like some jacked-up mad-doctor-villain from a James Bond movie by diagnosing your "illness". Get the PlushCare app, and get answers from real professionals.
Over a third of us have been guilty of WebMD-ing and then freaking out, thinking we have some kind of condition. With PlushCare, you can book an appointment 24/7 on your smartphone (or computer), chat with a doctor, and pick up prescriptions at your pharmacy. Without insurance, your appointment is a flat rate of $99: with insurance, fork over your co-pay.
No more thinking you're dying from Fragamylomia.
With Coronavirus, and colds, and sinus “stuff” and… whatever waiting to invade our bodies out there, there’s got to be something we can do to alleviate the symptoms, or stop them from getting I-need-my-mommy-I-think-I’m-gonna-die worse.
Dr. Suhyun An is an expert on regenerative medicine, so she might be knowledgeable in the healing ways. To prevent your sick symptoms from reaching critical mass, she recommends these natural remedies:
Vitamin C: Some studies indicate that Vitamin C can shorten the lifespan of a cold and boost your immune system. “The best way to get it is through your diet; the fresher the food, the better,” Dr. An says. “Oranges, limes, lemons, grapefruits, leafy greens, and bell peppers are all good sources of vitamin C. Be careful with supplements because they can lead to upset stomach and kidney stones.”
Honey: Honey has natural antiviral and antimicrobial properties. “Drinking honey in tea with lemon can ease sore throat pain,” Dr. An says. “Research suggests that honey is an effective cough suppressant, too. Honey often contains Clostridium bacteria, so never give honey to a child younger than 1-year-old because infants’ immune systems aren’t able to fight them off.”
Chicken soup: This popular cold and flu remedy helps because hot liquids reduce mucus buildup and keep you hydrated. “Chicken soup, in particular, has anti-inflammatory properties, which help reduce a cold’s unpleasant side effects,” Dr. An says. “Keep some in the freezer or even canned for flu season. It’s quick to prepare that way and soothing to eat.”
Aromas: “When you have congestion from the flu, applying camphor or menthol salve around your nose can help break up mucus,” Dr. An says. “Aromatherapy oils, such as peppermint and eucalyptus, can have a similar effect. Also, vapor rub can reduce cold symptoms, especially in children older than 2 years. It helps open air passages to combat congestion, reduce coughing, and improve sleep.”
Probiotics: These are friendly bacteria and yeast found in the body, some foods, and supplements. “They can help keep your gut and immune system healthy, and they may reduce your chance of getting sick with an upper respiratory infection,” Dr. An says. “For a delicious and nutritious source of helpful bacteria, include probiotic yogurt in your diet.”
Well, the Crack Wise Staff is taking things one step further with remedies and beverage pairings. Because we know stuff, too...
Vitamin C dropped in a cup of coffee spiked with Bailey’s will make you perky and healthy.
Honey. Ever heard of Barenjager? It’s Jagermeister Honey Liqueur. And it’s Uh. May. Zing.
Chicken Soup: with a glass of Johnny Walker on the rocks. Mmmm Mmmm drunk.
Aromas: Have you sniffed Ouzo? Take a whiff then down a shot… or two. Because we’re doing “pairings” here. We guarantee you can breathe well after two shots.
Probiotics: Sure, have that probiotic yogurt. Infused with berries that were soaked in vodka.
Take whichever tips you feel comfortable with to get through the rest of the nasty nasty season.
Haus of V is a creative collective that shares a similar mindset -- with a twist.