Funformation
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Can you hear that? It's the pounds that you're going to pile on this holiday season. Don't fret, though, because we're right with you. There is never a shortage of treats to get into since Halloween through the last day of the current year. But which treat really gets those flab rolls a flabbin' some more? According to Wisevoter, we love us some cheesecake. It tops the list in 28 states for favorite holiday goodie. Sugar cookies are second most popular, followed by cinnamon rolls. Get on Santa's good side for next year by leaving him a slice when he pops in. Holiday Cheesecake Squares*recipe courtesy of Kraft Ingredients: 1-1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs 1/3 cup butter, melted 3 Tbsp. sugar 3 pkg. (8 oz. each) PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, softened 3/4 cup sugar 1 tsp. vanilla 3 eggs suggested decorations: decorating gels, colored sprinkles Instructions: Heat oven to 350°F. Mix graham crumbs, butter and 3 Tbsp. sugar; press onto bottom of 13x9-inch pan. Beat cream cheese, 3/4 cup sugar and vanilla with mixer until blended. Add eggs; mix just until blended. Pour over crust. Bake 30 min. or until center is almost set. Cool. Refrigerate 3 hours. Cut into bars. Decorate with gels and sprinkles to resemble presents. The fruit that led to the downfall of mankind happens to be our favorite: Apples. But more importantly, there's an entire day dedicated to the Opal Apple. And that day is December 9th. Why? We don't really know. Perhaps that was the day that this hybrid apple was created (it's a cross between a Golden Delicious and a Topaz Apple), or it was the only day their money could buy to make it a "holiday". Whatever. Guess this uniquely crunchy, sweet and tangy temptress should be enjoyed-- especially since they don't brown. What? P.S. We'd prefer a Diamond Apple over an Opal, because it's the better gem.. Well, to celebrate-- try this apple recipe-- whether you use Opals or not! Apple Pecan Loaf Cake* recipe by Kitchen Confidante Ingredients: 2 cups flour 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon 1/2 cup unsalted butter 1 cup brown sugar 1 teaspoon vanilla 1 egg 1 cup buttermilk 2 apples, diced, about 2 cups (Opal® Apples were beautiful in this) 1/2 cup pecans, crushed, divided Instructions: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Prepare 2 loaf pans (I used 1.5 lb pans measuring 10x5x3 inches) by lightly coating with baking spray (or butter), and lining with parchment paper. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, salt and cinnamon, and set aside. In the bowl of an electric mixer, cream butter and sugar together. Add vanilla and egg, mix well, scraping down the sides of the bowl with a spatula. Add the buttermilk and flour mixture in batches, alternating. Stir in the apples and 1/4 cup of pecans. Divide the batter into two loaf pans. Bake for about 30 minutes, or until golden, and a toothpick inserted comes out clean. Let it cool in the pans for about 5 minutes, then gently transfer to a wire rack to cool. While the loaves are still warm, spoon some caramel sauce over the tops and sprinkle with pecans. Serve warm or at room temperature. How did you get here so fast, Labor Day? While many of you will still grill, because, nobody puts grill in the corner (until it’s really time,) the holiday is considered the last hurrah of summer that gathers people together. Might as well wow ‘em with this appetizer while the main course is being grilled. Taco Pinwheels *recipe & picture courtesy of Taste of Home Ingredients: 4 ounces cream cheese, softened 3/4 cup Seasoned Taco Meat 1/4 cup finely shredded cheddar cheese 1/4 cup salsa 2 tablespoons mayonnaise 2 tablespoons chopped ripe olives 2 tablespoons finely chopped onion 5 flour tortillas (8 inches), room temperature 1/2 cup shredded lettuce Additional salsa Instructions: In a small bowl, beat the cream cheese until smooth. Stir in the taco meat, cheese, salsa, mayonnaise, olives and onion. Spread over tortillas. Sprinkle with lettuce; roll up tightly. Wrap securely and refrigerate for at least 1 hour. Unwrap and cut into 1-in. pieces. Serve with additional salsa. For some, hot sauce is life. We like a nice heat factor from time-to-time—not the sear-our-brains-and-burn-the-butthole kind of heat. But hey, whatever floats your stomach. If you’ve been meaning to have more sauce in your life, well, this is for you, Crack Wisers. Fuego Box is the hot sauce of the month club you crave. Imagine keepin’ it hot long after Summer is over… But if you’re not a fan of all that heat, Fuego Box has other flavor boxes for your palate. How about the Bourbon Barrel Aged Hot Hive Spicy Honey, or the Blazing BBQ Gift Box, or the Fuego Spice Co. Spicy Salt Trio? Here’s how the whole subscription thing works: People will fight over anything. Notice we didn’t say debate. Because social media makes everybody a keyboard pugilist. One knock-down-drag-out that will never die: Is a hot dog a sandwich? Fifty-seven percent of those surveyed say the hot dog is a sandwich, according to RTA Outdoor Living. While technically we agree that a hot dog is a sandwich, we feel hot dogs and hamburgers are in their own category. Don’t ask our logic, just accept this Crack Wisedom and shut it! Let’s say you’ve got too many wieners lying around, and you’re tired of putting one between the buns. Here’s a recipe to try, courtesy of Delish. Hot Dog Fried RiceIngredients: 1 tbsp. butter 1/2 Onion, finely chopped 3 medium carrots, peeled and diced 2 hot dogs, sliced into coins and halved 1 Garlic clove, minced 1 tbsp. sesame oil 2 1/2 c. cooked white rice 2 eggs, lightly beaten 2/3 c. frozen peas 2 tbsp. soy sauce 1 scallion, thinly sliced Instructions: In a large skillet over medium heat, melt butter. Add onions, carrots, and hot dogs and cook until onions become translucent, 3-5 minutes. Add garlic and cook until fragrant, about 1 minute. Add sesame oil to the pan and let heat 1 minute add the rice, and let cook for 3 minutes. Push rice to one side of the pan and add the eggs, scrambling them in the pan and incorporating them into the rice when they are fully cooked. Add the peas and the soy sauce and stir to combine. Top with scallions if desired and serve. State Fairs are back, baby! And so many memories are associated with going to the fair. Family bonding. The rides. Cute, smelly animals. Sweating from places you shouldn’t. And--the food. Yes, food is the #1 reason people love going to fairs—whether it’s the community fair or the state fair. So, why not start pre-gaming for the fair with a tasty state fair-inspired treat you can whip up at home? Crack Wise Nug: July 11th is National State Fair Food Day. There’s your excuse. Deep Fried Oreos*recipe courtesy of cookiesandcups.com Ingredients: 2 quarts (approximate) vegetable oil for frying 1 cup Bisquick 2/3 cup milk 1 teaspoon vegetable oil 1 egg 15 Oreo cookies Powdered sugar for dusting Instructions: Fill a deep skillet or Dutch Oven 2 – 3 inches deep with vegetable oil. Heat the vegetable oil over medium heat until it reaches 350°F. While the oil is heating, whisk the Bisquick, milk, 1 teaspoon vegetable oil, and egg together. Line a large plate with paper towels and set aside. Working in batches of 3, drop each Oreo into the batter, and using a fork, remove the Oreo from the batter, tapping off excess, and place directly into the hot oil. Fry the Oreos 3 minutes on each side until golden brown. Using a slotted spoon, remove the fried Oreos from the oil and transfer to lined plate to absorb excess oil. When the Oreos have cooled, and are no longer hot, dust with powdered sugar. When we get to grilling season, it seems the appetizers and dips get shoved aside. It’s understandable. We’re looking to shove all the grilled foods and sides into our faces while the sun is shining and life seems happier. But why not drop this dip at your next backyard get-together? Thanks, Pillsbury, for the suggestion. Dill Pickle Dip Ingredients: 1container (8 oz) chive & onion cream cheese spread ½ cup sour cream 2 tablespoons pickle juice ¼ teaspoon garlic powder 1 cup diced kosher dill pickles 4 teaspoons chopped fresh dill weed Pretzels or potato chips Instructions: In medium bowl, beat cream cheese spread, sour cream, pickle juice and garlic powder with electric mixer on medium speed until blended and smooth. Stir in pickles and dill. Cover and refrigerate 1 hour before serving. Serve with pretzels or chips. Grilling and Summer go hand-in-hand. So why not grill this up wherever your grill is (even if it’s on a boat)! Marine Max held a contest for best boating recipe. Here’s one that will get it done. “It” meaning—fill your belly. *Recipe courtesy of Renee Reff Chicken KabobsIngredients: Cubes of chicken breast cut into 2 or 3 inches Onions cut into 2 or 3 inches Fresh mushrooms Red and green peppers cut into 2 or 3 inch-pieces Barbecue Sauce Instructions: Marinade everything in your barbecue sauce of choice. Refrigerate. Alternate chicken and veggies onto skewers. Put skewers on grill and turn every 7 minutes, brushing with more barbecue sauce until done. Memorial Day weekend is almost here! And that means the unofficial summer kickoff is gonna be lit. Light up your get together with this bomb dessert. Strawberry and White Chocolate Cream Slab Pie *recipe courtesy of Pillsbury Ingredients: 1 box (14.1 oz) refrigerated Pillsbury™ Pie Crusts (2 Count), softened as directed on box 3 packages (4 oz each) white chocolate baking squares 3 tablespoons milk 1 package (8 oz) cream cheese, softened ¼ cup powdered sugar 1 container (8 oz) Cool Whip frozen whipped topping, thawed (3 cups) ¾ cup strawberry jam, stirred well 1 ½ cups chopped fresh strawberries Instructions: Heat oven to 450°F. Remove pie crusts from pouches. On lightly floured surface, unroll and stack crusts one on top of the other. Roll to 17x12-inch rectangle. Fit crust into ungreased 15x10x1-inch pan, pressing firmly into corners and sides. Fold crust even with edges of pan. Flute or crimp edges; prick crust several times with fork. Bake 10 to 12 minutes or until golden brown. Coarsely chop 4 oz of the white chocolate; sprinkle onto hot pie crust, and let stand 5 minutes. With offset metal spatula, carefully spread melted white chocolate across bottom of crust (will be thin layer). Freeze 10 to 15 minutes, or until set. Meanwhile, in small microwavable bowl, microwave 7 oz of the remaining white chocolate and the milk uncovered on High 30 seconds; stir. Continue heating in 10-second increments, stirring after each, until white chocolate can be stirred smooth. Set aside to cool. Shave remaining 1 oz white chocolate, and set aside for topping. In large bowl, beat cream cheese and powdered sugar with mixer until well blended. Add cooled white chocolate mixture to bowl; beat until well blended. Gently fold in whipped topping. Spread jam on top of set layer on crust. Spoon white chocolate mixture onto jam layer; carefully spread to cover jam layer. Refrigerate at least 1 hour until chilled. Just before serving, top with strawberries and reserved shaved white chocolate. Americans love eating. Bigger portions for a good price motivates us to shove it all in our faces. People will debate whether we should eat local, or eat big company. Since we eat it all, it doesn’t really matter. Those chain restaurants started as somebody’s small biz. And here we are. According to TOP Agency, these are the best chain restaurants in each state: Texas Roadhouse seems to be the favorite of a lot of states, so why not drop this copycat recipe for when a Roadhouse visit seems like too much effort. Texas Roadhouse Rolls *recipe from The Cozy Cook Ingredients: 1 ¼ cup Milk 1 teaspoon salt 4 Tablespoons melted Butter, separated 1 large Egg, at room temperature ¼ cup Honey 4 cups all-purpose Flour, or Bread Flour 2 ¼ teaspoon Active Dry Yeast, or 1 packet Instructions: Bring the milk to a near boil. Remove it from heat when you see it begin to steam and small bubbles form on the side of the pan. Let it reduce to lukewarm, between 80-90 degrees. Mix the milk, yeast, and honey in a small bowl until well combined. Let it sit for 5 minutes. In a large bowl, mix 3 tablespoons of the butter, the milk mixture, the room temperature egg, and 2 cups of flour. Mix slowly until smooth. (Use a mixer with a dough hook if you have one, otherwise it works by hand.) Gradually add the remaining 2 cups of flour and mix until a dough has formed. Add salt, and mix/knead for 8 minutes. Then drop the dough onto a floured surface and knead for a few more minutes. Spray a large bowl with cooking spray and drop the dough inside. Cover the bowl (plastic wrap or a damp cloth works) and let it rise for an hour in a warm place. Punch down the dough and roll it out on a flat, floured surface until it’s about ½ inch thick. Fold it in half and gently seal. Cut into 24 squares of even size and place on 2 lightly greased cookie sheets. Cover them and let them rise for 30-40 minutes,, until doubled in size. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and bake for 12-15 minutes, or until the top is a light golden brown. Melt the remaining tablespoon of butter and brush the top of the rolls. |
AuthorThe cracked Crack Wise Staff-- warriors of the Funformation Movement. Archives
January 2024
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