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CRACK WISE MAG

Suzi sPEAKS

Just an average girl looking for her dream gig. Hit me up at: speakssuzi@gmail.com

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Snow Bunny

10/2/2018

 
​I love winter! I actually love all seasons because they’re each awesome in their own special way. So this job would be so cool!
​​
Snow Reporter
(redacted) located in (redacted) is gracious in ambiance and generous in amenities. A favorite retreat of presidents, poets and celebrities, the hotel delights every sense with enchanting music, refined dining and luxurious décor.

Job Description
Report daily snow conditions in various means, including but not limited to the website, internal reporting, snow phone, etc.

Responsibilities
Prepare timely snow condition reports in morning and afternoon and distribute all reports to internal departments, and external websites.

Update the snow phone in the morning and afternoon.

Shoot daily photos of mountain activities and upload onto company website, external websites, and email copies to outside marketing parties.

Gather guest contact information for Guest Research Survey purposes.
​
Qualifications
Must have exceptional communication skills.
Must be able to ski/snowboard at least at an intermediate level.
Must be able to work flexible hours, including weekends and holidays.
​

Suzi's Cover Letter:

Dear Sir/Sirs or Madam (not in the prostitute kind of way),

I like winter because I’m one of the few people whose skin looks good and my cheeks get the perfect shade of pink! So, this job is right up a mountain for me. Get it? Mountain, snow, skiing!

This opening would give me the perfect excuse to buy cute ski clothes. I love the whole ski lodge/ski slope fashion. I would totally rock one of those big fluffy hats and UGGs.

I’m really good with snow. I used to make snow forts and pretend I lived all by myself to escape my nasty, skanky sister. Those were the days. Oh, I can snowboard. I once entered a bikini snowboard competition and I was awesome snowboarding until my boobie popped out. And it was flopping around. And I was afraid of getting frostbite. But other than that it was super duper.

And I’ve always wanted to be a reporter. Can I carry around a microphone just for funsies? We could call my reports: Suzi’s Snow Job. Yay!

Oh, I’m a good communicator cuz I’m sharing all this stuff with you. I’m an open book!

I just had a great idea! I think we should think outside the box. Some people like to get frisky in the snow I guess to make body heat so they don’t get hypothermatic. We should photograph that, too, cuz it’s like an unofficial first aid tip. Right?

I can’t wait to chat with you.

Hugs & Hot Chugs,
Suzi


Comments are closed.

    Author

    I'm just your average girl who wants a kick-ass life and... love! If I could be a superhero, that would be AWESOME! I'm currently a "phone actress" looking for a really cool career. Don't get me wrong-- I love giving a hand to dudes who need someone to chat with. Everybody needs somebody! But, my parents keep telling me I need a respectable job.  Sigh.

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