I made the mistake of clicking on a “racy” item on Wish. Check that. It was no mistake. Some of these items are hilarious, and the descriptions are the best—so many times lost in translation due to the English/Chinese thing.
But… I’m gonna have to say it’s a hard no (so to speak) on this item:
I mean, I think it’s great there’s lingerie for men. But this isn’t really sexy.
And this. I have no words:
What are the arrows supposed to indicate!?!? Ventilation? Is there some kind of fragrance or cologne that emanates from the crotchal region? Or is this for dudes that have stank crotch?
I bet some idiot’s gonna wear this as a Coronavirus mask…
I see you, Amazon. You know I can't quit you. And frankly, I don't want to. You've provided me with convenient bargains for years. My inner lazy luves you. And you know me. You really do. Like when you flashed me the ad for this on Facebook:
You knew I'd peep it. And my thought is: "F&ck the children." Don't get me wrong. I love kids. They're precious. They're the future. But they shouldn't get to have all the damned fun. So, I want this pizza slice lounging-chair thing. I'm making it #lifegoals. Why? Because I'm grown. And have money. And have no kids. So my inner kid and barren womb need nurtured. Yes, I'm going to fall off of this because I'm too damned big.
Mind your business, and get off my lawn!
There are days where I'd rather have a plate of Spam than deal with spam email. Though spam email has provided some fodder for this blog on more than one occasion. Props for being a tad bit more savvy, scammers, but I see you!
You might catch someone off guard with this. You're using the company name properly with the little "e" and capital "H". but... The weirdo fonts is a dead giveaway, and the "eHarmonyPartner" one-word thing.
This pic almost looks legit-- complete with "company" address and the "click to unsubscribe" link. Which I'm sure is some kind of virus. Oh, and I'm not single... so..
Then there's this:
Uhmmm. Am I supposed to hit "reply"? So glad you have a "genuine" investment op-- unlike the disingenuous ones/ Whew!
And then there's this one:
I'm puzzled. Because I'm not a member. And I've never served in the military. So, I'm not going to validate you or me now,. And... what's with the blank picture. At least the eHarmony scam had a legit-ish pic.
So I see this email in my inbox:
I almost spit out my tea. Is the Universe testing my maturity level? Because I will fail every time. When I read “The Most-Romantic Steak Dinner”, I out loud replied:
It is Valentine’s Day, and I’m figuring a lot of tube steak dinners are going to be served hot and ready for… consumption. No?
This I know… But I’m feeling like this Jesus is a little scammy…
Happy New Year! I hope the start of the year is already off to a great start for you and your company!
I just wanted to touch base with you and see if you needed any additional capital to get your company started on the right foot this new year? We currently have your company conditionally approved for a line of credit just over $220,000. Please give me a call at (949) 484-7735, 7AM-4PM PST, or simply reply to this email to get started on your LOC options.
Please feel free to also learn more about your line of credit offer and options by clicking here. I look forward to working with you and your company!Thanks!
Wow! That's so awesome that you're gonna give me money for Crack Wise. And all without my SSN. Oh, wait. You probs want me to call to give you my SSN and then... what? And that interesting loan amount: $220,000. Not a simple, easy-peasy quarter of a mil. But *this* amount.
I don't know what Jesus would do, but I know what I would do in this instance. Say: "Girl, Bye!"
P.S. The overuse of your exclamation points just make you seem extra desperate! Like you really want to not really help! Can't wait to never speak to you!
Bidets have forever been ruined for me ever since comedian Mike Conley of Conley’s Corner defined a bidet as “water toilet paper”. I mean, he’s not wrong. But I’m guessing bidets are growing, or is that flowing, in popularity because it seems like I’m seeing these ads in my inbox, on my social media… It’s like they’re trying to shove it up my…
This. This right here is why I’m not gonna bidet-it any time soon. Is the water stream so powerful that I can ride atop it? (Like the woman in this pic) Or cleanse my tonsils with it?
Maybe I need to try one so I can understand WTF is what with this thing. Because wouldn’t I need a drying function as well? Is there a butt dryer next to the hand dryer?
I’ve come to embrace all the creepy awesomeness that is Halloween. One of these years, I’m gonna jump all skeleton-in and decorate like crazy. But I don’t understand why I’m getting creepy Halloween items in my social media feeds, when I haven’t searched for any Halloween-related items!!!
Because this mother-effin’ thing is haunting me:
We all know that Ring Around the Rosie is one twisted little kid's game about the Black Plague. If it really isn’t, it’s still morose. Anyhow, nice try on attempting to make this item sound cute:
I mean, if I really need any amount of creepy I can walk into any Walmart. Is that what Walmart is really advertising?
Scammers. They try to suck the benjamins right out of you every chance they get. Some are really savvy. With a majority of people using the Netflix platform, these toolbags probably think they've got a 90% chance of rippin' someone off.
Dear Netflix User,
Your Netflix has been temporarily suspended, due to some error detected on your billing details.
We urge you to CLICK HERE to confirm your billing details, so you can continue enjoying unlimted movies.
Netflix Billing Department.
Wait! I use Netflix! Holy sh*t! I need to contact them immediately. Oh, wait. Our account is in my hubby's name. Oh, and the email address is not even close to being legit:
Nice try. Go bottom-feed elsewhere...
So, I saw this cute little (really little) house for sale. It's on Otter Dr.
The only way I would live here is if an actual otter came with this house. Could you imagine? A pet otter!?!? I kinda think this is false advertising. Where are the damned otters!?!? LOL
Yup. This is how my mind works sometimes (most of the time).
I'm adventurous. Not skydiving-adventurous. But I'm fun. Just not into this...
Who knew Pinterest was all "get yo freak on"? Not that we're judging, but I love chocolate cake. Not in my "mount" or "mound" or "bundt" for the record...
The "H" and "N" are near each other on the keyboard, but it's not like they typed "moutn". So, I'm thinking this is some kind of after hours dessert....
P.S. Shouldn't this be a triple layer cake if it's "mount"? I think of tall things that require a stepladder, be it food or "friend"...
Editor-in-chief Kathy Vogel shares what's on her mind... through her fingers.