Funformation |
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Funformation |
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Look. We get it's the day after you pretended to be Mexican (Cinco de Mayo) by celebrating Cinco de Drinko. Food may be the last thing on your tequila-soaked mind. But when you've recovered, you might want to have a taste at it again-- this time with more sober results. Thus, this delicious cake-- because you should celebrate not accidentally combusting from your over-indulgence. Chocolate Tres Leches Cake*recipe courtesy of AllRecipes Ingredients: 1 (18.25 ounce) package Swiss chocolate cake mix (such as Duncan Hines®) 1 ¼ cups chocolate milk ½ cup canola oil 3 eggs 1 teaspoon instant espresso powder 1 (14 ounce) can sweetened condensed milk ¾ cup half-and-half ¾ cup evaporated milk 3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder 1 cup confectioners' sugar ½ cup unsweetened cocoa powder 3 cups heavy whipping cream Instructions: Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Grease and flour a 9x13-inch pan. Beat cake mix, chocolate milk, canola oil, eggs, and espresso powder together in a large bowl with an electric hand mixer on a low speed until dry ingredients are moistened. Increase speed to medium and continue beating another 2 minutes; pour into prepared pan. Bake in the preheated oven until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean, about 35 minutes. Remove cake from the oven and allow it to cool in the pan until it is no longer hot to the touch. While the cake is still warm, poke lots of holes all over the cake with a small skewer or a fork. Whisk sweetened condensed milk, half-and-half, evaporated milk, and 3 tablespoons cocoa powder together in a bowl until cocoa is mostly incorporated into the liquid; slowly pour the milk mixture evenly over the cake. Allow the cake to cool completely as the liquid soaks into it. Sift confectioners' sugar and cocoa powder together in a bowl. Beat heavy whipping cream in a stand mixer on medium speed for about 1 minute. While continuing to mix, add sugar-and-cocoa mixture to the cream in 2 batches, allowing the first to incorporate before adding the second. Increase mixer speed to medium-high; beat until soft peaks form and the cream is thickened and spreadable. Spread chocolate whipped cream on the cake to serve. Recipe Tip: For variety, you can add 1 tablespoon of coffee-flavored liquor (such as Kahlua) to your milk mixture, or add 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon to your cake batter. It's usually considered a summer time staple. But ice cream is your best bud. Who else is there to help you celebrate? Help you through a breakup? Help you through all the ups and downs? Exactly. Some places in the good ol' USA are better at ice-creaming than others. According LawnStarter, Miami is the #1 place for ice cream based on access to ice cream, froyo, and gelato, consumer ratings, and ice cream awards. We're calling ish on this. While some people may be all about the trendy stuff, Crack Wisers are all about what's real. We'll take the ice cream stand down the street anytime, versus some teaspoon of gold-flecked swill that's gonna cost you $25. *End rant* With all that in mind, gather your friends and try this ice cream treat. It'll be the best taste in the land because of the whole scene. Fried Ice Cream Dessert Bars * recipe courtesy of Taste of Home Ingredients: 1/2 cup butter, cubed 2 cups crushed cornflakes 1-1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon 3 tablespoons sugar 1-3/4 cups heavy whipping cream 1/4 cup evaporated milk 1/8 teaspoon salt 1 can (14 ounces) sweetened condensed milk 2 teaspoons vanilla extract Optional: Honey, whipped cream and maraschino cherries Instructions: In a large skillet, melt butter over medium heat. Add cornflakes and cinnamon; cook and stir until golden brown, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat; stir in sugar. Cool completely. In a large bowl, beat cream, evaporated milk and salt until the mixture begins to thicken. Gradually beat in condensed milk and vanilla until thickened. Sprinkle half the cornflakes onto the bottom of a greased 9-in. square baking pan. Pour creamy filling over the crust; sprinkle with remaining cornflakes. Cover and freeze overnight. Cut into bars. If desired, serve with honey, whipped cream and cherries. How's your cube game looking? When we think "cubes" we think of "ice", or "Rubik's" or perhaps "cheese." And if we're old school, we're still using ice cube trays. Imagine Ice cube trays of all cube sizes, and not just for use in the freezer. How 'bout cubing things in the oven, too? We know. Mind. Blown. Think of the possibilities: pre-portioned foods like chilis, stews, soups, meatloaves, and more stored in the freezer in non-wastable-sized portions, then popped in the oven for delicious goodness. Souper Cubes come in 2 cups, 1 cup, 1/2 cup, and 2 tablespoon portions. The 100% food-grade silicone containers are BPA free and can be frozen or baked up to 415 degrees F. Nifty! Well, if we're gonna impulse buy this, we're gonna put it to good use. Here's a tasty recipe from Souper Cubes. No Bake Cookies and Cream Cheesecake Ice Cream Bars Ingredients: Cookie Crust: 20 Oreo cookies 1 stick (½ cup) unsalted butter, melted Filling: 12 Oreo cookies 16 ounces (2 packages) cream cheese, at room temperature ¼ cup granulated sugar ¼ cup powdered sugar 1 tablespoon lemon juice ½ teaspoon vanilla extract ⅛ teaspoon salt 2 cups cold heavy cream Instructions: To prepare crust: Add 20 Oreo cookies to the bowl of a food processor. Blend, scraping down the sides of the bowl as necessary, until fine crumbs form. Drizzle in ½ cup melted butter and pulse until the mixture looks like wet sand. Set aside. To prepare filling: Place 12 Oreo cookies in a zip top bag and crush with a meat mallet, rolling pin, or heavy glass. Set aside. Beat 16 oz (2 packages) cream cheese, ¼ cup sugar, ¼ cup powdered sugar, 1 Tbsp, ½ teaspoon vanilla extract, and ⅛ teaspoon salt in the bowl of a stand mixer with the paddle attachment or in a large bowl with a hand mixer until fully incorporated and resembling a paste. If using a stand mixer, swap the paddle attachment for the whisk attachment. Add 2 cups heavy cream to the cream cheese mixture in the bowl. Whisk on low until combined, then increase the speed to medium and mix until the filling is whipped, 3 to 4 minutes. Stir in the reserved bag of crushed Oreo cookies. To assemble cheesecakes: Place a small amount of the cookie crust mixture to just cover the bottom of the Souper Cubes tray wells. Pat down the crust with the back of a spoon, a small rubber spatula, or a clean finger. Top with the cheesecake filling and spread evenly across the crust. Place a lid on each tray and freeze overnight. The fruit that led to the downfall of mankind happens to be our favorite: Apples. But more importantly, there's an entire day dedicated to the Opal Apple. And that day is December 9th. Why? We don't really know. Perhaps that was the day that this hybrid apple was created (it's a cross between a Golden Delicious and a Topaz Apple), or it was the only day their money could buy to make it a "holiday". Whatever. Guess this uniquely crunchy, sweet and tangy temptress should be enjoyed-- especially since they don't brown. What? P.S. We'd prefer a Diamond Apple over an Opal, because it's the better gem.. Well, to celebrate-- try this apple recipe-- whether you use Opals or not! Apple Pecan Loaf Cake* recipe by Kitchen Confidante Ingredients: 2 cups flour 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon 1/2 cup unsalted butter 1 cup brown sugar 1 teaspoon vanilla 1 egg 1 cup buttermilk 2 apples, diced, about 2 cups (Opal® Apples were beautiful in this) 1/2 cup pecans, crushed, divided Instructions: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Prepare 2 loaf pans (I used 1.5 lb pans measuring 10x5x3 inches) by lightly coating with baking spray (or butter), and lining with parchment paper. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, salt and cinnamon, and set aside. In the bowl of an electric mixer, cream butter and sugar together. Add vanilla and egg, mix well, scraping down the sides of the bowl with a spatula. Add the buttermilk and flour mixture in batches, alternating. Stir in the apples and 1/4 cup of pecans. Divide the batter into two loaf pans. Bake for about 30 minutes, or until golden, and a toothpick inserted comes out clean. Let it cool in the pans for about 5 minutes, then gently transfer to a wire rack to cool. While the loaves are still warm, spoon some caramel sauce over the tops and sprinkle with pecans. Serve warm or at room temperature. Death by Chocolate. It seems like the perfect way to die if you’re into chocolate. Morbid, yet delicious, no? If you’re a little twisted like we are, and you’re a foodie—then this book is a must: 50 Things to Bake Before You Die: The World’s Best Cakes, Pies, Brownies, Cookies, and More from Your Favorite Bakers, Including Christina Tosi, Joanne Chang, and Dominique Ansel. Reading that title alone entitles you to a treat. Anywho, this book is for at-home bakers who want to make pro-grade desserts. As in taste, not presentation. That’s a relief to us, because we can’t frost or decorate any cake or cupcake that doesn’t look like a toddler did it. The pictures in this book are stunning, and the recipes are easy. How ‘bout Homemade Oreos? Strawberry Champagne Cupcakes? Chocolate Babka? This is the kind of bucket list we’re totally down for. Because skydiving isn’t for us. Pre-order now on Amazon. When the weather is cold and dreadful, one dreams of a vacation in a warmer climate. But, for whatever reason, a trip may not be in the cards. The next best thing? Feeding your soul (and your tummy) with something that feels like vacation. From the chefs at Royal Caribbean, their famous cookie recipe. Crank the heat, put on some shorts, and pretend to be Southern-bound. Coconut Ranger Cookies Ingredients: 600 grams all-purpose flour 1/2 teaspoon baking soda 500 grams unsalted butter, softened 500 grams brown sugar 80 grams dried coconut, shredded 100 milliliters coconut milk 6 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla extract Directions: Preheat oven to 350 F (176 C). In a bowl, sift together the flour and baking soda. In another bowl, beat butter with brown sugar until smooth. Beat in eggs one by one until well blended. Mix in the coconut milk and vanilla extract. Fold in dry mixture of flour and baking soda, and then the dried coconut until evenly distributed throughout the batter. Using an ice-cream scoop or 1/4-cup measure, scoop cookie dough onto a baking sheet and mold into a circular shape. Bake until slightly puffed but barely colored, 9-12 minutes. Let the cookies cool before digging in. Makes 24. Admittedly, we're not into making an ice cream commitment. We're more of "this is just a summer fling". Which is perfectly okay. What we don't demolish in the colder months, we make up for come summer. Plus, it's hard to not feel like a carefree child again when you're enjoying a cone or a sundae. And for us, that's a chocolate cone or sundae. According to Damn Good Ice Cream, chocolate rules. P.S. Are we the only one that isn't down with the looks of this graphic? Calling Captain Deuce... Anywho... There are some ambitious folk out there that actually have the time to make their own ice cream. We're so jealous... Vanilla is the most-searched recipe, followed by strawberry, and chocolate. But avocado, green tea, and pumpkin are gaining in popularity. We're not that trendy. Here's an easy dessert featuring ice cream, courtesy of Betty Crocker. Fudge Ice-Cream Dessert Ingredients: 1 box Betty Crocker™ Super Moist™ chocolate fudge cake mix ½ cup butter or margarine, melted 3 eggs 1 can or jar (16 oz) hot fudge topping, warmed 2 cups chopped Oreo chocolate creme sandwich cookies (20 cookies) ½ gallon vanilla ice cream, slightly softened Instructions: Heat oven to 350°F (325°F for dark or nonstick pan). Line bottom and sides of 13x9-inch pan with foil, leaving foil overhanging at 2 opposite sides of pan. Grease or spray bottom only of foil. In large bowl, mix cake mix, butter and eggs with spoon until blended (batter will be very thick). Using greased fingers, spread or pat in pan. Bake 18 to 21 minutes or until surface appears dry and is no longer shiny. Run knife around side of cake to loosen. Cool completely in pan, about 1 hour. Spread warmed fudge topping over cake; sprinkle with 1 cup of the chopped cookies. Freeze until firm, about 30 minutes. Spread ice cream over cookies. Cover and freeze at least 4 hours or overnight until firm. Sprinkle with remaining 1 cup chopped cookies. Let stand 15 to 20 minutes before serving. For easier cutting, remove from pan, using foil to lift. Store covered in freezer. Is it just us, or do the Dutch kind of seem a little perfect? Yeah. We hate them, too. A Dutch Masterpiece is a collection of four premium mature cheeses that’s won some awards worldwide. Blah, blah, blah. Those cheeses are: Rembrandt: Traditionally ripened for one year, this award-winning Extra Aged Gouda Cheese has a firm texture and a robust flavor, and an exceptional taste. Vincent: Where Gouda Meets Parmesan flavor, this rich sweet-tasting fully ripened for six months Dutch Cheese releases pleasant characteristic bursts of flavor with every bite. Frans Hals: A rich-aged Dutch goat cheese that is naturally matured for up to six months. Frans Hals is made from 100 percent goat's milk to create a unique, full-bodied taste and delicate aroma. Vermeer: Traditionally ripened for five months, this award-winning aged Dutch Gouda cheese has a delicate fruity taste with a delightful flavor. We don’t know if our mouths are good enough to even eat these cheeses. But… what’s good for the Dutch is gouda enough for us. Speaking of gouda, try this recipe featuring some award-winning cheese. And feel fancy… A Dutch Masterpiece Gouda Cookies Ingredients: 250 g almond flour 150 g grated Vermeer Gouda cheese 50 g butter or ghee 1 egg 1/2 teaspoon chili powder 1/2 teaspoon pepper Directions: Place all ingredients in a food processor and process until it starts forming a dough. Place on some plastic wrap and form into a flat disk. Freeze for at least an hour to set. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees and line your baking trays with parchment. Take the dough out of the freezer. Place on your countertop and unwrap. Place another plastic wrap on top of the dough and roll out to 1 cm thickness. Remove the top plastic wrap and cut out the cookies with your cookie cutters. Place on the baking trays and top with the sage leaves. Bake for 10 minutes. Take out of the oven and let cool on the baking trays for 10 minutes and then transfer to a wire rack to fully cool down. Serve with some honey and herb salt. |
AuthorThe cracked Crack Wise Staff-- warriors of the Funformation Movement. Archives
May 2024
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