Most of us desire to make a good first impression. And many times, we don't have to sweat it. People like us. But... and that's where comedian Mike Conley comes in. Here's a clip from the latest episode of Conley's Corner:
Enjoy the rest of this episode with your fee 10-day trial to Crack Wise.
Etc: Bust My Butt
From Crack Wise Editor-in-Chief Kathy Vogel:
If you’ve got money to burn and no pride, you can spend it on this Bubble Wrap Suit Zoltan Costume from the movie “Dude, Where’s My Car”?
Yes, it’s made of real bubble wrap. I love popping bubble wrap. Can’t resist. So let’s say you drop the $24.95 from What On Earth on this bad boy. And then you get drunk and inevitably sweat inside this plastic death trap? You’re gonna stink. And slip, and slide. And your dumbass friends are going to pop you. Not in the fun, let’s-knock-da-boots, kind of way. But actually pop you. To me, this is not worth the $24.95. Because if I drop my dining-out budget on this suit, I need to get a couple of wears out of it. Also, I’m sure I could make this myself for a fraction of the cost. With some of the over-packing Amazon does, I’ve got enough bubble wrap for a wedding gown.
Then, there’s this:
Pillow soft? Like My Pillow? Or what pillow exactly? Also, do the foil stripes come with each pair of panties, or am I totally out of the panty loop? That’s gonna be some jacked-up tan lines. Or perhaps she’s treating herself like she’d treat a baking pie—putting foil over the crust so you don’t want it to burn. Or is this some nouveau jogger fashion? Instead of jogging in my reflective vest, I’ve got a reflective ass…
That’s all the random thoughts I have… for now…
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Life: Raise Your Glasses High
We’re raising our hands here with a touch of shame. After blasting the mere thought of wasting precious moments watching reality TV, we fell down the rabbit hole. We enjoy reality TV. Why? Because it’s mindless television. No need to pay attention to plot twists. Most “plots” involve:
Beautiful People + rumors = cat fights
We enjoy the Bravo show Vanderpump Rules. If we were decades younger with a tighter bod, we’d definitely want to live this life of who-gives-a-sh*t. Plus, a five-figure pay day per episode ain’t bad.
The goddess herself, Lisa Vanderpump, is set to debut Vanderpump Cocktail Garden at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas.
We need a ticket, stat!
“I have always loved Las Vegas --it has always been a dream of mine to see our brand in lights at the iconic Caesars Palace,” said Lisa. “Vanderpump Cocktail Garden will combine the sexy atmosphere of our other establishments injected with the Vegas energy that brings millions of guests who visit year after year.”
Vanderpump Cocktail Garden will feature an indoor patio to welcome arriving guests who will then enjoy a fresco-style garden with towering trees and romantic lighting. Seating inside will feature Vanderpump’s favorite color—pink—with contrasting “masculine” details. Hope that doesn’t mean hanging schlongs…
Guests will nibble on small bites while enjoying craft cocktails and Vanderpump Sangria.
We dream of possessing just a fraction of Lisa’s fabulosity… Maybe if we visit the new hot spot, we can absorb it through osmosis...
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Haus of V is a creative collective that shares a similar mindset -- with a twist.