Hair loss is a concern for both men and women. Thank goodness for HairMax® for den•si•ty. It might be a magical way to regrow hair without nasty chemicals that make us wonder if we’d grow a third eye from it.

This stuff is comprised of an exclusive proprietary blend, NRG8-pLEX™, including apple stem cell, reishi mushroom, caffeine and niacinamide (vitamin B3) that enter the scalp directly to strengthen the weak follicles that cause the hair fall. The 3-step line is formulated with anti-oxidants, peptides and essential oil extracts that protect the hair from biological aging and environmental stress.

You need to do all three steps and execute a handstand to make it work (just kidding on the handstand part). But we especially need to respect our scalps.

“When people think of skincare, the scalp is often neglected. The scalp is also skin and ages just like our facial skin does. Biological aging is one of the reasons for thinning hair, and it is important to keep our scalp healthy and youthful.” Says Ashlee Halbe, PA-C, MMS, and Vice President of strategic development at HairMax®. 

So, there. Just watch this.
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Our irrational fear:

That using this will cause wild hair growth in other places. The “trimmed hedges” become a jungle. Or our face gets hairier. We don’t need that. Or suddenly we grow hair on our feet.
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Wonder if Ron Popeil is pissed…

Don’t you love being pampered? Here’s a way to feel like a million bucks without spending a ton.

Scentium—an aromatherapy shower diffuser that totally enhances your self-care.

“It’s the world’s first aromatherapy shower tablet diffuser that harnesses the therapeutic and massaging powers of aromatherapy and water to transport your mind and transform your mood.”

Yes, please! 
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Scentium is easy to use:

Place tablet in the shower cup

Fill water reservoir

Replace water reservoir in the holder

Enjoy!

There are eight different mood-shaping tablets to choose from: sleep, calm, energize, joy, revitalize, de-stress, focus, motivate.

Now, if we could only get a really buff dude to hold our towel, dry us off, massage our aching muscles and keep our wine glass filled…. Where’s the Kickstarter for that?

​The holidays are fast-approaching. There are so many fun and festive activities to participate in, foods and drinks to indulge in, family and friends to reconnect with… but, the holidays can be a struggle for some with stress, pressure and sadness.

A simple act of kindness can go a long way. That’s the premise behind The You Marathon, which kicks off November 1st. The goal is to share as many cards with the words “You Matter” printed on them with as many people as possible.
This is the kind of marathon we like—no running required!

Since 2016, over half-a-million You Mater cards have been shared. Get your cards HERE. And thanks for being so awesome!

In our efforts to spread joy, here are some two-word phrases that help get us through the holidays:

More cookies

Drunk uncle

Family drama
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Pity hookup

A round of shots for everyone—it’s officially “Flu season”!

Where’s the décor section at Target and Starbucks flavor of this season? Nowhere, because it sucks.

People that know things advise us every year on how to prevent getting the ick:

Get a flu shot

Avoid close contact

Cover your mouth and nose

Wash your hands

Avoid touching your eyes, nose or mouth

All very helpful tips. But we want real-life answers. So, Crack Wise turned to Comedian Mike Conley of Conley’s Corner. Here are his ways to karate-chop the flu:

Don’t settle for the generic choice of liquid medication. No matter your insurance, only go top shelf. Grey Goose, Maker’s Mark, and of course… The Captain!

Get plenty of fruits and vegetables. Lime wedge for the Captain, orange twist for the Goose, and a couple of olives for your Martinis. I’m not sure if olives are a fruit or a vegetable, but hey… you’ve covered your bases.

Prevention is key! It’s too late if you already have the flu to start self-medicating. In fact you should be having 8-12 ounces of prevention while you’re reading this just to be on the safe side.

Finally, “medicine” we can handle… Eff you, NyQuil.

Fruits and vegetables. We all need to consume more. They’re good for us!
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But the need to chow down on some broccoli and apples is crucial for the little ones. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, nine out of 10 children do not consume enough fruits and veggies.

Pediatrician Dr. Yum to the rescue!

Dr. Yum’s Preschool Food Adventure was created specifically to help children appreciate the deliciousness of fruits and vegetables. By using fun characters in the curriculum-- Dr. Yum, Coach Mel, and My Munch Bug (trying not to be immature here) teach 18 lessons over a two year period. Preschool teachers present one lesson a month.

The goal is to have those lessons last a lifetime.
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Great. Now we’re craving Yum Yum Sauce. Which is surely NOT Dr. Yum approved. Well, we’re not children (age-wise, at least) so we can drink some straight from the bottle… 
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#adultingwins

We may be right after all. Work is killing us. At least it’s kidney-punching the heck out of us. Sitting down all day in front of a computer (which is what we’re doing as we’re writing this story) is muy bad-o.

“The longer you have a back problem, the more damage it will create, the more it will resist getting better, and the more time it will take to heal,” said chiropractor Bradford Butler, author of the book The Blueprint for Back Pain Relief: The Essential Guide to Nonsurgical Solutions.

The best solution: stop back pain in its tracks.

“Prevention is mindset. You probably already do it in other areas of your life. When I comes to your back, you just need some new thinking and new habits.”
And those are…

Watch how you sit: Sit with your body no more than an arm’s length from the computer and mouse. Don’t lean your head and neck forward. You should be able to rest your hand comfortably on the mouse with the elbow at the same height as the mouse pad. The monitor should be two or three inches above eye level.

Choose the right chair: Ideally, you want a chair with lumbar support. If you don’t have one, place a pillow behind your lower spine. Chairs that can tilt back also take pressure off the base of the spine and help prevent back pain.
Don’t cradle your phone: Don’t pin the phone between your shoulder and ear so you can type while you talk. It’s really, really bad for you.

Take a break: For about five minutes every hour, get up and move around. Take a walk, stretch, or do anything that takes you away from your computer and lets your body escape all the sitting and staring.

Unload some baggage: If your work bag or briefcase weighs more than 10 percent of your body weight, ditch it. Lighten the load or get a different bag, preferably one with a long strap so it can be carried across your chest like a messenger bag. 

Or follow this advice:
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Now what do we do about pain-in-the-ass issues? And we don’t mean the literal kind…
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Is it just us? Or is there a sudden obsession with The V? We’re not talking about the lustful desires to dive in, but the overwhelming need to steam, vajazzle, tighten, and tuck it.

We completely understand that things change over time at the “southern resort”. In an attempt to rejuvenate, we turn to Kegels and hormone creams, adult diapers, and lots of prayer.

If you have jayjay concerns, you can handle them—at home. Boost your self-confidence, improve your comfort, and get back on the intimacy train with vfit PLUS. It’s the first and only clinically proven, home-use system that revives your pelvic floor safely and effectively.
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​Colette Courtion developed vfit. It uses red light energy and gentle heat with no downtime or side effects. And what’s even better, vfit PLUS is the first energy-based technology designated by the FDA as a low-risk general wellness device for improvement of intimate wellness.

Cost: $495 at www.getvfit.com

Alrighty, then. Let’s start our own business and throw vfit parties? If we can sell Tupperware, supplements, candles and jewelry, why not a P Party? We’ll call it:

Meow Meow Makeovers. Invite a couple of your gal pals. Serve some wine and cheese, and get that thang in shape!

Then, we’ll vajazzle and start an Instagram account.

#vajtastic 
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“What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.”

It’s a saying we’ve all heard before.

And now, the tables have turned. What’s good for the gander is good for the goose when it comes to poppin’ open the hood and getting a tune-up!
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Men want their equal rights regarding plastic surgery. Each year the number of men addressing their issues increases.
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Here are the top 10 procedures and their costs:

Eyelid rejuvenation: under $3,000
Neck lift: between $4,500 and $7,000
Facial fillers and Botox: $400 per area for fillers/$350 for Botox
Nose job: between $4,500 and $6,000
Chin augmentation: between $2,500 and $7,000
Liposuction: approximately $3,000
Hair transplant: between $8,000 and $11,000
Male breast reduction: around $3,500
Pectoral implants: between $6,500 and $12,000
Ear surgery: between $3,000 and $5,000

Either save your money, boys, or become a gigolo, or ask Santa to stuff some cash in your stocking because insurance may not help you out.
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The staff at Crack Wise has uncovered male-type surgeries that need to happen in the near future and their potential costs:

DirtyUndiesOnFloor: no happy-fun-time for a month
EmptyCartonOfMilkInFridge: two slaps to the back of the neck
ActionFigurePurchase: go sleep on the couch until further notice

Scalpel!

Fall has crotch-kicked summer, sending that season on its way. If this makes you sad and blue, fear not.  You can still feel like summer—not in the sweat-in-places-I-shouldn’t kind of feel, but that warm glow. Hurray!
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​​Probiogen is a daily probiotic that combines Vitamin C with other natural healing nutrients that are really good for you. Imagine a supplement that helps with respiratory health, inflammation responses, and strengthens the immune system from within. Groovy!

If we could take a pill that would help with situational “inflammation repsonses,” (ie: not wanting to kick some driver’s booty for not using a turn signal ever) then sign us up.

Probiogen is clinically-proven to survive and thrive inside the gut 100 times better than leading brands and yogurts. Good. Cuz yogurt can be nasty-- especially that Greek stuff.  

Wait. Survive and thrive? Nothing's living in our bellies unless it's paying rent!

Here’s all the science-y stuffs: Probiogen is gluten, soy and dairy free, no GMOs, and no need to refrigerate.

It's billed as  “skin’s secret weapon”.

Please. Skin’s real secret weapon: real-life/real-time soft focus. Somebody hurry and invent that!

https://probiogen.com/
 
P.S. Hope this doesn’t make us poop our pants.