The young folk call their girlfriends a squad. Dudes call their bros a posse. The wealthy have an entourage, and the spiritually evolved have “tribes”. Who knew?

If you gals want to gather your tribe, try luring them (for what?) with the Sacred Woman Gathering Kit. No. It’s not a trail of chocolate leading to an entrapping net. ​

​It’s a kit for hosting your own Sacred Woman Gathering—made by women, by hand in L.A.

The love-and-intention-filled box includes:
A hand sculpted goddess

Ceramic tray with a Palo Santo bundle

Talking stick made from driftwood collected on Whidbey Island (we are not mature enough to deal with “talking sticks” and “wood”.)

Hand poured soy candle with clear quartz and lightly scented with

Essential oils of cedar and sweet orange

Selenite tower (made by mama Earth)

Instructional booklet (with a beautiful cover image painted by a female artist, @yogaandartjourney)

Surely, you have $149 to gift some tribe leader with this, no?

Finally. A workout that speaks to me like the f8cking trucker that lives in my sh*tbag soul: 6 Weeks of THE WORK by Beachbody. A program that capitalizes on recent research that shows that swearing during your workout can help increase pain tolerance, power, and strength output.
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We’ve been cussing this for years—which is why we don’t work out with others. But now… game changer!
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This program was created by Amoila Cesar—top trainer to NBA players and celebrities. You know, people with good bodies who don’t eat Snickers and Oreos for breakfast. Those people.
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All we know is that we’re treating ourselves to a f&cking treat after this workout, d*mnit!

Hangovers. They're like the person you hooked-up with that gave you instant regret. Hangovers not only wreak havoc on your body, but on your skin, too (we're talking to you, ladies.) 
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Frequent alcohol-ing is not only dehydrating, but can suck vital vitamins and nutrients right out of it. You could also suffer from brittle hair, dark circles, bloodshot eyes, and even blindness. What!?!?

"Over time, drinking heavily can have other, more permanent, detrimental effects on your skin. Rosacea, a skin disorder that starts with a tendency to blush and flush easily and can eventually lead to facial disfigurement-- is linked to alcohol," said Dr. Gretchen Frieling, a Boston-area board certified dermatopathologist. "Since alcohol increases your blood flow, it often causes blood vessels in your face to dilate (sometimes permanently) and often burst, leaving behind broken capillaries and red spots that are difficult to get rid of."
Well, that sucks.

Stay hydrated: Aside from giving up booze altogether, Dr. Frieling says it is possible to minimize the unwanted effects of alcohol by constantly staying hydrated. “That means drinking a full glass of water for every cocktail you have. Drink even more water before you go to bed to flush the alcohol out of your system so you wake up less dehydrated, puffy and flushed,” she advises.

Take care of your skin before bed: Taking care of your skin before hitting the sack is also crucial. Dr. Frieling advises fully washing your face and then applying a moisturizer, like a hydrating serum before getting into bed. “Sleeping with dirty skin makes it prone to clogged pores and acne.”

Prop pillows and use tea: One of the best ways to minimize the eye and face puffiness is to sleep on two pillows, slightly propped up. In the morning, rubbing ice cubes all over your face helps, too.

Cover up what you can’t cure: To camouflage the redness in the face, use a green-tinted primer before applying makeup, which should help neutralize any redness. If you must use foundation, look for a lightweight, moisturizing formula.  Avoid powders, as they are often more drying.

Consider lasers: When at-home remedies aren’t making much of a difference. There are pricier measures you can take to minimize the effects of alcohol. “Certain laser treatments can reduce redness and spider veins on the face. It’s important to see someone who is well trained to administer the laser treatment,” suggests Dr. Frieling.

Choose your booze wisely: If you are going to consume alcohol know that different alcohols have different effects on the skin, but as a general rule, the clearer, the better. Vodka, gin, and tequila leave your system quicker.

Crack Wise-dom: Drink half a box of wine, and half a box of water. Gets bangs. Invent real-life soft focus. Wear a wig.
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We got this.

Ah,  yes. The Holidays are upon us. Full of fun and family and friends and feasting, and... stress. The "Most Wonderful Time of the Year" could become "The Most Murderous Time of the Year" if we don't keep ourselves in check. 

Dr. Alok Trivedi is a psychological performance coach and founder of the Aligned Performance Institute. He also wrote the book, Chasing Success. So, he must know stuff. He has eight tips for surviving the holidays. Oh, and so do we...

It’s ok to be Scrooge: If you just can’t get into the spirit of the season, don’t beat yourself up. The reality is that not everybody gets all excited over the holidays. Society makes you feel bad if you’re not into it, but it’s perfectly okay if you’re not. Stop judging yourself and don’t let other people get you down.

Crack Wise-dom: Yes! Be on the lookout for our "Eff Off" holiday cards.

Make time for solitude: The holidays bring more demands for our time. It’s parties, outings, travel, religious services, family get-togethers, people staying in our homes and more. Some people love this but others not so much. It’s important to carve out time to be by yourself. Even as little as 30 minutes per day can have tremendous benefits.

Crack Wise-dom: Perfect. Start the New Year's resolution early of running off into the woods forever. Or, until the new season of Stranger Things  comes out on Netflix.

Avoid emotional eating: This time of year, food is in abundance. Many of us tend to eat to handle the emotional chaos instead of addressing it. This only adds pounds and makes you feel even worse. If something is bothering you, don’t turn to food. Address it no matter how insignificant it may seem.

Crack Wise-dom: Uhm, the one thing we're good at is "eating our feelings." Don't be the aforementioned Scrooge and take that from us, bitch! That escalated...

Communicate with family & friends: Although the holidays are a stressful time, it’s people’s inability to communicate and make assumptions that gets them into trouble. It’s important to be on the same page as your family and friends otherwise there’s going to be resentment and chaos. Make an extra effort to communicate better and listen to others.

Crack Wise-dom: Only if copious amounts of alcohol are involved. At. Every. Course.

Know your limits: Life is challenging enough without having to worry about the holidays. Be realistic in terms of what you can and can’t handle. It’s nice to want to make yourself available to everything and everyone, but it’s also unrealistic and going to take a toll on your mental and physical health. Keep a calendar and stick to it. Learn to prioritize things and remember, there’s nothing wrong with saying ‘no.’

Crack Wise-dom: Five minutes on. Five minutes off. Like, we'll sit at the table for five minutes and endure the brow-beating and questions, then five minutes away from the table watching football. Or 9-1-1 is gonna be called.

Make a financial plan: Money is one of the biggest stressors of the holiday season. If you have to buy gifts, start putting money aside for this now so you’re not dipping into your checking or savings account, or worse, going into debt. Remember, it’s perfectly acceptable to cut-down on gift-giving and just give something small to those closest to you. 

Crack Wise-dom: “Borrowing” your credit card. No budget!

Have more sex: Yes, seriously! Sex is the most natural high in the world that releases feel-good chemicals in the brain. It can help boost your mood; reduce stress, worry and anxiety; help you stay connected with your partner; and it’s good exercise.

Crack Wise-dom: But not with the "forever friend zone friend" that's part of your Friendsgiving crew. Or that dude you call “uncle” that really isn’t your uncle….

Talk about your feelings: Not everyone experiences the joy of the season. Many of us are thinking about past holidays with loved ones who are no longer with us. Others are consumed by challenges going on in their lives right now. You may experience an array of thoughts and feelings and that’s perfectly normal. If you’re having trouble coping, don’t hold it in. Talk to a close friend, family member or mental health professional.

Crack Wise-dom: "George is getting angry!"
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Personally, we'd take our advice. Way more real...

We could be all-snarky with this stat: 88% of U.S. adults admit to losing sleep while watching TV or a streaming service. Well, duh. How can you really sleep with your eyes open?

But we know what the American Academy of Sleep Medicine is talking about. Sleep is a priority, second only to family. But we're not sleeping.

"It's encouraging that Americans rank sleep as one of their highest priorities, but choosing to binge on entertainment at night instead of sleeping has serious ramifications," said AASM President Dr. Kelly A. Carden. "Sleep is essential to health, well-being and safety, and chronic insufficient sleep can lead to increased risk of health problems, mood disorders, and motor vehicle accidents."

Other things clock-blocking our sleep? Video games, reading, and watching sports.

What, no makin' the lovin'? Or does that not take up a lot of time?

P.S. Click HERE for a nifty bedtime calculator.

November is National Diabetes Awareness Month. Americans spend nearly $200 billion a year on obesity-related health costs. Wallethub did what it does best: ask a bunch of questions and crunch the numbers. They ain't pretty. Twenty-nine key metrics including: share of overweight/obese population, sugary-beverage consumption among adolescents, and more were considered.
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The fattest state? Mississippi. The not-fattest? Utah. And what's eye-opening is this: 14-18 years is the reduction of life expectancy in the average person with Type 1 diabetes.

See where your state ranks.

P.S. We know this is horrible, but this story is making us want to devour a Popeye's Spicy Chicken Sandwich and a plate of nachos...

It’s surely happened to you whether you want to admit to it or not. Driving drowsy. A new survey from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine found that 45-percent of adults have struggled to stay awake while driving. 

It’s a bigger deal than you may think. Drowsy driving causes an average of 328,000 motor vehicle accidents, including 6,400 fatal crashes.

“Driving while drowsy is similar to drunk driving with regards to the delays in reaction time and impairment in decision-making. Drowsy driving can be deadly, yet it is 100 percent preventable,” said Dr. Kelly A. Carden, President of the American Academy of Sleep Medicine.

The Warning Signs of Drowsy Driving:
Frequent yawning or inability to keep your eyes open
Catching yourself “nodding off” or having trouble keeping your head up
Inability to remember driving the last few miles
Missing road signs or driving past your turn
Following too close to cars in front of you
Drifting into the other lane of traffic
Driving onto the “rumble strip” or the shoulder of the road

Here are ways to prevent driving drowsy:
Ensure that you get enough sleep before driving so that you can stay alert behind the wheel.

Avoid driving late at night or while alone, if possible, and share the driving with a passenger on long trips.

Use caffeine for a short-term boost in alertness.

Pull over at a rest stop and take a nap if you begin to feel drowsy.
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Crack Wise-dom: Don't take drowsy driving as a "challenge". Be safe so you can crack wise with us for years to come...

Like Goldilocks, you want to find a bed that’s “just right”. Because sleep is important—restful, comfortable, peaceful sleep. It’s difficult to achieve such sweet dreams if you’re too hot or too cold while trying to catch some shut eye.

Kyro Inc to the rescue! They can grant your wish of prefect sleep with the chiliPAD and OOLER sleep systems. The easy-to-use mattress toppers allow one or two users to adjust each side of their bed to their desired temperature. The systems are designed to cool or warm your body where it needs it the most—beneath your body. ​

​Now, start a GoFundMe. The chiliPAD retails for $499, while the OOLER retails for $699.

October is Emotional Wellness Month. Who knew? With that in mind, it's best we get our chill vibe going. A relaxing nighttime routine could be just what the doctor ordered.
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Get de-stressing in three easy steps:

Relaxing bubble bath: From Intoxicating Beauty, Body Rinse on the Rocks. It's a hand and body wash that can double as a bubble bath. Ooh la la!

Put that mask on: Kat Burki KB5 Eye Recovery Masks with the WHEN Beauty 10:00 PM Anti-Aging Sheet Mask will hydrate fatigued, tired skin. You'll be left with a youthful glow.

Be mindful of those tootsies: Now that you're all clean and hydrated, get cozy with a cup of tea and a good book, with your feet snuggled inside some dpl Slippers. Foot pain is whisked away while you're preparing to hit the hay.

Crack Wise-dom:
Our relaxation tips are a bit more... physical. Imagining some asshat's face on a punching bag while punching and screaming until the neighbors think there's some kind of homiciding going on and they call 9-1-1 and you hope the responding officer is hot and single. But we digress... and that was only one tip...

So many "holidays". So little time.

Saturday, October 26th, we shall all gather together to celebrate: World Swim Day.
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Yup. It's an "international holiday that empowers people around the world to be more active through swimming. The holiday promotes living a healthy lifestyle through swimming and raises awareness for the importance of water safety."

That's cool. But we have no place to swim. And our bodies are never any-season ready. But, we will spread the word. Like a bad belly flop.

P.S. Can you pay to create a national holiday? Because we need a Crack Wise Day of Crack Wise-ing...