Some viral challenges are cool. But let’s face it. Most are downright stupid. The latest stupid challenge: Sunburn Tattoos.
Dumbasses are putting stencils or stickers on their skin, they lying in the sun without sunscreen. After they turn a nice shade of burnt, they remove the stencil to reveal their “tattoo.”
Board certified plastic surgeon Dr. Manish Shah says this challenge is dangerous. “At first glance, it may look like harmless fun in the sun. The bottom line is that sunburn tattoos are extremely dangerous and can put you at serious risk of skin cancer… For the stencil, or tattoo, to be visible, you would have to damage the surrounding tissue enough that it either tans heavily or burns.”
Dr. Shah says he’d rather see his teenagers get real tattoos than do this b.s. challenge. Oh, snap!
Some people like to get out and enjoy nature while on vacation: hiking, kayaking, exploring. Others like to do nothing: sun, swim, read, beverage… repeat.
One billion travelers are expected to make wellness-inspired trips this year. If healing natural springs, therapeutic baths, and lots of Oceanside relaxation sounds like your way to unwind—think Jamaica, mon!
Here are some places you might want to consider:
Wash Away the Stress at Milk River Bath
On the South Coast of the island in the town of Milk River, travelers can experience one of the best mineral baths in the world. Milk River Bath contains high levels of magnesium, calcium, sulfate and natural chloride, averaging consistent temperatures of 90 to 95 degrees Fahrenheit throughout the year. Its waters have been found to be remarkably radioactive, more so than those of leading European spas, (54 times the strength of the minerals at the luxurious Baden Spa in Switzerland). The mineral waters are especially recommended as a treatment for those suffering from rheumatism, arthritis, sciatica and nerve conditions as well as liver disorders. The Milk River Hotel & Spa offers absolute peace and serenity among the lush landscape of rural Jamaica with access to Milk River Bath. As part of its spa experience, the hotel allows visitors to privately enjoy the therapeutic virtues of the bath, in exclusively assigned bath houses.
Crack Wise-dom: Now we want Oreos…
Refresh with a Traditional Jamaican Bush Bath
A traditional form of healing ailments in Jamaican culture, a bush bath is a must-try treatment for wellness-driven travelers. Often prepared outdoors, a bush bath can utilize a variety of fresh herbs, roots, leaves and fruits, steeped in a running bath to treat stress, common colds, skin conditions and more. Visitors can experience this homeopathic therapy at various spas throughout the island including Fern Tree Spa at Half Moon or FieldSpa at Golden Eye, which offers four different Healing Waters Bush Baths.
Crack Wise-dom: Not without buying us dinner first…
Check-in for an Oceanfront Wellness Retreat
On Negril’s west end, Jackie’s On The Reef provides a wellness retreat dedicated to nurturing the mind, body and soul. The whimsical waterfront property offers guests endless opportunities to connect with the sea including yoga, meditation, and spa treatments. One of its most notable offerings, the Watsu treatment, combines the use of water with the principles of shiatsu to create a nurturing form of bodywork. Guided by a specialized therapist, the treatment takes place in warm, waist-deep water to take weight off the vertebrae, allowing the spine to twist and stretch – ultimately relieving pressure off the nerves and organs. Watsu can be a profound treatment believed to treat the mind and renew a person’s sense of connection and oneness with others.
Crack Wise-dom: All we can think of is Waygu. Do they serve steak here?
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After what seems like a very, very long, dark period of time known as Winter—we can’t help but get excited to soak up some rays. Most of the time we foolishly soak up those rays, because the sun ain’t gonna burn us that badly.
HA HA HA!
If you’ve neglected your sunscreen—or weren’t mindful of re-application-- and burnt yourself to a crisp, you’ve probably done anything to get rid of that stinging pain. You might be making things worst.
Dr. Sheel Desai Solomon, board-certified dermatologist and founder of Preston Dermatology, has this list of things to avoid after a bad sunburn.
Some cologne may contain ingredients that make you more prone to burning. "Oil of bergamot is especially notorious for this," explains Dr. Solomon "and can cause a severe, blistering reaction when it's on your skin and exposed to the sun. Other perfume ingredients and essential oils, like rosemary and lavender oils, can make your skin more sensitive to the rays, too, Dr. Solomon adds. To play it safe, avoid spraying any scents onto your skin before you go outside.
Taking an anti-inflammatory medication, like acetaminophen or ibuprofen, can help soothe your skin once you're sunburned. However, nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs), like ibuprofen and naproxen, can also leave you more vulnerable to getting burned in the first place. However, NSAIDs aren't the only ones that can raise your risk of getting fried. Topical acne medications like benzoyl peroxide and salicylic acid, antihistamines, antibiotics-- even OTC supplements like St. John's Wort can make you burn more easily. Avoiding direct sunlight after applying or taking these medications is your best bet, but if you need to head outside, protect your skin with SPF 30 sunscreen and covering up with long sleeves, hats.
Taking Hot Showers
When your skin gets a little too toasted, you may notice that it tends to feel dry as it heals. Even if you're not in physical pain, taking hot showers can strip your skin of essential oils, which can dry it out even further and make it more sensitive. While cold showers typically feel uncomfortable, sticking to lukewarm or cool showers when you're burned will ease discomfort. The temperature should be no warmer than what you would expect from a heated pool, which is around 84 degrees.
Wearing Tight Clothing
Wearing tight clothing over sunburnt skin is not advised, because inflammation is setting in. This results in redness, warmth, and inflammation to the area. Wearing tight clothes could amplify the response, which could lead to more intense swelling and blisters. Alternatively, you can avoid sunburns altogether and use the best sunscreen for your skin type.
Don't Use Scented Aloe
Aloe has anti-inflammatory properties and is suitable for your skin after you get a sunburn. However, using a scented aloe can irritate the skin even more. Use a fragrance-free aloe or using aloe directly from an aloe plant.
Don't Cover that Burn With Makeup
Even though your sunburn might look bad, avoid covering it up with makeup. "The only way the burn will heal is if you let your skin breathe," says Dr. Solomon.
Don't Pop Your Blisters
Similar to not peeling your skin, you should never pop blisters. "That extra bubble of skin serves a fundamental purpose in protecting the wound," says Dr. Solomon.
Not Drinking Enough Water
Sunburns dehydrate you from the inside out, so you really should be drinking 8 to 10 glasses of water a day to rejuvenate the skin.
While scrubbing dead skin off your body helps to you then the skin, it's one of the worst things you can do on a sunburn. When your skin is burnt from the sun, exfoliating only exposes the damaged layer of skin, even more, causing pain and further irritation. Instead, use a gentle moisturizer or mask to treat damaged skin.
Don't Use Coconut Oil or Butter
You may have heard before that lathering butter or coconut oil will soothe your burn, but it's a myth. The skin is hot and needs to cool down, applying a fat-based product onto your skin will not only clog the pores and stop the healing process, but it might also aggravate inflammation.
Crack Wise-dom: And if you’re planning on soaking up the sun in the buff, sunscreen all your parts. You don’t want blisters and peeling and stinging from that…
Meditation sounds like a lovely concept: turning off the mind, focusing on breathing, reaching a higher level of consciousness. But your mind starts to race, the phone rings, and you’re just doing it “wrong.”
Don’t give up on ohm-ing yet. Briana Borten is here to help. She’s the founder of The Dragontree, a wellness organization with holistic spas, a product line, and online resources for vibrant living. She’s also co-author of the best-selling book, The Well Life.
She offers these things:
Move your body before sitting: Many people just try to introduce a meditation practice into a fairly sedentary daily routine and find that their body resists and their mind continues to race.
Briana’s tip: Introduce movement before your meditation. She likes to say that movement in your body and stillness in your mind helps create balance because particularly for those of us sitting in offices, we usually have so much stillness in our bodies and movement in our minds. Take a walk, go to a dance class, go for a run - moving your body beforehand will make it easier to be still and go deeper into your meditation afterwards.
Crack Wise-dom: Does running to the liquor store count?
Be realistic with the time period you set: Setting a timer for 20-min and telling yourself “it’s time to meditate,” is a tough feat...no wonder you’re getting frustrated! Don’t let duration be your hurdle.
Briana’s tip: Even taking one or two minutes a day to be mindful is powerful. Take time to find one object around you and become present and attuned to that object. Briana recommends doing this in nature if you can. Find something that’s real in front of you and realize it’s more real than 99% of the thoughts coming and going in your head.
Crack Wise-dom: How’d you know about our duration? Did you speak to our last date?
Bring in fire: Fire has historically been used as a means for connection. We’ve gathered around the fire to tell stories, hold ceremonies and rituals. Today, as we turn to electronic screens more and more, it’s important to bring real light and warmth back into our lives.
Briana’s tip: Light a fire or even just a candle and stare at it with your eyes open for a minute. Perhaps ask the fire to burn away anything that is not present in your life. Doing this is a great place to start your meditation journey.
Crack Wise-dom: But don’t burn off your arm hair. That happened to a friend.
Be forgiving with yourself: If your thoughts wander, don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember that you are not your thoughts.
Briana’s tip: If you find that your first few (or few hundred) meditation practices involve continuously forgiving yourself for allowing your mind to wander, that’s a win in itself, and also a great place to begin.
Crack Wise-dom: Cheese… We could go for a grilled cheese… Did we do a load of underwear? Damnit. Footloose and crotch-free for the next day…
*Yes, we just entirely made up a word for the title of this story.
Gather ‘round, ladies. We need to talk about something you may not want to talk about due to… embarrassment:
We all need to stay in balance and healthy. So if the muffin is goin’ stale, turn to Momotaro Apotheca, a non-binary brand of Certified Organic vaginal wellness products.
“(The company) was inspired by my own experience dealing with recurrent yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis, along with what seemed like a string of bad luck with big-brand over-the-counter and prescription options,” said Momotaro Apotheca Founder, Lindsay Wynn. “We’re a direct-to-consumer company that takes people out of the feminine care aisle with products that acknowledge that feelings, scent, and discomfort are not things to be covered up; rather they’re to be discussed and taken care of in a realistic way.”
Your lady parts will be doing a happy dance. And not from an itch, but because Momotaro Apotheca is really down with down-there health.
*Crack Wise considered these other story titles:
Eliminate Rotten Box
This is cool and it’s cool that dialogue about previously-hushed issues is no longer that way.
Charity Bomb & Strange Entertainment in partnership with Plex bring us Strange 80s – A Benefit for Mental Health. This star-studded rockumentary features performances and interviews with Corey Taylor from Slipknot / Stone Sour, Noodles from The Offspring, Chris Kirkpatrick from NSYNC, Jesse Hughes from Eagles of Death Metal, John 5 from Rob Zombie, Frank Zummo from Sum41 and many more. Now available exclusively via Plex, the film features live footage from the last three Strange 80s shows, as well as interviews with artists about their personal experiences with mental health issues.
Fans can register via Plex for free and stream the documentary now.
Donations from previous Strange 80s concerts have benefitted "320 Changes Directions,” Talinda Bennington's mental health initiative, serving those who suffer from mental health, depression and addiction issues. Donors who text the code "TAKEMYHAND" to 44-321 will see the campaign page as well. Charity Bomb has raised over $20,000 in donations for 320 Changes Directions.
Featured talent in the documentary includes David Hasselhoff, Scott Shriner, Tyler Bates, Aimee Allen, Kevn Bivona, John Lawry, Charlie Benante, Scott Ian, Adrian Young, Mason Young, Corey Taylor, Deryck Whibley, Frank Zummo, Jaret Reddick, Dan Konopka, Noodles, Marko DeSantis, Chris Kirkpatrick, The Regrettes, Nik Frost, Dave Kushner, Pearl Aday, Jenny Vee, Jessie Hughes, Tye Trujillo, Kristopher Roe, Chelsea Talmadge, Stacy Dee, Tom Payne, Melatonin, Bleach, Black Veil Brides, John Ceravolo, Ali Spagnola, Brittany Furlan, Candace Lowry, Savannah Outen, Nikki Limo, Andy Lalwani, Peng Peng Lee, Dennis Haskins, and Matt Pinfield.
In this world, we need to support one another...
The Japanese just seem to be better at so many things. They’re even better at relaxation and sleep. Goku no Kimochi is the most sought-after massage establishment in Japan. Their waiting list across all branches is 436,000 people. And now there’s a location in NYC.
Finally, we Americans are getting some fancy TLC!
The most requested service is their “Zeccho Sleep”. Aligning the hands and fingers to provide perfect pressure on the scalp, a Japanese head massage therapist releases tension in muscles around the head and eye areas, promoting good blood circulation. As a result, the mind and brain become totally relaxed, leading to improved health, focus, and lower stress levels.
Partakers experience a sense of euphoria. This in return, produces a more-restful sleep.
Just looking at the above picture is making us feel soooo relaxed. Why can’t something like this be an Amazon Prime product? Deliver this to us, please!
Guess a bottle of Riunite will just have to do…
The gym can be an intimidating place. Whether you feel like you don’t match up physically with your peers, or you’re freaked out by the weights section, gym-timidation is real.
Blink Fitness is re-introducing its “Every Body Happy” campaign to help make the gym a more inviting, accepting environment.
Blink did some research (no, not Conley’s cracked research) that showed that 46% of people are “extremely interested” in joining a gym that celebrates a body positive, inclusive atmosphere.
Also, Blink discovered that people that stay active tend to be happier, and that people go to the gym to achieve a balance of mind and body and to relieve the stress of their personal and professional lives.
Thanks, Blink, for the good vibes. Now, let’s work on these love handles… after we finish this slice of pizza.
Vanity. It’s the bane of our existence. Thanks to social media, even the most confident of folk can feel insecure about their appearance thanks to rampant faking via filters. Men are not immune to such insecurities.
Even though every survey we’ve read shows that women are down with “dad bods”, apparently men aren’t feeling the love. Many middle-aged men are getting the “Daddy Do-Over” so they look good while at work or on the beach.
Some of the most popular procedures according to Dr. Daria Hannah of Nova Surgicare include:
Chiseled Chins: One of the biggest requests from male patients that can be achieved by strategically placing filler along the jawline and in the chin area with little to no downtime
Neck Tie Tuck: A NEW procedure that tightens that pesky extra skin and/or fat that hangs over the shirt collar with two small incisions
Botox for Business Men: More and more men are getting Botox and other injectables for its many benefits such as its ability to decrease migraines and excessive sweating
Some men are going for broke, maybe literally, with more invasive procedures like lipo on the chest, abs and flanks.
Crack Wise-dom: Things men should be doing over in middle age
Re-evaluate why they slept with that skank Tina, Lindsey, Faith, etc… Nevermind. You were lonely and randy…
Learning how to wash their own damn clothes. There are videos on YouTube if you’re really that ignorant.
Stop eating large amounts of fast foods. Your colon is getting it’s revenge and it won’t stop.
Haus of V is a creative collective that shares a similar mindset -- with a twist.